No wonder why you don’t have a girlfriend!!

Page 1 of 2 [ 23 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Aspie_Chav
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2006
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,931
Location: Croydon

09 Mar 2007, 2:54 pm

No wonder why you don’t have a girlfriend

Isn’t it the same old case that you struggle to find someone to make your life worthwhile at the same time never wishing that you had this dependence on someone to be happy?

Any time you slip up that is what you get any time you say something that is blown all out of proportion that is what you get “No wonder why you don’t have a girlfriend”. The many people the think that their easier time with relationship has come out of hard work and a good heart like a personification of Buddha himself.

What has been blown out of proportion is that I make a pole what body shape men prefer (apple shape or pear shape). A put it in the adult forum as it might not be the thing that one wants to bump into in the love forum. Compared with the stuff I see in there like Orc rape, it is nowt.

To believe that such a pole could be offensive to woman, but somehow I would believe that if a woman were to post such a pole about men’s body shape. It wouldn’t be offensive at all. Less offensive still would be such a pole such as do you prefer bad boys.

Already there is an assumption, an NT unwritten law that say’s some things are ok but not others without looking at the whole thing objectively.

I notice this bias even on TV ads where the man is somehow made a fool, while the woman often keeps her decorum. Some ads are so discriminate against men that if it was woman there would be an outcry. Men more then woman think that it is their personality is stopping them from finding that special someone. But society is prejudice against man on TV.

You must remember that personality as has hard to change as looks and weight. At least it is possible to monitor progress when it comes to looks and losing weight. With personality it is so much harder, and even then it fails because you have to put on an artificial fron’t to find someone who wouldn’t have the true you. But I guess it is better then being alone depending on your tolerance to being lonely.

Some time I think, ”should I ever make as much effort socially then an average NT woman, then…”



ZanneMarie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,324

09 Mar 2007, 3:20 pm

Chav,

I'm not a guy, I'm a woman, but I agree with you. You cannot change your personality. I didn't change mine at all because who can sustain that over time? Can you even imagine the stress of trying to pretend you are something you are not day in and day out, year after year with no end in sight? It won't work. Many, many NTs get married and don't even think about personality or whether they could actually live with that person over time. Whenever I ask them about it, they say, Oh, if I love him/her, I would be able to adjust. Six months, two years, five years later and they are divorced because they couldn't adjust. That's a myth that so-called NT society has created. It doesn't work that way. Emotional feelings go up and down over time. Some days you will absolutely adore that person and some days you will want to kill them. That is true of all long term relationships (it would remind you of living with your family at times). If you live in the same house together long enough, you will get on each other's nerves. It's inevitable. What holds it together is to really like the person and share interests with them. Then, you put up with the moments they are on your nerves because you would do that with a friend or a family member. After awhile, the emotional high comes back and it's good again.

But, if you hide your personality, you will never find someone you could stand to live with day in and out because they won't know anything about you. The person you are with must accept who you are. You must accept them. Remember that goes both ways. I think both guys and girls are guilty of thinking, well, I can get along with him/her well enough. Don't fall into that trap. Two years and you will be pulling out your hair and heading for the door. You want to feel like this is the person who gets me best. This is the person I can rely on when the chips are down. This is the person who not only won't care when I do something completely socially stupid, but will defend me to everyone else around and not allow them to laugh at me or hurt me. Trust me, that alone is worth its weight in gold and will make you put up with the stupid crap that comes from living together. Just having someone get you, help you and defend you is priceless. It beats that so-called romantic love hands down.

Of course, you have to like what they look like and we all do have certain tastes (apple, pear, whatever). I like tall, lanky men with dark hair and eyes. Why shouldn't you be able to like either an apple or a pear or whatever it is you like? If we all liked the same thing, we'd be killing each other to get it. Having different tastes keeps us civilized. :wink: Now if you are into the, what was it, ORC rape (whatever the heck that is. See how socially clueless I am), well probably best I don't know. You can feel free to stay silent on that one. 8O I promise I won't ask.



Cadzie
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2007
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 187
Location: Ontario, Canada

09 Mar 2007, 3:54 pm

ZanneMarie wrote:
Chav,

I'm not a guy, I'm a woman, but I agree with you. I promise I won't ask.


