What to do with this guy who is attracted to me?

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Fnord
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13 Nov 2014, 1:27 pm

Slenkar wrote:
good one

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You have just described the typical conservative Middle-Easten girl.

The idea is to impress upon the Italian Lothario that she is a "Committment Only" type of woman, and one with very expen$ive tastes.


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violetpinks
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13 Nov 2014, 7:04 pm

Italian and Brazilian men definitely have a culture of "loudly and openly" admiring women that they find attractive. While I do think that it's something they find harmless, it can make others not familiar with their culture very uncomfortable. The problem is when he doesn't stop when you have clearly asked him not to pursue you so intently. Being forthright and to the point can help folks know that they are clearly attractive to someone, but is that attraction the right kind of attraction? Many times, it's a "booty call' type of attraction (intention of having a quick sexual affair and that's it). That is not a healthy way of attaining a relationship unless that is your thing you prefer to do. The guy may be Italian and he may be just acting as his culture taught him, but he is in a different country and he should know as well as anyone, that there are always different sets of standards, etiquette, and behavior expectations. If he continues to pursue you even after you have clearly and tactfully rebuffed his aggressive efforts, then I would be careful and start thinking of an alternate route to take to avoid him altogether. If that doesn't work, then let security know and do not travel alone if he shows no signs of quitting. Be careful and best of luck. I have had a similar experience and the man did not like when I told him that I was not looking for a relationship (I was trying to be nice and not say that I was not attracted to him). He was at least 50 years old and I was only 18 at the time and he would come into my place of employment and endlessly talk to me to the point where I told him I was busy. He started sending me flowers and even a pair of diamond earrings! He was very proud of the fact that he was an optometrist and took it upon himself to make that known to me even though I thought he was making a complete fool of himself. I didn't want to insult him because I am not the kind of person who likes to do that, but it got to the point where I had to call for an escort home when he started following me home! That is when I think it was dangerous. I actually had to quit my job, move in with my parents and change my number. He was arrested for stalking someone else the last time I heard and it still makes me shiver to think that he could have done something to me. Sometimes, you can't be too careful. Guys can deal with this too and the same advice to them as well.



Cafeaulait
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14 Nov 2014, 2:29 am

violetpinks wrote:
Italian and Brazilian men definitely have a culture of "loudly and openly" admiring women that they find attractive. While I do think that it's something they find harmless, it can make others not familiar with their culture very uncomfortable. The problem is when he doesn't stop when you have clearly asked him not to pursue you so intently. Being forthright and to the point can help folks know that they are clearly attractive to someone, but is that attraction the right kind of attraction? Many times, it's a "booty call' type of attraction (intention of having a quick sexual affair and that's it). That is not a healthy way of attaining a relationship unless that is your thing you prefer to do. The guy may be Italian and he may be just acting as his culture taught him, but he is in a different country and he should know as well as anyone, that there are always different sets of standards, etiquette, and behavior expectations. If he continues to pursue you even after you have clearly and tactfully rebuffed his aggressive efforts, then I would be careful and start thinking of an alternate route to take to avoid him altogether. If that doesn't work, then let security know and do not travel alone if he shows no signs of quitting. Be careful and best of luck. I have had a similar experience and the man did not like when I told him that I was not looking for a relationship (I was trying to be nice and not say that I was not attracted to him). He was at least 50 years old and I was only 18 at the time and he would come into my place of employment and endlessly talk to me to the point where I told him I was busy. He started sending me flowers and even a pair of diamond earrings! He was very proud of the fact that he was an optometrist and took it upon himself to make that known to me even though I thought he was making a complete fool of himself. I didn't want to insult him because I am not the kind of person who likes to do that, but it got to the point where I had to call for an escort home when he started following me home! That is when I think it was dangerous. I actually had to quit my job, move in with my parents and change my number. He was arrested for stalking someone else the last time I heard and it still makes me shiver to think that he could have done something to me. Sometimes, you can't be too careful. Guys can deal with this too and the same advice to them as well.


Seriously. What a stalkative piece of s**t. Yesterday morning he asked me if I could show him around town this weekend and I said: 'Nope, no time'. Half a day later he sends anoter whatsapp with: 'what a long wait'.
WTF is the behaviour? Some guys really need to chill out.



sly279
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14 Nov 2014, 2:38 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Wait?is this the same person who says nobody would ever go out with her? Hmmm?

Otherwise?what nerdygirl said.


It's the first time in three years and besides he only wants me for my body and he is a foreigner so again, no real shot at love. Anyway I will continue to reject his invitations.


guess that depends on what you consider a relationship/going out/guys interested in you.

that relationship you had with that guy I would consider as a gf/bf relationship at at the very least going out together. o.O



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14 Nov 2014, 2:47 am

sly279 wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Wait?is this the same person who says nobody would ever go out with her? Hmmm?

