Can an INTJ get a long term relationship?

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AspieOtaku
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17 Dec 2014, 4:14 pm

I am an INTJ male and I am starting to think its next to impossible to get into a long term relationship because the majority of relationship seekers are repelled by that personality. My Zodiac is Libra but i dont think some mythological astrological sign is going to counter act that. :?


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Beau
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17 Dec 2014, 4:41 pm

Hey.

I may be totally off, but I don't think people are necessarily "repelled" by those qualities... rather it could be how you carry yourself (eg. your general attitude and your actions) and the way it comes across to others.



Rhapsody
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17 Dec 2014, 5:13 pm

All of the personality types have their strengths and weaknesses. They all, also have their counterparts. Here's something I found on ISTJ's and relationships. Which means that they get into relationships. I'll assume long term, but we all know how accurate assumptions are. So it's probably not simply the fact you're ISTJ. Like Beau mentioned, it might be other things, maybe even things you're not aware you're doing. I know I have problems with sending the wrong signals, so it might be a common aspie thing.

It sucks, but it's life. And glancing around the forum, I think a lot of us are in the same sinking boat, and just sort of spinning in circles. Too bad there isn't a test that can tell us exactly what we're doing wrong.



Maedre91
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17 Dec 2014, 8:12 pm

^^ I agree, I don't think the personality traits of a INTJ are repellant at all, it's probably more that you just have some difficulty communicating effectively with others.

I run a blog and have written a eBook on this very thing... it covers everything from how to use body language to come across friendly and socially receptive, to navigating the unwritten and irrational rules.

Feel free to check it out, no pressure.
http://succeedingsociallyaspie.com



AspieOtaku
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19 Dec 2014, 2:13 am

Well my social awkwardness and unable to catch on to socal ques due to my ASD paird with my INTJ personality of me coming across as cold and calculating tends to deflect mosts and is a major turn off for most women who want to connect and such!


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idlewild
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21 Dec 2014, 12:04 am

I find I have to curb my INTJ and/or ASD traits to maintain relationships. Took me years to figure out the difference between a conversation and debate.


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Cafeaulait
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21 Dec 2014, 2:11 am

So what is the difference between a conversation and a debate?



idlewild
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21 Dec 2014, 3:02 am

One is a casual sharing of ideas and the other is a more logical and challenging analysis.

Conversation: "Oh yeah, Poe can be too creepy for some people, I guess."

Debate: "Poe is one of the finest lyric poets in all of history and here is why you should love his work."

Most people talk in the first mode, but for years I was only using the second. I actually left an important event once when the speaker stated the sun was infinite. They were speaking poetically but the bad logic of the comment was too much for me.


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Zajie
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21 Dec 2014, 4:33 am

Yes, my father is an INTJ.



The_Walrus
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21 Dec 2014, 3:40 pm

Of course! If nothing else, introverts could date each other...

Worth noting that Myers-Briggs types are little more valid than star signs. They're not based on any real world observation and there isn't necessarily a meaningful distinction between the types.



BTDT
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22 Dec 2014, 10:06 am

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archi ... er/372573/
This article suggests that kindness and generosity are two important factors in having a successful relationship.

Relying on social cues is reactionary--it is actually better if you can act first, without any prompting from your partner.

For better or worse, relationships are also business relationships--it is quite likely that relationship is doomed if you can't agree on money matters and there isn't enough to gloss over the differences. But, if you can use your INTJ personality to amass a certain amount of financial stability, I think your chances become very good, if you can at least be kind and generous to the your partner, if you can't meet all their needs. You may also be able to find a partner who would actually prefer an INTJ--perhaps they have goals in life you can assist with--perhaps they want to see every bird in North America, for instance--your skills and support may be necessary to make that happen. Or maybe they want to become an Olympic athlete...



RikkiK
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22 Dec 2014, 11:51 pm

As a female INTJ, I dated a very aspergic fellow who was likely INTJ (or about that) as well. things would have probably lasted long if he had been more interested in me from the beginning. I understood that I was more of a fling than anything, though. I'm thinking, "birds of a feather flock together."



AspieOtaku
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23 Dec 2014, 3:58 am

RikkiK wrote:
As a female INTJ, I dated a very aspergic fellow who was likely INTJ (or about that) as well. things would have probably lasted long if he had been more interested in me from the beginning. I understood that I was more of a fling than anything, though. I'm thinking, "birds of a feather flock together."

It has been over 9 years since I have been in a serious relationship most between then and now end up being flings or fwb situations.


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Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
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You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList