Should I disclose?

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I've got a date for tomorrow. This makes me think of one question. Should I disclose? Should I tell her I'm aspie? I mean, I think the thing that always goes wrong on my dates is that I don't tell them I'm aspie, I don't respond to their nonverbal cues and then they get frustrated and I never see them again.

Would it be smart for me to just tell her that i can't read body language? I mean, she already seems to be really into me and when she started messaging me, her opening message was on how she likes geek guys. Maybe she will accept it as one of the quirks of dating a geek guy. I mean, I think that when two are dating they should be able to accept small flaws in each other, small ones that can't be helped.

Since she's a primary school teacher I have a feeling she's heard of Asperger's before. A percentage of her students may have it. This may be the first time she's encountered it in an adult... or maybe it isn't.

Disclosing might be the one thing that makes it work or she might see it is immature, as making excuses for myself... what you think?

Don't disclose, not now, not ever.

I would not disclose until you get so close to each other that you're considering living together. Not a wise move.

Or unless you REALLY feel like it.

Frankly, most people do not have a great deal of knowledge of autism spectrum disorders.

This person might have more knowledge than most about autism spectrum disorders.....but there must might remain a lingering prejudice, nevertheless.

If it comes up in discussion--if she speaks about her experiences with Aspergian kids without prejudice against them--
then I might consider disclosing.

You could talk about your little quirks without saying you have Asperger's. Just like any NT person could talk about their quirks.

My favorite lady knows my brain better than I do if I had to guess. Yeah, she does think it's weird, but everyone I know is weird, things balance out.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Absolutely not. If all goes well, she'll figure it out for herself.

Don't disclose ... yet.

Instead, ask her if her school has programs for Special Needs students, such as those with learning disabilities or perception disorders ... like ADHD, PTSD, or Autism Spectrum Disorders. Tell her that you have some interest, because you just found out that a distant friend may have AS ... Even though you think he's just a little nerdy. Tell her also that you're not likely to see this friend again for a while because he lives in another state or province ...

Then describe some of "his" (your) symptoms to her and ask her what she thinks. Eventually, she may figure it out; but in the meantime, you two will have the opportunity to get to know each other better, and maybe even form a committed relationship.

Of course, you'll have to apologize later for deceiving her; but eventually, all men have to do that anyway, whether they've intentionally tried to deceive a woman or not ...

Or you can always just explain yourself without categorizing yourself, might be easier than deceiving anybody.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

don't disclose on the first date, but don't try to weasel around it either.
should the topic come up, just agree and let the word get out naturally.

also, you should disclose early-ish in the relationship, but it's best to wait untill you are exclusive

I think that if your partner can't face your diagnosis, it's a lot less likely that they'll be able to understand your symptoms, either. Maybe you shouldn't disclose on the first date, but I definitely think you should tell her before you get so involved that you'll both get hurt if she realizes something is "off" about you and she doesn't like it.

Totally agree with Kraftiekortie.

Disclose it when you've gotten to know her better and she get's to know you. When you trust her enough that you feel that you can disclose, then you can disclose but it probably won't be on the first date.

Also, another thing that I've learnt to do, you should probably give her resources like websites etc if she doesn't know much about ASD. There's a lot of prejudiced and bigoted stuff about AS on the internet, especially with regards to AS and relationships. So you need to give her positive resources, even if only to avoid the possibility that she googles around and finds the negative stigmatising stuff first.

May i suggest you do not disclose right away but later on when you are comfortable or the situation requires an explination (You might loose her if you dont explain your behaviour)

I have disclosed to only two girls i have dated . First one lasted 2 years and i told here within a couple months voluntarily. Second one is ongoing and i was forced to tell her after i told her i had no friends. I was also forced to tell her about ocd after i had no choice but to take medication in front of her.