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RetroGamer87
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14 Dec 2014, 4:21 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
I don't claim to know this for sure but my instinct (and experience and being a woman) tells me this was her way of telling you to definitely not try again to catch up before then

I probably shouldn't try to catch up after then either.

I'm just glad I found out she's not into me before I made a fool of myself.
yellowtamarin wrote:
There were clues earlier on that you provided that indicated she was not interested. I didn't say anything in case I was wrong but I feel more confident now that I am right.

What were the earlier clues?

(aside from the obvious one of her not wanting to see last week?)


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yellowtamarin
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14 Dec 2014, 6:15 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
There were clues earlier on that you provided that indicated she was not interested. I didn't say anything in case I was wrong but I feel more confident now that I am right.

What were the earlier clues?

(aside from the obvious one of her not wanting to see last week?)

Reading back over it all, that was it really. But it was the way you put it:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
She canceled on me.

RetroGamer87 wrote:
She said she's "unable to meet this weekend"

She said she'd see me at the conference on Friday.

Red flag red flag. Basically what I said just before is what I wanted to say in response to the above. If she was interested, she would make time or express regret at not having the time, rather than simply telling you when you will see each other next, that time being an occasion that is not a date. So she has done that twice now, so that makes it pretty clear IMO.



RetroGamer87
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14 Dec 2014, 6:20 am

Yep, that makes it pretty clear. I hope I didn't piss her off too much.

I probably shouldn't have mentioned the term "coffee date" in that text I sent her yesterday. I'll bet that really pissed her off.


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yellowtamarin
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14 Dec 2014, 6:46 am

I doubt you pissed her off. May have made her feel a bit uncomfortable. No big deal.



RetroGamer87
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14 Dec 2014, 6:52 am

Well that's a relief.

I wonder why she agreed to meet me a week and a half ago. It could be that she thought it was just a friendly get together, then she worked out I was in to her and that scared her off. Or it could be that she was into to me at the time, than three days later she wasn't. I can only speculate.


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kraftiekortie
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14 Dec 2014, 8:50 am

All I could say is: there's other fish in the sea. You will find that special someone.

The lady seems like she'll make a good friend, though. It is somewhat frequent that "friends first" leads to romance.

Don't lose faith. At least you're traveling in the proper circles. Better than being on benefits.



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14 Dec 2014, 10:17 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Don't lose faith. At least you're traveling in the proper circles. Better than being on benefits.

I guess my circle is one of Dante's.



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14 Dec 2014, 10:22 am

Now......if you could produce a work such as Dante's! Who knows? Maybe you might!

Truly, I have NO prejudice against someone on benefits. If I fell in love with someone on benefits, that would be it...no questions asked...I'd want to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her.

But, in the "dating scene," it's better to not be on benefits than be on benefits. That's the truth of the matter.



androbot01
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15 Dec 2014, 1:46 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
But, in the "dating scene," it's better to not be on benefits than be on benefits. That's the truth of the matter.


Why?
I've been trying to figure this out and can't.
What is the purpose of the "dating scene?" Is it an economic endeavor as opposed to a romantic one? I don't understand why being on disability would make you a bad partner.



yellowtamarin
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15 Dec 2014, 6:28 pm

androbot01 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
But, in the "dating scene," it's better to not be on benefits than be on benefits. That's the truth of the matter.


Why?
I've been trying to figure this out and can't.
What is the purpose of the "dating scene?" Is it an economic endeavor as opposed to a romantic one? I don't understand why being on disability would make you a bad partner.

Here's one reason why it might be better to not be on benefits: Most people would prefer to earn their income rather than getting it from the government/taxpayer. So it would be reasonable to assume that someone who relies on government payments may not be as happy with themselves or their life as someone who is able to earn their income. So they might have "negative" traits such as depression or more generally just not being as happy, that may make them less desirable as a partner.

Alternatively if they are perfectly happy with receiving benefits and see no reason why earning their money might be preferable, that attitude may also make them less desirable as a partner.



androbot01
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15 Dec 2014, 6:48 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
Here's one reason why it might be better to not be on benefits: Most people would prefer to earn their income rather than getting it from the government/taxpayer. So it would be reasonable to assume that someone who relies on government payments may not be as happy with themselves or their life as someone who is able to earn their income. So they might have "negative" traits such as depression or more generally just not being as happy, that may make them less desirable as a partner.