Lovely use of words, Most on yahoo chat assume I'm a lesbian, but I'm a guy raised by a woman... anyways I forget what my point is, the point is forming relationships is like well spotting a comet for me, it's rare when it happens and when it does, it don't last long at all... makes me feel well pointless, by the way my names Andrew



Aspie_Chav
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2006
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,931
Location: Croydon

09 Mar 2007, 4:23 pm

I remember that part of what the reason why I posted pole was that at work. There was a woman with big boobs. She got the attention from most of the guys they even made some create jokes about her. She is taking leave to have a baby. And when I asked how long she as been off, one of my work mates Gemma said she is off for a year so you going to have to find someone else to lust over. I said I never did, she said that everyone else did. That led me to think about the biological reason for attraction and body shape.

The thing is that I kind of liked Paula from the other portacabin she more or less has AS. My workmate could not understand saying she is a minger socially as well as in looks. But I could see a life with her being possible a happy. She is the outdoor type without any materialistic, social climbing nature; I could have an interesting conversation with her. This would be much better then entertaining NTs with smalltalk in the hope that one will cure my loneliness.

I was with my friend talking with someone else from café. He was talking about like young woman. He said that I like someone who is older. I said that I like those woman who I get on with, the woman who likes me very much. They could be anyone, apple shaped pear shaped. Be very young like an aspie who I liked who was 21 and looked much younger or someone older 46 NT like a friend who has intellectual tendencies and really likes me allot.

I often do feel a little angry when people I meet have these superficial criteria. Like a black girl said to me in a way to assume I like white woman. Others assume that various superficial criteria somehow going to make the person interesting or me happy to be with them.

Understand Scientifically why people are shallow and do some extent appreciate why they are this way, but only because I have a fairly good understanding of Darwinian Psychology. It is a good thing to because with out that scientific understanding I would expect them to be just like me and I would hate them for being the way they are.



alex
Developer
Developer

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jun 2004
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,214
Location: Beverly Hills, CA

09 Mar 2007, 4:42 pm

poll. not pole.


_________________
I'm Alex Plank, the founder of Wrong Planet. Follow me (Alex Plank) on Blue Sky: https://bsky.app/profile/alexplank.bsky.social


ZanneMarie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,324

09 Mar 2007, 5:17 pm

So what happened with this Paula? Did you ever try to pursue that?

Honestly, Chav, my husband is very NT (and probably became OCD from living with me since I have no opinion about those things he's obsessed about), but in some ways he acts Aspie. He has his own intense interests and he shares some of mine. He's comfortable sitting in silence for hours on end (and goes out with his friends to play sports when he wants to be NT). He gets all the social stuff like reading eyes, body language, etc. but he also knows that society places way too much value on that so he doesn't care that I don't and he explains to me what's going on. I guess what I'm saying is if this girl is Aspie-ish, it could be a good thing for you like it has been for me. Does she know what you are like? Has she been around you much? I don't see where it would hurt to ask her out. To hell with what everyone else says and thinks. You know what? You are the only one who is going to be living with the person you pick. It is no one else's business. It only matters that the two of you are happy. No one else could live with my husband or I. No one gets our relationship. I could care less. He suits me and has for years. If I had listened to them, I would have been miserable and alone. Instead, I am happy and I like my life. You need to be true to yourself, not them. If she interests you, go for it. If your mates can't handle it, that's their problem. If they are really your mates, they will support you. That is what friendship means and you need to tell them that. They either put up or shut up as friends. It isn't about agreeing with your decisions because we never all agree 100% of the time. It's about having someone's back anyway and just being there for them even when you don't understand. So, that's where they need to be for you. And you, need to go get what makes you happy.



Brendan
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 58

09 Mar 2007, 6:23 pm

Aspie Chav,

Your post is unintelligible to such a great extent that I am barely able to decipher what it is that you are trying to say.

Are you from a non-english speaking country?

For instance, this sentence is complete gibberish:

Quote:
I remember that part of what the reason why I posted pole was that at work. There was a woman with big boobs. She got the attention from most of the guys they even made some create jokes about her.


Brendan


_________________
Born in '85.
Stuck in '67.


Corvus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Sep 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,674
Location: Calgary

09 Mar 2007, 6:42 pm

My friend once told me "maybe you think about it too much"

He was right. Stop worrying about relationships. People, here, spend so much time worrying and stressing over it and they fail to realize that they are simply victims to 'the law of attraction.' Think you cannot obtain a girlfriend and surprise, you dont. Its as simple as that. Of course, its what you BELIEVE so if you try and just think 'I CAN get a girlfriend' but put no belief behind it, again, you'll get what you truely expect - nothing.