Otherwise?what nerdygirl said.


It's the first time in three years and besides he only wants me for my body and he is a foreigner so again, no real shot at love. Anyway I will continue to reject his invitations.


guess that depends on what you consider a relationship/going out/guys interested in you.

that relationship you had with that guy I would consider as a gf/bf relationship at at the very least going out together. o.O


I don't consider it a relationship. We would see each other once a week (with luck). He would only come by when I took the intitiative and made plans (it didn't come from both sides) and he would usually come in the evening for three hours. We mostly had sex, talked a bit and then he left again. We never went out to do things, never got to know his friends, never held hands or kissed in public. There was no consent. We didn't even fight because there were no 'rules' to be broken.



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14 Nov 2014, 3:14 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Wait?is this the same person who says nobody would ever go out with her? Hmmm?

Otherwise?what nerdygirl said.


It's the first time in three years and besides he only wants me for my body and he is a foreigner so again, no real shot at love. Anyway I will continue to reject his invitations.


guess that depends on what you consider a relationship/going out/guys interested in you.

that relationship you had with that guy I would consider as a gf/bf relationship at at the very least going out together. o.O


I don't consider it a relationship. We would see each other once a week (with luck). He would only come by when I took the intitiative and made plans (it didn't come from both sides) and he would usually come in the evening for three hours. We mostly had sex, talked a bit and then he left again. We never went out to do things, never got to know his friends, never held hands or kissed in public. There was no consent. We didn't even fight because there were no 'rules' to be broken.


sounds like dating /relationship to me. perhaps a bad one with regards to your wants.
theres many people in relationships who like and are fine seeing each other once a week or two weeks. just find it odd when you say you've never been with anyone . I would kill for something like that even if it is bad like that and doesn't last long.
not all relationships /dating is spending all day together some couples meet for lunch for 30 mins then go on their ways.
so to me and you it doesn't sound like an ideal relationship but still seems to fit the description most people would use. didn't it last like a month or few?

also perhaps its being a guy and that we are the ones expected to take the intiiative all the time and plan everything, but sounds like the usual about that.

no consent? so he raped you? :S



Cafeaulait
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14 Nov 2014, 4:28 am

sly279 wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Wait?is this the same person who says nobody would ever go out with her? Hmmm?

Otherwise?what nerdygirl said.


It's the first time in three years and besides he only wants me for my body and he is a foreigner so again, no real shot at love. Anyway I will continue to reject his invitations.


guess that depends on what you consider a relationship/going out/guys interested in you.

that relationship you had with that guy I would consider as a gf/bf relationship at at the very least going out together. o.O


I don't consider it a relationship. We would see each other once a week (with luck). He would only come by when I took the intitiative and made plans (it didn't come from both sides) and he would usually come in the evening for three hours. We mostly had sex, talked a bit and then he left again. We never went out to do things, never got to know his friends, never held hands or kissed in public. There was no consent. We didn't even fight because there were no 'rules' to be broken.


sounds like dating /relationship to me. perhaps a bad one with regards to your wants.
theres many people in relationships who like and are fine seeing each other once a week or two weeks. just find it odd when you say you've never been with anyone . I would kill for something like that even if it is bad like that and doesn't last long.
not all relationships /dating is spending all day together some couples meet for lunch for 30 mins then go on their ways.
so to me and you it doesn't sound like an ideal relationship but still seems to fit the description most people would use. didn't it last like a month or few?

also perhaps its being a guy and that we are the ones expected to take the intiiative all the time and plan everything, but sounds like the usual about that.

no consent? so he raped you? :S


I guess our ideas of what an actual relationship is are very different :) I still consider myself to never have been in a relationship, and I am fully aware of the fact that a relationship doesn't necessarily mean spending several days a week together. The guy himself didn't consider it a relationship and neither did my friends (who've all been in relationships before), regardless of the 4 months.



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14 Nov 2014, 9:20 am

Just start ignoring the contacts, not responding and if necessary be blunt and tell him you are not interested in going out together. Don't get caught up in discussions about why. He seems like he's just killing time and seeing what he can score. He's likely messaging others at the same time and the others are having no part of him either.



sly279
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15 Nov 2014, 6:51 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
I guess our ideas of what an actual relationship is are very different :) I still consider myself to never have been in a relationship, and I am fully aware of the fact that a relationship doesn't necessarily mean spending several days a week together. The guy himself didn't consider it a relationship and neither did my friends (who've all been in relationships before), regardless of the 4 months.


just adds to my confusion then. I always heard and felt that if two people hanged out, kissed, cuddled, sexed and did stuff together for over a month they were a couple.

makes me concerned about trying to date as it seems i will be even more likely to be used and thrown out. so what do you consider a relationship when two people marry? engaged?

