Discussion: Autism and Polyamory

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mpe
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05 Mar 2015, 3:12 pm

charcoalsketches wrote:
I think the reason why I'm not too tense over it is because I believe that you can have more than one "one", if you understand.

I find the whole "one" concept incomprehensible.The idea of deliberatly seeking exclusivity seems crazy to me.



mpe
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05 Mar 2015, 3:21 pm

WaltD wrote:
There is some autistic angle to polyamoury because we look at relationships in a different way.

"Unconventional relationships" are specfically mentioned on http://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php
IME Wrong Planet isn't an especially friendly site for people who have or desire having relationships which would fall outside of social norms.
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And I can not live together anyway.

Cohabitation isn't a requirement of any relationship, either mono or poly.



mpe
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05 Mar 2015, 4:28 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
I wouldn't mind being in a poly relationship but when getting involved with more than one gf it can lead to more complications. I would worry about about one getting jealous of the other due to attention time and such so have to equally distribute the attention to both to ensure both get equal attention doing so requires extra energy.

Even if you were in a "V" you need not be the "hinge". (There are what are known as mono-poly relationships. Some mono people are fine with, even prefer, being in relationships with poly people. It can also be the case that some poly people prefer only other poly people though.)
It's more important to be "fair" to all your partners rather than "equal". Whilst they might appear to be the same thing, in practice they rarely are, since people are different. So relationships can be as unique as the people they involve. This applies just as much to sexual or romantic partners as it does to platonic ones.
If you did have two poly gfs then it's perfectly possible that they'd (both) have other bfs or gfs themselves.



AspieOtaku
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05 Mar 2015, 6:04 pm

mpe wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I wouldn't mind being in a poly relationship but when getting involved with more than one gf it can lead to more complications. I would worry about about one getting jealous of the other due to attention time and such so have to equally distribute the attention to both to ensure both get equal attention doing so requires extra energy.

Even if you were in a "V" you need not be the "hinge". (There are what are known as mono-poly relationships. Some mono people are fine with, even prefer, being in relationships with poly people. It can also be the case that some poly people prefer only other poly people though.)
It's more important to be "fair" to all your partners rather than "equal". Whilst they might appear to be the same thing, in practice they rarely are, since people are different. So relationships can be as unique as the people they involve. This applies just as much to sexual or romantic partners as it does to platonic ones.
If you did have two poly gfs then it's perfectly possible that they'd (both) have other bfs or gfs themselves.
Thats not so bad and leaves a lot of pressure off my chest I will need to get a bigger bed for extra sleeping space and umm....play time. :oops: If they were both bi and poly and like each other as well as me then its even better hehe. Oooh maybe a 3rd or 4th I could be like Issei Hyodo from Highschool DXD!! ! Time to unleash my boosted gear!


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AspieOtaku
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06 Mar 2015, 12:03 am


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charcoalsketches
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06 Mar 2015, 12:43 am

mpe wrote:
charcoalsketches wrote:
I think the reason why I'm not too tense over it is because I believe that you can have more than one "one", if you understand.

I find the whole "one" concept incomprehensible.The idea of deliberatly seeking exclusivity seems crazy to me.


I can honestly tell you that I have met and/or been romantically linked to a handful of girls that, had they lived around my way, I would have proudly considered wifey. Girls from Arizona, Canada, New Jersey, Wisconsin, (I was into long distance dating at the time. Sue me.) They all were amazing women in their own way, and they all can instantly destroy this idea of there being only one woman or man for you. At least that happens after you truly get to know those girls or guys.

So, what do you do when you are faced with that dilemma? Some resort to polygamy. Sounds like a plan, I guess.


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sellieve
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06 Mar 2015, 4:35 pm

I am polyamorous, and I enjoy the excitement of experiencing multiple people. I see each person only a couple times a year because most of them live in a different city from me. They know about eachother and don't get jealous.



mpe
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08 Mar 2015, 6:09 am

AspieOtaku wrote:
mpe wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I wouldn't mind being in a poly relationship but when getting involved with more than one gf it can lead to more complications. I would worry about about one getting jealous of the other due to attention time and such so have to equally distribute the attention to both to ensure both get equal attention doing so requires extra energy.