Chav, you post constantly about your loneliness but all that does is constantly reassure the fact you're 'lonely.' OK, now that you have established that, become aware of it and work on it. Constantly coming back to the same thread isn't progress, its a stalemate. You can insert 'excuse' here but I'm not going to continue buying it, not after what I've experienced.

People here have self-esteem issues, confidence issues, etc. All understandable but all are correctable. Those who truely wish to fix that and work at it (beyond a magic pill) will see an improvement. Those who continue to wallow in depression will simply continue to wallow in depression. The mind is a terrific thing and what we 'think' is often what 'is.'

I've changed my attitude from 'negative' to 'positive' and I can see a world of difference.



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

09 Mar 2007, 7:26 pm

Poll.

a "pole" is something you put a flag on

/grammar police.

I read like, 2 sentences in here then couldn't be bothered. Why? Because bitching about other threads is stupid. Keep the bitching to one thread.



Aspie_Chav
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2006
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,931
Location: Croydon

09 Mar 2007, 10:29 pm

Who makes up these unwritten rules that somehow I am suppose to know. I am rather streetwise for an anspie but it can only go so far. If you can come up with a systematic way for me to understand all these rules then let me know.



Popsicle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 May 2006
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,574

10 Mar 2007, 2:15 am

Chav, what happened? I am having a hard time understanding what you are upset about. Someone didn't like your poll and thought it discriminatory against women? Well that is just their opinion. Take it into account, but don't let it upset you. If your intention was not bad, then just chalk it up to learning more about what others think.

Don't worry too much about making a bad impression on others or making mistakes. Everyone does that.

Take care.



Rjaye
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Nov 2006
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 823

11 Mar 2007, 4:47 am

Chav,

The rules are stupid. Be yourself. If you like certain people, see if you can get to know those people, and to hell with everyone else.

I saw your poll thread about body shape. You got jumped by dinguses who didn't know what you were trying to do.

Ignore them, and guess what? Ignore things like what female body shape other men attracted to. What are you attracted to? If it's different, so what? Maybe you like a hefty gal. Maybe a skinny one. Or maybe you care more about their personality. Hey, there are guys like that, who really want someone they feel they can get on with for a long-term relationship.

Trying to fit in and pretend to be NT just to attract a woman is a recipe for disaster. Have you taken social skills classes, where you can learn how to act within a relationship? Maybe an AS support group can help.

And dude, mass cred to you for going to clubs. I couldn't do it, and you are meeting people. And you have friends you go out with.

To heck with people who criticise you unfairly. They don't understand what you're trying to do.

Now just relax, and give yourself a break.

Take care.

Metta, Rjaye.



computerlove
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Age: 123
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,791

12 Mar 2007, 4:00 am

alex wrote:
poll. not pole.


thanks!
me not being a native english speaker, had a very hard time trying to figure it out :P


_________________
One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.


wendytheweird
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 9 Sep 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 312

12 Mar 2007, 9:49 am

Chav, I wasn't offended at all by your poll, and I don't think any of the other women who were offended were offended by your poll either. What was offensive were some of the replies to your poll. THey were saying some very specific insulting things. ANd I don't think YOU ever said anything offensive in that thread, it was other posters.

I have read before about what body types males find appealing. It has more to do with the hip/waist ratio than actual body type, by the way. You might want to Google that if you want to know more. I think almost all men would agree than a woman who has a small waist and a curvy bottom has an attractive body. :)



Mandelbrot
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 11 Mar 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 45

12 Mar 2007, 1:52 pm

AspieChav: You shouldn't have to change your personality - unless it is having an negative effect on a large number of people (which from what I can see it isn't).
Its much easier for Aspie men than women to get a date - although having said that, all Aspie women on here appear to be married with children etc! How the f*** do they do it!?



Enigma
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 84

12 Mar 2007, 2:22 pm

Mandelbrot wrote:
AspieChav: You shouldn't have to change your personality - unless it is having an negative effect on a large number of people (which from what I can see it isn't).
Its much easier for Aspie men than women to get a date - although having said that, all Aspie women on here appear to be married with children etc! How the f*** do they do it!?


I don't think it's easier for aspie men to get a date because men are expected to take the initiative in relationships.I've not had a date yet.