My Mental Health Issues.....any input?

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Okay, bear with me, this post is kind of long! (Lol)

So, let me start off by saying that I have a few different mental illnesses: ADHD (which I've said previously), Bipolar II, and severe anxiety (PTSD, GAD, OCD). I also have some physical illnesses, and I am on medications for all of the above.

I have recently moved into an Adult Foster Care program (as of late August) with the help of my Mental Health Case Manager, and begin trying to put my chaotic and disorganized life together while learning to develop independent living skills, social skills, and coping skills. I have also had a care team developed for me; I have been assigned an ARMHS worker, and an in-home therapist (boo-yah!) and I'm just trying to get the ball rolling.

My issue is that I am trying to work things out and work on myself while living here, but my anxiety greatly interferes with my ability to work on that. I have almost crippling anxiety that makes it hard for me to get myself out of the house and socialize. When I do attempt to socialize, I can only do it for so long. Then I need to disappear into my room or to somewhere I can be alone in order to "decompress" (also, my senses are heightened due to my ADHD so I do get overstimulated which can, in turn, trigger my anxiety).

Another thing that my mental illness affects is getting stuff done (like my laundry, my room, etc). I am extremely forgetful and disorganized, and I usually have so much on my plate that I keep getting distracted by other tasks and forget what I really needed to do. I will be working on organization with my ARMHS worker as well, so that will come too.

In addition to the "getting stuff done" piece, not only is staying on task difficult, but it tends to be difficult for me to stay in the "here and now". I tend to lose touch with reality by going into my own space (which I think is an automatic coping mechanism for dealing with stressful external factors around me). It can be a very beneficial thing, as I tend to let my creativity bloom in this stage, and come up with stories or daydream about interests or things that pleasure me- like going into my "happy place". It just sometimes gets too hard for me to avoid doing. It's hard for me to "snap out of it" a lot and come back to the present. It's like I'm in another world. I know this is also part of dissociation in PTSD, because I can also tend to get so far away that the world around me doesn't seem real and I feel trapped in a separate reality (those this only happens in periods of high stress). This affects getting stuff done because, like, how can I get stuff done when I can't even focus on what's in front of me, you know?

Also, another issue I have is my mood (of course, what else is there to expect when you have bipolar II ). My moods cycle rapidly. Like, when I go into my hypo-manic phases, I'm doing pretty good. This is when my creativity blooms. Then suddenly, for hardly any reason: BOOM. Depression. I end up feeling like I want to cry, and just go to hide. I can't stand being around people in any circumstances (depression kind of goes hand in hand with my anxiety). I end up needing to get away.

Oh, and when I get anxious? The immediate reaction is RUN. I'm always on guard (a.k.a. hypervigilant) and I tend to jump easily, as well as get paranoid and see things out of the corners of my eyes (usually people). I know that is obviously part of my PTSD (I'll go more into my past another time- it's a long story and it takes a lot for me to bring it up). Anyways, I usually never knew what was going to happen next. My environment was never stable, and drama always ensued. Like I said, I will talk more about that in another post maybe.

Basically, it all led me to here. I'm in a position where it's hard to talk to people out of anxiety; it's hard for me to communicate to others as I had learned to always "walk on eggshells". People get frustrated with me but it's really hard to meet expectations when being in the right mind to do so isn't all that easy.

Although I have learned something from all of this; I've become more empathetic and kind to others (when I do have the courage to speak, which can happen a lot but not for long). I've become stronger and a little more wise. I can attempt to help others with some things and try to understand (though my social awkwardness makes it hard at times). So, I guess you take the good with the bad as well.

And like I said, this isn't my complete story; there is a lot more to it. I will try to get the guts and time to tell it later; maybe a piece at a time.

Anyways, yeah. That's pretty much it for now. Any questions?

This sounds exactly like me. I just wish I had the care you have. Your issues are normal for us special types. All I can say is baby steps are the best way to go. Not all people you meet are going to understand you. It took me a long time to even get up the nerve to talk to this girl I am talking to. She's a lesbian, but we get along because we have the same interests. I wish you well with this. Remember, baby steps. It will happen, and when it does, it's a great feeling having an ally out there.

I deal with PTSD as well, that in itself can cause depression and so many other problems. I think the baby steps advice is good. But, I wonder if all of the medication you are on isn't interacting with each other and causing you more stress than you need? I'm not suggesting you stop taking it, of course. But When you take that many, I would be careful, make sure that only 1 doctor is prescribing them, and double check with the pharmacist about interactions and side effects. I was diagnosed in college, and the doctor wanted to immediately put me on medication. I literally ran out of his office and never went back. I don't know if medication would help or make things worse, but I am afraid to try it, so i try to use coping techniques. Sometimes it works and sometimes it fails. But, you sound like you have a lot to contend with. And you also sound like you are strong enough to prevail.

I didn't even think about multiple meds countering each other. I'm only on one and it makes my social anxiety a little worse than no meds. Not by much. I use coping skills as well, but they are hit and miss since my meltdowns/ panic attacks can come out of nowhere.

What kind of input are you looking for?

Thank you; PTSD sucks, doesn't it? I wish you good luck in your struggles with it. I am aware of the med situation, and thank you for bringing that up! I've been thinking about whether or not I actually need all these meds and if the diagnoses are right.

On the medication, I hear you. I was put on antipsychotics a few times and I stopped. Doctors keep wanting me to go on them for anxiety purposes. I'm all like "Nope!". I was put on Risperdal (UGH) back in 2012, after my initial breakdown. I gained way too much. I got switched to Abilify, and then Latuda.....finally I just backed off. My weight was up to 160 or 170 after all of that (after the initial 130!! !) and I lost a lot of self esteem. Not ever going back on those.

I am beginning to look more at my issues and wonder if they are all accurate. I had to be brave and dig into my past and my childhood, and I believe I have a high functioning ASD. I'm trying to get diagnosed. Maybe that will bring light to what's going on too.

Anyways, thank you for your post, and stay strong

Yeah, I believe my issues are a bit simpler now that I think back. I also acknowledge that, you're right, I'm lucky to have this care, and thankful

I hope you and the girl got along fine! I'd also love to meet someone with my interests. I've had a huge persisting interest in tornadoes since age 3 or so. Memorized the entire severity/damage scale. Switched interests throughout the years that I would focus in severely.

Anyways, thank you so much for your advice and I will keep it in mind! And it feels great to know I'm not alone Thank you for reminding me, and apologies for taking so long to reply (shiny distractions! Lol).

I'm not sure, just similar stories or thoughts?

No worries about the reply time. With the tornado thing, I'm kinda like that about automobiles (cars and big rigs). The girl and I get on great! We've been talking almost daily and it's like we've known each other forever. We've even hung out a few times. She's a real nice girl. It's also very nice not to have that "sex" thing hanging over your head constantly. It's kinda like being in a relationship yet not at the same time if that makes any sense. We accentuate each other's good qualities while working through the bad. She is currently being screened for possible Aspergers Syndrome by her other therapist. I think she has it based on our numerous conversations about symptoms and basic observations when hanging out. No matter what, she's a good person and friend.