Attracted to women but don't want to date

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I've been on one lunch date in my life. That's the extent of it.

I've always been attracted to females ever since I was in 2nd grade. And my inability to learn how to date and my inability to try dating and my unwillingness to risk rejection have caused me great frustration because of my strong attraction to women.

So how can I reconcile being unwilling to go through the dating ritual with my strong attraction to women? I wish my feelings for women would just go away but they haven't yet. So even if I can't make feelings of attraction go away can I be at peace with the fact that I'm never going to date? Can I learn how to stop being frustrated?

why not try online dating?

i wish i had the answers.
your record is still better than mine with that lunch date of yours if it makes you feel any better.

Take baby steps in learning what works and what doesn't, and slowly get out of your comfort zone. You don't have to throw yourself to the wolves and date pretty strangers you don't know. Just learn to talk to girls, slowly learn to flirt, use online dating to practice talking to women, whatever works for you.

Fear of rejection and failure does slowly go away with time, but you have to get rejected a few times (or even accepted) to get over it.

Totally agree. Stop thinking you are incapable, that you don't have it together or that you are not good enough for love. You ARE.

Thanks for the posts. I did try just talking to a hairdresser who was married (so no pressure) and I did enjoy that instead of being quiet like I usually am when getting a haircut.

You stated you have an unwillingness to risk rejection. Rejection isn't a risk in dating, it's a guarantee. What I mean is that rejection is part of the experience. You need to embrace it and be OK with it because you will not be accepted by everyone. In fact you'll be rejected more than accepted. That's perfectly normal. Fear of rejection is something you should get over and you'll look at everything in a better light.

Yes. I am a good looking extraverted woman and I get rejected too by guys. Rejection is part of life.

True that, I have rejected Cafeaulait.

True. I've noticed that the people on this forum with the most trouble with dating are the ones who speak of a fear of rejection. If rejection is reframed as normal, there will be more willingness to try to make things happen.

True but if someone only knows rejection and never acceptance then that can lead to depression and social withdrawal. It's like anything else, if I want to play football and just get crushed every time I step on the field, I'm going to find activities that I can find some success in and forget about football.

Rejection is only part of our current dating-process which is highly dysfunctional. That also means that rejection is not the norm in human relationships, and never has been. The norm in human relationships is that they will last at least until children are independent, and this is enforced by biology. Even this has been broken by a dysfunctional culture. In fact, even yesterdays arranged marriages were more successful than the outcome of today's "dating industry".

I don't know why I fear rejection. It's irrational. But I do. I really don't even consider actually asking women out.

Thanks for the replies.

I believe it's quite normal to fear rejection. Especially if you would get attached to someone quickly.
In order not to fear rejection, I imagine, one must be hardened by many past rejections or not care for the person who rejects.

I am no expert , but if you say that talking to a married woman can be done... maybe talking with women when in a group of friends or buddies might also be possible.

If you don't want to ask them out, but still feel very attracted to them and it hasn't gone away you need to find a way around it, I think.
Find social situations where it's possible for you to interact with women without dating them.
I would NOT recommend online dating sites as such an option though...