Why does dating have to be a game?

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And presumably a the folks who don't get "worn down" file restraining orders. Or tell everyone they know some creepy dude stalks them.

Woman A: "I met my husband as a sophomore in college. We were both into archaeology. How about you?"

Woman B: "He just sort of showed up one day and started following me around everywhere. We had nothing in common and I found him revolting and obnoxious. But eventually he wore me down and I decided to just give up and marry him."

It is paranoia. People are afraid of the other person being a nutjob, stalker, etc. Then, there is the fear of seeming like a nutjob, stalker, etc. Lack of trust. People only reveal themselves in very vague, positive terms. It is like a dance...

That sounds terribly negative. In my experience, it's not so much about getting worn down as it is about not rushing into things and taking it real slow. I simply want to know if a girl has a reasonable persistent interest in me before I want to go any further. I don't want crushes on girls that one days shows interest in me and the next day in somebody else, and I definitely don't want relationships with such girls.

I wouldn't be surprised if some girls (and probably guys as well) are actually turned on by somebody showing a persistent interest. I certainly am. Can't see anything wrong with that. I'm pretty sure this is a neurodiverse traits as well.

There is another way to describe it:

Woman A: "I met my husband online after we both had tried dating hundreds of people and had hundreds of one-night-stands".

Woman B: "He got interested in my at a dance event, and then he kind of showed up from time to time and we always danced a lot. A few years later we got into a committed relationship without any real dating".

I've had guys try to hump me in the car lol
Nowadays I don't accept rides from dates I don't know. I will only take a ride from relatives or boyfriend.

The reason dating is a game is for one of three reasons.
A) The person has no intention of making a commitment.
B) The person is afraid to make a mental commitment to someone he/she just met. This is very common and very cowardly. It's not that hard to trust others and trust oneself. But, many simple things are made out to be overly complicated, not just dating.
C) The person is just copying what everyone else does, and is afraid of trusting someone until x number of months have passed by.

The key here, as far as the shift in attitudes over the years, is a vast increase in the number of people who don't have the guts to say no. Saying no is not that hard, whether in general or for ending a relationship. But many people have a great fear of looking bad. Often they don't understand the difference between fault and responsibility, which in dating often means finding someone willing to take responsibility for their sense of well-being.
The other key is the outsized expectations in dating, especially from women. Women never used to expect the sun, the moon, and the stars in relationships. Now, with marriage as an option, and a vaguely scoffed at option at that, the attitude is commonly negative and egotistical, i.e. "There will always be other men!" or "You don't have to put up with that, girl!" Over the past however many years, I think this fake you-go-girl stuff is starting to go away and is being replaced with more common sense. I credit the economy for forcing people to be more realistic. That, and the fact that the fake empowerment movement has been a colossal failure.

I'm talking about hardcore convincing here. Like a man who pursued a women for a couple of years and she was clearly not interested and didn't even really like him as a person for most of that time.

If someone tells me they are not interested, I move on. I think it's a ridiculous game to tell someone you are not interested in the hope that they will keep trying, to "prove" their interest in you. What are you doing in return to "prove" your interest in them? These things should be mutual, not with one person controlling the other.

I dunno. I found Syd's version funnier.

I tend to favor being with my fellow foreigners, they don't get he game either, so we just act like human beings...

  This question gets confusing when people mis-focus on the word "Game."
It is not a game, it is survival -and there clearly and definitely are multiple tactics and strategies constantly being engaged in.

        to get a glimpse see wiki/Sexual_conflict

Women cannot help but engage in a 500,000,000 year developing behavior that eventually lead to the success of our species.
It IS intended to confuse us. (included is the behavior to deny they do this)

        Should female creatures* behave "like this"?
This is a stoopid question because how ELSE should they behave -even if a thoroughly complete change could be caused by space aliens?

Males** are simple, they just want to have sex and go away to have more sex elsewhere (this is a good strategy for the success of a species, which is why it developed)

A better strategy for the success of a species is to pool resources (the male sticks around and hands over loot for sex)
But this is more recent, and it has to somewhat combat the early (still reasonably useful) very thoroughly developed strategy.
So women have to devise a way to stop men from leaving them pregnant AND how to get their loot. (and how to get men to actually go out and get them MORE loot instead of having fun [sex] all the time)


  * there's more than just humans involved here
  ** when a male (or female) gets all righteously indignant and claim that "maybe other people" act like that but THEEEEEEYYYYY most certainly do NOT!! they are simply validating the theory by trying to make themselves look better (more attractive) to others (opposite sex) by acting all "better than thou."



If you want to know about self-loathing-man-haters watch 29/31 by Garfunkel and Oates.

I don't want to talk to a girl I'm interested in until I've observed her for a while, so talking about interest would be pretty hard to do. If she doesn't show some kind of persistent interest I won't even go on and talk to her at all.

What if she's doing the same thing? You both miss out!

Not at all. If she also waits for a persistent interest then it works as it should. Then I'll eventually work up my courage to talk to her (or she'll work up her courage to talk to me). When this eventually happens both parties already know there is mutual interest, so there is no need to ask about that. That also makes contacting them so much less scary as you already know you won't get rejected.

To the person who reported this - well it's a bit old post, but nonetheless, Jjancee, can we please keep it civil?

Ia agree that some women prefer the subtleties. I go to other forums with nt women,and some are cool with the game, which I think is totally dumb. Ive called them out on it.