Alternatively if they are perfectly happy with receiving benefits and see no reason why earning their money might be preferable, that attitude may also make them less desirable as a partner.


That makes sense. I'm not particularly happy about being on disability. My goal of re-entering the work force is harder to reach than I had thought. Plus my mental health remains unstable (which is fair reason not to be good dating material on it's own.) But yeah, no one wants to date someone who is unhappy about their status in life. (Or one who deems it preferable to receive government payments than to work when they are able to.)



RyanLewty
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15 Dec 2014, 9:22 pm

Whether she sees it as a date or not right now, the fact she said yes means she is comfortable with you and that you have a great opportunity to show her that you are 'interested' in her and see if she responds!

Some useful things to look out for on your 'coffee date' to see if she is flirting with you are:

- (as you said she has already done) she is playing with her hair

- she touches her mouth (women often do this to draw your attention to it, because they know its cute ;) )

- she finds excuses to casually touch your arm etc.

- she keeps meeting your eye contact

- she stands closer than 'average' to you



If she does any of these things then its a pretty reliable sign she IS flirting with you!
I actually wrote a post about this last week for my blog, feel free to check it out if this was helpful :D
Mastering Nonverbal Communication - How To Read The 8 Signals That Reveal A Woman Is Flirting With You

I also have some stuff on there on how to let women know you are interested in them without actually having to say anything :) I hope this helps!



sly279
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17 Dec 2014, 4:14 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
But, in the "dating scene," it's better to not be on benefits than be on benefits. That's the truth of the matter.


Why?
I've been trying to figure this out and can't.
What is the purpose of the "dating scene?" Is it an economic endeavor as opposed to a romantic one? I don't understand why being on disability would make you a bad partner.

Here's one reason why it might be better to not be on benefits: Most people would prefer to earn their income rather than getting it from the government/taxpayer. So it would be reasonable to assume that someone who relies on government payments may not be as happy with themselves or their life as someone who is able to earn their income. So they might have "negative" traits such as depression or more generally just not being as happy, that may make them less desirable as a partner.

Alternatively if they are perfectly happy with receiving benefits and see no reason why earning their money might be preferable, that attitude may also make them less desirable as a partner.


so dammed if you do and dammed if you don't?
that sounds depressing.



The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Dec 2014, 6:44 am

Or maybe simply because the government's income benefit is low = low income.

I am sure if he is living on interests from 10 Millions deposit in bank, regardless whether he's happy about it or not, will be perceived more attractive by many.



yellowtamarin
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17 Dec 2014, 7:06 am

sly279 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
But, in the "dating scene," it's better to not be on benefits than be on benefits. That's the truth of the matter.


Why?
I've been trying to figure this out and can't.
What is the purpose of the "dating scene?" Is it an economic endeavor as opposed to a romantic one? I don't understand why being on disability would make you a bad partner.

Here's one reason why it might be better to not be on benefits: Most people would prefer to earn their income rather than getting it from the government/taxpayer. So it would be reasonable to assume that someone who relies on government payments may not be as happy with themselves or their life as someone who is able to earn their income. So they might have "negative" traits such as depression or more generally just not being as happy, that may make them less desirable as a partner.

Alternatively if they are perfectly happy with receiving benefits and see no reason why earning their money might be preferable, that attitude may also make them less desirable as a partner.


so dammed if you do and dammed if you don't?
that sounds depressing.

No, not damned. Just "it's better to not be on benefits than be on benefits". It's not a dramatic as being damned.



RetroGamer87
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17 Dec 2014, 8:24 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
Here's one reason why it might be better to not be on benefits: Most people would prefer to earn their income rather than getting it from the government/taxpayer. So it would be reasonable to assume that someone who relies on government payments may not be as happy with themselves or their life as someone who is able to earn their income. So they might have "negative" traits such as depression or more generally just not being as happy, that may make them less desirable as a partner.

That makes sense. I've felt much happier with myself since I got that job offer from HP. I'm looking forward to starting early next year. I'm especially looking forward to getting employee discounts :D
yellowtamarin wrote:
Alternatively if they are perfectly happy with receiving benefits and see no reason why earning their money might be preferable, that attitude may also make them less desirable as a partner.

I held that attitude when I was younger. An attitude I later regretted severely. I managed to change my attitude but I must learn to accept the past for it was.


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