WTF Man

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I actually did not know what section to put this in, but it does have something to do with dating much.
I met this girl. She is from the countryside. Obviously the fact that I am an urban guy isn't the only difference; I am black, grew up differently, and culturally.

We clicked soon. She started camping with me because she stayed like 45 miles away. I stayed downtown. And she was closer to her job when she crashed at my place. She was there for like a month. Didn't pay rent--but she chipped in for food. She also gave me the "where you think this is going" deal. I told her that it's official; we're BF/GF. She met my folks and I met hers. All is well.

I helped her out to find a place for her own. Made sure she saved up. Directed her to a place on the north outskirts of the city; apartment complexes. I had a month left on my lease and wasn't planning on signing a new one. So by Oct 24, me and my sis and her BF moved out to a new place, a fourplex, in the ghetto. It was terrible. We didn't even stay a week. The old ass neighbors accused us of smoking crack, and the place was infested with bugs, roaches. I haven't lived with roaches in over a decade--and wasn't planning on starting again.

In a on-the-fly moment, we had nowhere to go. We were virtually homeless--because we really didn't want to go back to my moms. I ask my GF could we crash with her until we get back on our feet and she said yes.

I thought it would work out. But then the inevitable bitching started. She started pushing on me houses and places to look at when we didn't even have the money to make moves. She said that she would like her own space (which I don't blame her) and she hasn't even been in the apartment by herself since she moved in. I told her that we are all trying to save and also pay off some bills/debts too. She said by end of March or so, she believes we'd have enough to move on--which I agree.

But the thing is that she has not made me feel comfortable here--nor my sister and her BF. When she stayed with me, I even vouched for her ungrateful ass when my mom was trying to say that she had to pay rent. But now, all she does is b***h and complain about something new in the place. "I" am the one that does all the cleaning anyway.

Then, one day, out of nowhere I got blindsided by her. She started this talk that resulted in our breakup. And when the talk came up again (when I was joking) she got serious about the situation and I let her have it.

Her deal is that she feels as though I am trying to just date her forever and not go for the Whole Nine Yards (Marriage, Kids, Country Living). And I ask, so you're saying that I am supposed to date you for 2-3 years and then marry and have kids with you? She expects that.
That is so asinine and irrational. She watches too many Disney movies. I told her straight up; I never said that I didn't "want" to get married, but I'm not doing that in 2-3 years of dating somebody. Basically she said I am moving too slow for her. And she states strongly that a person "knows" when the person they are dating is "the one".

What's wrong with all this going fast? I told her, you don't truly know a person until you've hit a rock bottom with them. Obviously, she didn't learn from her last marriage which resulted in mental and physical abuse and controlling--which ended in divorce.

What i don't get is that she said, she doesn't have the "time" for dating. Okay. But how the hell you got time for kids and a marriage then? Make that make sense! You get those things by DATING! Not marrying somebody in 12 months!

And then she brought up that our lives are just different. We grew up different. I told her to can that s**t. I could care less how a girl grew up, where she came from or how, all I am into is her as a person. That's it.

But then again I respect her decisions and where she is coming from. I cannot get heated about it. I truly do feel like she used me though.

She's white. And f****d her first black guy in NYC. When she wanted to date me, she knew what I was about and how my culture is. She knew all along. She expected me to convert to the country life--which I never will. I grew up in the urban areas. I don't hate the country, but I am not into living in the middle of nowhere. I'm not even a social person but I don't hate people. Countryfolk think living in the city is a cardinal sin or something it's so self-centered.

I think black guys are just something exotic to her. Because she'll never find a black guy who wants a country-style living in MI. Or maybe she will. She minds well start looking in small rural towns now. I think she likes to f**k black guys, but won't marry or date them for real. Which isn't bad.

And just when I thought I'd have a great place to stay at the end of the month, the damn apartments go and deny my sister because of her credit. And the only option (it's looking like) is to move to this place that is on the outskirts of the city where the next (and only) bus stop is a 2 mile walk south! And I am planning on going to school. We are working off one car.

I swear I feel I cannot get NOWHERE with my sister and her BF tagging along. Why haven't I left you asked? Because I am on assistance! I don't even make $10K a year! So how could I ever live by myself? I reached one goal I set for myself: to get my driver's license. But my next goal is to get into a career to make more money. THEN can I make moves for myself sometime.

Meanwhile I am back to being a bachelor again. I am 25. By this time, girls want guys my age that are serious about the Whole Nine Yards. And I refuse to just put a ring or have kids with anything. And as you get older it is tough to find women without kids. Pessimistically, I am banking on being a bachelor/single until I am in my mid 30s.

If a woman wants to have kids, she can't really wait 10 years, unless she is in her teens.

http://www.webmd.com/baby/features/fertility-101

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a6155/your- ... -fertility

"I don't have time for dating" means "I don't have time to date someone who isn't going to marry me and father my kids. If you're not going to do it, I need to go find someone I can do this with."
I'm 25. My boyfriend and I are having a similar discussion right now. We've been dating for a bit over a year, and I need a timeline. I need to know that there's a good chance we're going to get married and have a family, because those are things I need to be happy in my life. I love him. I love him a whole hell of a lot. I just know myself well enough to know that if I miss my window for having a baby because he isn't ready, I'm going to start hating him. I'd rather break up now and save us both a lot of time, if that's how it has to be.
Also, where I'm from, 2 years is about the time when everyone starts asking when you're getting a ring, and by three years they start asking if the guy has commitment issues. It definitely varies from place to place. Dating for more than a few years seems to be more common in cities. She probably wasn't expecting that.
I would make sure to really talk this stuff through with the next person you date. If I have a next boyfriend, I'm definitely going to.

Best analogy for guys I can think of is a really good pro athlete winning the championship.

In many sports the best athletes usually have a window of just a few years in which he can win. Too young--not enough experience. Too old--his body lets him down. Sure, in a team sport he might win with someone else being the star--but that just isn't the same.

I'd honestly say that 3 years would be the best stretch for me marrying a woman. I'm not doing it in 2 years I could care less who she is. I have grown up around enough broken relationships to see how they start and end. I told her in a respectable manner that, I am not even certain of my future as of right now. I don't want to have a kid unless I am able to take care of it. Being a husband is different from a BF. A husband has to provide and protect the family. Marriages and young people these days are just doing it and then finding out years later that they were strangers all along.

I respect her for telling me the truth and being upfront but also I don't like how she's been treating me or the situation. So a few days after the new years it'll most likely be the last time she sees me. She's not a horrible person but she has things to work on.I would consider marrying around the 4th year. If you don't know by 4, then you'll never know. Three years would have to be something extraordinary. But we've been only going out like 3 months and she constantly brought it up. Guess I was moving too slow.

What I don't get is how she wants to have a kid "so bad" but she doesn't even know how to budget or manage her money! You gotta keep it realistic; it takes financial stability to have a kid. Love won't do it all by itself. Trust me I know.

I hope she does find what she wants. She is good with kids after all.

Oh, I thought that was your nickname of something. (ie. 'Here comes the WTF Man!')