Even if you were in a "V" you need not be the "hinge". (There are what are known as mono-poly relationships. Some mono people are fine with, even prefer, being in relationships with poly people. It can also be the case that some poly people prefer only other poly people though.)
It's more important to be "fair" to all your partners rather than "equal". Whilst they might appear to be the same thing, in practice they rarely are, since people are different. So relationships can be as unique as the people they involve. This applies just as much to sexual or romantic partners as it does to platonic ones.
If you did have two poly gfs then it's perfectly possible that they'd (both) have other bfs or gfs themselves.
Thats not so bad and leaves a lot of pressure off my chest I will need to get a bigger bed for extra sleeping space and umm....play time.

Even in a co-habiting group poly situation group sex is not the norm. At a rather more practical level it's rather important that everyone in a co-habiting situation has his or her own space. With some aspies requiring a great deal of personal space. Even if you did have partners sharing a house separate individual bedrooms with an "big bed" in a "playroom" could be a far more practical way to go about things.
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If they were both bi and poly and like each other as well as me then its even better hehe.

Very unlikely to happen.



rdos
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08 Mar 2015, 7:02 am

I think being asexual is so much easier in regards to polyamory. Sex with multiple people is even more disgusting than sex with only one. :mrgreen:



AspieOtaku
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08 Mar 2015, 11:22 am

mpe wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
mpe wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I wouldn't mind being in a poly relationship but when getting involved with more than one gf it can lead to more complications. I would worry about about one getting jealous of the other due to attention time and such so have to equally distribute the attention to both to ensure both get equal attention doing so requires extra energy.

Even if you were in a "V" you need not be the "hinge". (There are what are known as mono-poly relationships. Some mono people are fine with, even prefer, being in relationships with poly people. It can also be the case that some poly people prefer only other poly people though.)
It's more important to be "fair" to all your partners rather than "equal". Whilst they might appear to be the same thing, in practice they rarely are, since people are different. So relationships can be as unique as the people they involve. This applies just as much to sexual or romantic partners as it does to platonic ones.
If you did have two poly gfs then it's perfectly possible that they'd (both) have other bfs or gfs themselves.
Thats not so bad and leaves a lot of pressure off my chest I will need to get a bigger bed for extra sleeping space and umm....play time.

Even in a co-habiting group poly situation group sex is not the norm. At a rather more practical level it's rather important that everyone in a co-habiting situation has his or her own space. With some aspies requiring a great deal of personal space. Even if you did have partners sharing a house separate individual bedrooms with an "big bed" in a "playroom" could be a far more practical way to go about things.
Quote:
If they were both bi and poly and like each other as well as me then its even better hehe.

Very unlikely to happen.
Drat!


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Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
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LillaA
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08 Mar 2015, 5:08 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
mpe wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
mpe wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I wouldn't mind being in a poly relationship but when getting involved with more than one gf it can lead to more complications. I would worry about about one getting jealous of the other due to attention time and such so have to equally distribute the attention to both to ensure both get equal attention doing so requires extra energy.

Even if you were in a "V" you need not be the "hinge". (There are what are known as mono-poly relationships. Some mono people are fine with, even prefer, being in relationships with poly people. It can also be the case that some poly people prefer only other poly people though.)
It's more important to be "fair" to all your partners rather than "equal". Whilst they might appear to be the same thing, in practice they rarely are, since people are different. So relationships can be as unique as the people they involve. This applies just as much to sexual or romantic partners as it does to platonic ones.
If you did have two poly gfs then it's perfectly possible that they'd (both) have other bfs or gfs themselves.
Thats not so bad and leaves a lot of pressure off my chest I will need to get a bigger bed for extra sleeping space and umm....play time.

Even in a co-habiting group poly situation group sex is not the norm. At a rather more practical level it's rather important that everyone in a co-habiting situation has his or her own space. With some aspies requiring a great deal of personal space. Even if you did have partners sharing a house separate individual bedrooms with an "big bed" in a "playroom" could be a far more practical way to go about things.
Quote:
If they were both bi and poly and like each other as well as me then its even better hehe.

Very unlikely to happen.
Drat!

It does happen sometimes though. I have known of some very happy triads, where all 3 love each other mutually. Personally, I think a triad sounds like it could be very beneficial and I would be open to being in one, but wouldn't want to be part of a V (regardless of which part of it I was); however, I know some people are very happy in V's, too.


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AspieOtaku
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08 Mar 2015, 10:02 pm

LillaA wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
mpe wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
mpe wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I wouldn't mind being in a poly relationship but when getting involved with more than one gf it can lead to more complications. I would worry about about one getting jealous of the other due to attention time and such so have to equally distribute the attention to both to ensure both get equal attention doing so requires extra energy.

