feelings too fast?

Post Reply New Topic

I just met this guy just over a week ago and already I feel ridiculously comfortable around him. I generally am not into cuddling and touching, but I want to pet him pretty much every time we're alone together. Generally I have trust issues, but for some reason I like telling him my secrets (and vise-versa). What I'm wondering is whether these feelings are at all sustainable. I'm trying not to jump in too quickly, although I already spent the night more than once. Does anyone have an experience related to this that I could learn from?

I´m in kinda the same boat. Met a guy on tinder about a month ago. Last week we had our first date. It was a lot of fun. Since then he has been whatsapping me everyday throughout the day. I showed my friends some of the messages he sent me. They said he is either in love with me or he is starting to fall in love with me. While I felt an urge to kiss him on the last date and I REALLY like this guy, I decided to take it slow. I already told him in a goofy, witty manner that I wanted to steal a kiss from him when we were watching the movie last week. He was suprised in a very positive way when I said that. We are going on a second date tomorrow. Anyway, I am not sleeping with this guy until we get to the point of a commited relationship. Depending on how many times (and hours) we will see each other during every week, this will probably take at least 1.5-2 months for me. I really want to get to know this person first. I know how it works for me, personally. I know that I will burn myself when I sleep with a guy and go crazy over him way too early. But hey, whatever works for you.

Thanks! You make some good points. I generally only attract crazy or damaged people, so I have to filter out a lot of them to avoid the things I don't like. It's usually a lot easier for me to remain slightly detached, though.

I get what you are saying. My last hookup of 4 months (I am not calling him a boyfriend, even though we were monogamous and saw each other regularly) had very much issues. He had just recovered from a depression, his parents were getting a divorce, he was stressed out by his exams. There were so many things going on. I rushed into it with him and we got very close and slept together after a few dates. I found out about his aspergers very soon; he wasn't planning on telling me way waaaay after. It all ended up in some kind of crash and burn situation for us. I was too eager to get into a commited relationship with him. I had sex with him and became attached to him way before I knew we were truly compatible. That's where it became painful. I was so attached that I ignored all the red flags. And then when he said he wasn't ready for a relationship, it felt like a smack in the face. He was not in love with me. This while there were plenty of signals that he didn't want a commited relationship with me from the beginning. If it's easy for you to stay detached even when sleeping together and sharing very close, emotional things, then fine. Go for it. But know yourself: make sure you are really as capable as staying detached as you think you are. If a long term relationship is what you potentially want with this guy, be prepared that your feelings might not be reciprocated. Personally, I am NOT content being put in the friends with benefits category.

Other things that are important in building a serious relationship with this guy:
-Have your own life. Don't stalk him everyday and don't initiate contact with him every single time, especially in the early dating stages. It's tremendously attractive when a guy sees that a girl has her own life, her own friends, her own hobbies. Be affectionate, but independent. Don't forget to do your own thing. This will make a guy fall in love. (In fact, now that I have my own live and don't take the initiative all that often, even that past hookup reinitiated contact with me again...)
-Treat others well: show him that you care about others, that you are a good person.
-Be fun, energetic and positive!

When I said more easily detached, I meant in previous relationships, not this instance. Your advice makes me feel better about my situation since he's the one who keeps initiating, and while I am very much enjoying spending time with him and want to introduce him to friends, I am in no rush to commit since there's a strong chance I'll be moving out of state. He is aware of this limitation.

That's unfortunate about your last romantic interest, but it seems like your new guy might be a better fit. Hope it goes well for you.

Yeah, the same wishes to you off course

Wow Cafe, you're a relationship guru now already.

Good luck with your date.