Does this count as a date?

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There's this girl at work I like. I wanted to ask her out but I was kind of nervous so I didn't want to make it sound like a "date" date. 

Instead I asked her if she wanted to meet in the city for coffee on Saturday. She said yes. Does that count as a date? Is she likely to consider it a date? 

I want to start dating her but is she on the same page?

For a while before I wondered if she was into me. She seemed fairly engaged in our breif conversations, laughed at my bad jokes and I thought "is she into me or just being friendly?" Also she would sometimes brush her hair back as she spoke. I sat behind her and than she kept on staring at me over her shoulder. I took the lift down after hers and when I met her at the crossing she said "hiiii" is this sort of exaggerated girly voice.

Now I'm bad at reading people so by this point I thinking maybe I should ask her out but maybe she's not into me and I will be shamed. On the other hand there's a chance she was thinking "What's wrong with this guy? Even Helen Keller could see I'm trying to flirt at him".

Anyway, because I'm a little bit girl shy I decided to ask her out in the most ambiguous way possible saying stuff like "you're always so busy, don't you have any time free on the weekend?" "Oh, I do" she replies and "We should keep in touch over the Christmas Break" (she agrees) before ambiguously asking her if she wants to go out for coffee on Saturday, which she agrees to.

Now I foresee three possibilities.
1. Maybe she's fine with it all.
2. Maybe she doesn't get it's a date
3. Maybe she's thinking "Why is this guy so frustrating, he should have asked me out already, why does he never flirt back, what is he a dweeb or something?"

Maybe I'm overly cautious, not only on the occasions when I ask girls out but also when on dates. I can never get past the touch barrier. I think "what if I go to far or what if I do wrong". I think she's probably aspie herself, seeing as how I met her in a Specialisterne assessment for aspies and yet she seems to have a good understanding of nonverbal communication and perhaps expects the same from me. Somehow I think it will be bad to be ambiguous for too long.

try reading this blog post..I found it recently after accepting to meet for a coffee. I hope the person is not thinking too far into the meet.http://alwayssecondchances.blogspot.com.au/2013/04/coffee-dates.html

I would not stress out about the fact that you asked the girl to coffee. She said yes! Obviously SHE is not uncomfortable with getting asked to go to coffee, regardless of what the person writing the blog says.

Going to coffee is low-key. Chat, get to know each other some more. If you like spending time with her, ask her out on a "real" date. Don't worry about the touch barrier - she will break it when she is ready. (It is probably better to wait for her to do that, anyways.)

Hmmm. Hopefully she doesn't percieve me as spineless. That blog makes a good point that while, I may struggle to figure out if a girl has a real interest in me (no matter how obvious she may think she's being), girls may also struggle to figure out if I have an interest in them.

Sometimes I think the problems faced by men and women are more similar that we'd like to admit.

As you suggest nerdygirl, I should ask her out on a real date. A friend of mine suggested live theater os a good date idea.

I don't know how she sees it, but if I single guy would ask me to have a coffee I would definitely see that as a date. I would think the guy has romantic intentions.

Gosh, I wish the guy I liked would ask me out on a date

Coffee can be a better first date than dinner because it's more chill. That article is completely wrong. And you can always go to a movie after.

I don't see why she would agree to coffee with someone from work if she didn't have an interest in him. You're good.

You're starting to sound too much like me

If I could ignore my fear for a few minutes, why can't you?

You could take the traditional path and wordlessly let him know you want him to ask you out. That's she got me to ask her out. She never said it but I'm about 90% sure she wanted me to ask her out. You just have to learn how to flirt.

Even if you just told him, most guys wouldn't mind that much. If he's single and likes you he'd think Christmas has come early. He'd also think you saved him the trouble of asking you out.

If he's not single, he'd let you down gently. He'd be more concerned about maintaining his fidelity than getting mad at you.

Either way, what's the worst that could happen? I know this sounds hypocritical of me because most of the time I'm too scared to ask girls out and people say to me "what's the worst that could happen" and I think "rationally I know that's true but I'm still scared". So I may be a big hypocrite but that "what's the worst that could happen" still applies.

Whether it's a date or not depends upon what happens during subsequent meetings. This could be a "first date"--or it might not be a date at all. It's a first "meeting," though.


My suggestion:

Just go with the flow. Have the coffee with her. Just talk about things you want to talk about. Don't think of what you "have" to talk about.

A great icebreaker is talking about something funny about your family.

Or....just talk about what you've been talking about previously.

I wouldn't mention anything about your political or religious beliefs unless she brings it up. To some people, politics/religion are an important component of their character.

I wish I could tell you whether you should try to hold hands--but I can't, because I'm not there. If she touches you quite a bit--like on the shoulder, I might try to hold hands with her.

I know many women who like to be kissed on their hand, chivalry-style. I wish I could demonstrate it to you (you might know how to do it). It involves gently taking the hand by the fingers, and placing it near your lips so you could kiss the hand. What's really sensuous is actually kissing each finger gently.

Maybe you could google "hand kissing." It used to be done frequently in Victorian days (19th century)

I wouldn't try kissing on the hand on the first "date" or "meeting." I might try it--but I wouldn't advise it for somebody else.

If you feel like you want to kiss her, and she seems amenable, I would ask her if it's okay (in a romantic way). Remember that thread about "whether to ask for a kiss or not?" I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't hurt to ask, especially in this day and age.

Okay, so my view is that *most* women would consider it a date if a guy asks a girl to catch up one-on-one and:

- they are both assumed to be single or similar
- they are both assumed to be heterosexual or similar
- they aren't already friends who hang out one-on-one
- the guy hasn't made it clear it's a friendship thing
- there is no other reason the girl knows of to rule it out as a being meant as a date.

Without exception, if I was the girl in the above sort of scenario, I would at least be wondering "does he mean this as a date?". And I'd probably ask. But most people wouldn't. So it's left all ambiguous and nerve-wracking

BUUUUT you think she'd probably aspie herself, which changes things, because she may be clueless to this sort of stuff. Anyhow if I was to put money on it I'd bet on the side of yes she is at least wondering if you mean this as a date, and by saying yes she is okay with it being a date.

Have fun!! !! !!

I agree with most people in this thread, but I also think that being coworkers makes it a slightly trickier situation to navigate. Plenty of coworkers go out with other coworkers just to get to know them better, and not necessarily for dating/friendship reasons. I think that in your case a date is implied, but shouldn't be assumed.

For example, there is one girl that I work with, and we both get along very well. We have gone out together outside of work a few times, even for activities that may otherwise be considered romantic such as dinner or walks in the park. However, there's kind of a mutual understanding between us that it's only as friends even though we've never actually discussed it. Even though we get along extremely well, I think that we both know that we'd be terrible for each other in a romantic relationship because we're both too different from one another in certain respects.

Hurray, this is my first post in the new forum format!! It took me a while to find the submit button!