Why don't people want to be friends first?

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Very good question, what say you, ladies?




Another very good question, why you always assume the worst intentions from a friend asking you out?

Because I've had pretty much the same friends forever. Literally (since kindy, college or grad school). If I wanted to date them (or vice-versa), the dating happened and ended 10-20 years ago.

So what if somebody wants to "get into your pants?"

That's the whole idea, really.

However, if a person finds that "special someone," it is fairly frequent that this person has the patience to wait months or years before any consummation. They look at that person as their friend, as well as their (future) lover. I don't see the problem with that.

It's called being civilized, while still wanting to "get into each others pants."

Um... wow thanks Kraftie. I'm mildly amazed it took five pages for this revelation to surface. Just what the hell happened to being nice and seeing where things go? Don't buy into this divisive terminology and it can't affect you. You can only really know people when you stop compartmentalizing them. We're a family of seven billion & counting.

pretty sure friendzone is just another word for unrequited love. men do use it about love not just wanting sex.

I've never heard it as simply a synonym for unrequited love, and it can be used by men who can't understand why women don't love them rather than just won't sleep with them.

Actually, this is mainly true for young-er males. Males who are in their mid 20s and beyond often decide right upon meeting someone whether or not they're attracted to them. Females also tend to follow the same pattern. Sometimes, foolish young males might think that being friends first with a female they're attracted to right from the get go is a way to get into her pants(or even her heart) but this really doesn't work. People can't be friends first because sexual tension.

my husband was my best friend before we became sexually involved. we didn't jump into anything, exploring each others' sexual history and need for testing before we were intimate. physically, he's different from most guys i dated, but once he expressed interest, it sparked passion. i think friendship is the best basis for a loving relationship.

i have several guy friends. none of them would seriously consider having sex with a married woman who is not their wife. hormones are not destiny.

The "friendzone" concept comes from the vile Pick Up Artist subculture... it may as well be a euphemism for "I'm a guy who feels entitled to sex with any girl I fancy and how dare she not fancy me!".

Erm, women can and DO get friendzoned. By men and other women(if they're lesbians). Gay men also friendzone each other too. "friendzone" is not gender specific. It simply means romantic rejection from a person you already have a platonic relationship with.

Yes. My boyfriend was willing to wait for the moment I was ready for sex. He totally didn't mind that I wanted to be in an exclusive, commited relationship before we had sex.

I think it often happens to be that way, but personally I don't view it as such. For me, the friendzone isn't this evil relational limbo some try to make it. I view it as rich ground to be mined for companionship.

What disturbs me about how we seem to view human relations is how we overvalue romantic and sexual relationships. If you just want to be in a relationship, the "friendzone" if it exists is, well, your friend. It can only help you. If you have a friendship with someone, especially someone of the opposite sex, you already frickin' have a relationship. Maybe not the relationship you think you want or are conditioned to want, but it's a relationship. USE THAT and be happy.

If a woman I was interested in said she just wanted to be friends, I'd be like, "Cool! So if we're friends, you wouldn't mind hanging out with me at [place]? I'm thinking about heading out around [time] if you want to meet me there."

If what she really means by "friends" is I creep her out and she's not really interested in seeing me, that's going to come out in the wash. I'm not afraid, threatened, or offended by that. I'll extend the opportunity a time or two after that, and if I still can't get a date with her, I take the hint and move on. She's got my number. She'll text/call if she wants to. Or she knows where I hang out. If she changes her mind, it's a free country.

Somewhere between men pressuring women to have sex and women expecting to be pressured, dating has been completely wrecked in our culture. When I ask a girl out, you know what I want? To hang out with her for an hour and a half and let her talk about herself. That's all. You wanna be friends? Great! Let's be friends. What do friends do? They get together for coffee/beer/bowling/skating/movies/pizza. They talk. They listen to each other. If you just want to be with someone, why does it HAVE to be romantic or sexual? My goal isn't to get laid. It's just to avoid being alone all weekend.

To be honest, I don't think friendship is anything that comes natural to me. I really have no need for friends at all, which probably is why I cannot even imagine why I would want to be friends with a girl I'm attracted to. And sexual relationships are just as alien to me as well. The only thing that comes natural to me is to form attachments with girls I like.

Ask out strangers, NOT friends. If you are friends with someone of the opposite sex whom you're attracted to, most of the time they will pick up on it and act accordingly: If they like you back they're let you know and if they don't they will likely feel uncomfortable and discontinue the friendship(not always, but don't be surprised when this happens). Asking them out without any indication from them that they're attracted to you comes across as creepy and desperate because you're violating boundaries. Hope that helps.

I think that it becomes a gripe when you are looking for a serious relationship and the other party only wants a one night stand. Or if you get the impression that they don't really see you for who you are and fancy you only on a physical level and have put you on a pedestal.