:'S



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16 Nov 2014, 3:19 am

Fnord wrote:
Tell him that you love children, that you are not on birth control, and that you are looking for a man who can support a large family and a suitable wedding. Then describe the wedding that you want -- only a few hundred guests, ten bridesmaids, a 20-piece orchestra -- and how you want to honeymoon in the bridal suite at a five-star hotel in Monaco. Then sit down with him and a stack of Modern Bride magazines, and remark how 4-carat engagement rings are just too pretentious when a 2 carat ring is just as nice.

Oh, and mention that you hope he doesn't mind if Mom moves in and lives with the two of you for the first few years ... you know ... to take care of the twins ... they run in the family ... triplets, too ... :wink: :twisted:


if that guy is as Catholic as he is Italian, that won't deter him in the least. (in fact will probably make him want cafeaulait MORE 8O )



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16 Nov 2014, 5:25 am

sly279 wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
I guess our ideas of what an actual relationship is are very different :) I still consider myself to never have been in a relationship, and I am fully aware of the fact that a relationship doesn't necessarily mean spending several days a week together. The guy himself didn't consider it a relationship and neither did my friends (who've all been in relationships before), regardless of the 4 months.


just adds to my confusion then. I always heard and felt that if two people hanged out, kissed, cuddled, sexed and did stuff together for over a month they were a couple.

makes me concerned about trying to date as it seems i will be even more likely to be used and thrown out. so what do you consider a relationship when two people marry? engaged?

:'S


Definitely a relationship. Whether it was a publicly announced one or not is beside the point.



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16 Nov 2014, 5:52 am

rdos wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
I guess our ideas of what an actual relationship is are very different :) I still consider myself to never have been in a relationship, and I am fully aware of the fact that a relationship doesn't necessarily mean spending several days a week together. The guy himself didn't consider it a relationship and neither did my friends (who've all been in relationships before), regardless of the 4 months.


just adds to my confusion then. I always heard and felt that if two people hanged out, kissed, cuddled, sexed and did stuff together for over a month they were a couple.

makes me concerned about trying to date as it seems i will be even more likely to be used and thrown out. so what do you consider a relationship when two people marry? engaged?

:'S


Definitely a relationship. Whether it was a publicly announced one or not is beside the point.


Nope.



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16 Nov 2014, 6:04 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
rdos wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
I guess our ideas of what an actual relationship is are very different :) I still consider myself to never have been in a relationship, and I am fully aware of the fact that a relationship doesn't necessarily mean spending several days a week together. The guy himself didn't consider it a relationship and neither did my friends (who've all been in relationships before), regardless of the 4 months.


just adds to my confusion then. I always heard and felt that if two people hanged out, kissed, cuddled, sexed and did stuff together for over a month they were a couple.

makes me concerned about trying to date as it seems i will be even more likely to be used and thrown out. so what do you consider a relationship when two people marry? engaged?

:'S


Definitely a relationship. Whether it was a publicly announced one or not is beside the point.


Nope.


That's how my marriage started (minus the sex part), and we didn't get formally together until we got engaged later the same year. Friends thought we were together almost from the start even if we formally weren't.

I find your friends rather strange if they didn't see the two of you as a couple. What was their motivation for that?



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16 Nov 2014, 5:57 pm

rdos wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
I guess our ideas of what an actual relationship is are very different :) I still consider myself to never have been in a relationship, and I am fully aware of the fact that a relationship doesn't necessarily mean spending several days a week together. The guy himself didn't consider it a relationship and neither did my friends (who've all been in relationships before), regardless of the 4 months.


just adds to my confusion then. I always heard and felt that if two people hanged out, kissed, cuddled, sexed and did stuff together for over a month they were a couple.

makes me concerned about trying to date as it seems i will be even more likely to be used and thrown out. so what do you consider a relationship when two people marry? engaged?

:'S


Definitely a relationship. Whether it was a publicly announced one or not is beside the point.


so confusing. makes me wonder if vandread isn't the better way to go with splitting the sexes up. men tend to more straight forward ad logic.
with women it seems theres never knowing what is going on. :( and the rules society sets seem to always be changing. how do people keep it straight



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17 Nov 2014, 3:59 am

I don't feel like you have to do a lot. You aren't interested and you've expressed that. It's not as if you've led him on. If he can't handle your no, he'll learn to, seems like he has no problem meeting girls. You've made no commitment to him and you're not exactly friends, so it's not really like you owe him anything short of very basic respect, which is responding with a "no" - which, again, you've done.


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17 Nov 2014, 7:32 am

Pretend to be interested in him lead him on then reject him and let him know that you were never interested in a loser or a nobody it will be priceless and hell be heartbroken and destroyed inside.


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