Why does dating have to be a game?

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Isn't the first date the beginning of the journey? That's the start of a couple's life together.

No. Dating is a neurotypical method for starting relationships. For me, the start of the journey is when you start to observe each others.

Point taken. I phrased that badly. What I meant is that marriage isn't an end.

Well, if you're lucky.

I know happily married people and i know unhappily married people. Marriage itself doesn't guarantee happiness, it all depends on the people involved in the process.

...whiiiich happens when you start dating, I would hope! I have no interest in having a "milestone" in a relationship, such as a marriage, so there's no particular point to say the journey has started other than when we first meet or date.

Not for me because I don't do dating. Rather, the other milestone is the first time you hug each others, which typically is the start of a relationship for me. Marriage is just a contract and not a milestone.

Then why wait until the wedding to throw a big party? Why not throw it earlier in the relationship, like soon after you start dating?

Dating is only a game if you choose to make it one. You do t have to!

Weddings mean different things to different people. Some view it as a way to announce to the world that they plan to spend the rest of their lives together as a couple and they want to celebrate that by having a gathering of all their loved ones and family.

Some people are more private and don't really have the desire to include all of their friends and family in that part of their life. They maybe have a small wedding at a registry office, or maybe they just don't get married at all and don't see the point in it. They just keep going on with their commitment to each other without an outward show in the way of a ceremony. Maybe their big commitment to each other is buying a house together, maybe it is just that they wake up together every day. People are different.

Some see marriage as just a contract because it doesn't change the fact that they love each other. They don't feel the need to write their names on a piece of paper and have it registered that they are together. They know that they are together, their friends know and that's enough for them.

Hi. I don't believe I can bring myself to base any aspect of my life on anything Taylor Swift sang once, but I do believe I can offer a different perspective, if no one objects.

Some people marry for status, or as a trend. These are probably the ones that are not very successful.

You are too polite, just jump in and tell us what you think. A different perspective is always good to hear.

Dating is game. It is this way. Many do not know why is it like this.

Some people lose. They are losers? Does anybody want to date a loser?

The answer is no.

That is why the game is there. It's a test. We test people differently, i think.

Or maybe we don't test them at all.

I don't like testing them. I also like dating my friends. It's not a course of action that i'd advise.


Perhaps i'll switch to the playing games method.

My experience indicates to me that testing happens to see if the other person is genuine or real and to back up their claims of interest. A person who is interested in a purely sexual relationship is not going to be interested in someone who seems to be a prude. Likewise, a person who wants to be liked for who they are is not going to be interested in someone who wants them just for sex.

Other parts of the test that people fail at might end up being because they revealed certain information way too soon (ie, telling people you have Aspergers is one thing, but telling them you have a history of depression or anxiety is far more likely to scare people away). In the early stages of relationships, we already are comfortable being without this new partner in our lives. I have seen (also felt myself) in many of these instances where the other partner may use information you shared as their excuse to dump you because they are afraid to be with anyone (not just you). On some occasions, we end up assuming that the other person using any excuse to get away was seeing someone else anyway.

My sincerest apologies!
Well, it has occurred to me that the dating format as we understand it could be a relic from a time when the word marriage had a different meaning than it does now. I don't necessarily wish to take a definitional approach, but just a few generations back, the connotations of marriage within society were more stark, and there was more disincentive for divorced and/or promiscuous people. This meant that weddings were more of a 'point of no return', and dating was undertaken more rigorously.
I realize this probably isn't breaking news to anyone, but it makes me think: have we held onto the concept of a wedding as the ultimate goal of the dating game, while our attitudes toward the word itself have shifted? I sense that the phrase 'long term relationship' has essentially taken the place of the word marriage, while dating has remained unchanged, and it leaves us unclear as to what we should try for and expect in and from a relationship. I don't think this is much of a problem for the (ahem) normal people, since it seems to work for at least some of them, but for individuals of our particular mental flavor, the subtleties cause conflict between what we conceive verses perceive.
This was much more coherent in my head a little while ago, sorry. There's a lot of angles to think about.

You can treat dating as a game with an end goal (sex, marriage, long term relationship, etc) or you can treat it as a means to meeting new people in bars / cafes. Experience has shown me that the problems happen if I become emotionally invested in the game. Rejections become painful, serial rejection causes negativity, and negativity reduces confidence, which leads to giving up and feeling bitter about it.

I like sitting with a woman in a cafe and drinking a pint with a woman in a pub. Even if there is no chance for an intimate relationship with her, the experience we had together at the cafe or pub is still worthwhile. I like having some meaningful / sentimental effect on a woman's life, e.g. making her smile or laugh, even if it's only for 15 minutes. If a woman is happy for 15 minutes because of me, it is something we both have for the rest of our lives. Therefore, getting a date and enjoying it is worthwhile, even if it doesn't go any further.

I've done Internet dating on and off with no success but what I've observed is - I got the best returns (replies) when I treated Internet dating like an online game and didn't get frustrated about losing. The times when I was more desperate for meeting a woman, I got worse results. It proves better for self-esteem to measure progress by the work you have done, not by the results you have got.

I agree. I find this testing necessary in order to avoid getting attached to girls that have the wrong motivations and / or isn't interested for real.