Even if you were in a "V" you need not be the "hinge". (There are what are known as mono-poly relationships. Some mono people are fine with, even prefer, being in relationships with poly people. It can also be the case that some poly people prefer only other poly people though.)
It's more important to be "fair" to all your partners rather than "equal". Whilst they might appear to be the same thing, in practice they rarely are, since people are different. So relationships can be as unique as the people they involve. This applies just as much to sexual or romantic partners as it does to platonic ones.
If you did have two poly gfs then it's perfectly possible that they'd (both) have other bfs or gfs themselves.
Thats not so bad and leaves a lot of pressure off my chest I will need to get a bigger bed for extra sleeping space and umm....play time.

Even in a co-habiting group poly situation group sex is not the norm. At a rather more practical level it's rather important that everyone in a co-habiting situation has his or her own space. With some aspies requiring a great deal of personal space. Even if you did have partners sharing a house separate individual bedrooms with an "big bed" in a "playroom" could be a far more practical way to go about things.
Quote:
If they were both bi and poly and like each other as well as me then its even better hehe.

Very unlikely to happen.
Drat!

It does happen sometimes though. I have known of some very happy triads, where all 3 love each other mutually. Personally, I think a triad sounds like it could be very beneficial and I would be open to being in one, but wouldn't want to be part of a V (regardless of which part of it I was); however, I know some people are very happy in V's, too.
Woohoo!! !! !!


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You are very likely an aspie
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Lazar_Kaganovich
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08 Mar 2015, 10:05 pm

LadyDaemontus wrote:
What are your views on Polyamory?
What are your experiences?
How did you make poly relationships work?
What went wrong?

Basically, discuss Polyamory here.


My views are that it is extremely self-indulgent and *not* a good thing. To each ones own I suppose, but I have no desire to participate in it nor be involved with those who do. I have no experience with it and that is intentional.



mixtape02
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09 Mar 2015, 4:21 pm

I'm monogamous but I met abusive manipulative Ex in 2010 and proceeded to make out with her for the first time in a 3 year (toxic) correspondence. Only the next day she confessed she has a girlfriend, she just neglected to tell me before she chose to put her mouth on me that she is already in a relationship and they're swingers who date/sleep with other couples. And this was the first red flag of thousands, but I failed to see it. :| I understand that you can love one person and another and another and everyone involved consents to it and has a good time, but not if you later are constantly kicking me out and are like, "There's someone else."

12 hours later "I lied. There isn't someone else."

5 minutes later. "We should be talking about this girl together. Testing the waters..."

So that experience was a whole tractor of WTF. Here's a blog for more ~WTF ex stories~:

http://www.minihulkhorror.blogspot.com :mrgreen:



AspieOtaku
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10 Mar 2015, 4:40 am

I would love to be a hinge of a V involving two women both bi loving eachother as well as me it would be awesome! I would snuggle with them and cuddle with them and they can snuggle and cuddle with each other it would be super awesome!


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LillaA
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10 Mar 2015, 6:02 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
I would love to be a hinge of a V involving two women both bi loving eachother as well as me it would be awesome! I would snuggle with them and cuddle with them and they can snuggle and cuddle with each other it would be super awesome!

From what I've seen, in the polyamory world, a "V" means a relationship where 1 person is in a relationship with 2 others, but the 2 others aren't in a relationship with each other. What you've described is usually called a "triad" - think of a triangle, all 3 points are connected to each other - so you're in a relationship with both girls and both girls are in a relationship with each other (or 3 girls are in relationship with each other or 3 guys or 1 girl and 2 guys). If a polyamorous relationship is intended to be long-term and exclusive, it's sometimes called "polyfidelity" rather than "polyamory" to indicate that all involved members (3 in a triad) are faithful to each other and committed to a longer relationship, as opposed to "swingers" or others who have multiple short-term relationships.

A polyfidelity-based triad would, I think, be a very supportive and solid arrangement with the right 3 people. They're rare, because generally once 2 get together, any 3rd assumes they're "unavailable" and it's hard to make anything come about...but I'd love to be one of the exceptions. I am already part of a couple, so know that my chances of experiencing a triad are pretty slight (my partner would be happy to have a 2nd girl as well, but changing desire into reality is difficult), but if I ended up being one of the lucky ones, that'd be awesome. :) My partner got to know a triad and he's told me about their story, and I've read stories of a few others. How they get together is always interesting to hear about - usually, it seems, none of the involved parties had any clue polyamory even existed, but somehow they still ended up together.

Here's one blog that I really enjoyed reading through: http://itaintyourmamasthreesome.blogspot.com


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