Should I disclose?

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May i suggest you do not disclose right away but later on when you are comfortable or the situation requires an explination (You might loose her if you dont explain your behaviour)

I have disclosed to only two girls i have dated . First one lasted 2 years and i told here within a couple months voluntarily. Second one is ongoing and i was forced to tell her after i told her i had no friends. I was also forced to tell her about ocd after i had no choice but to take medication in front of her.

Kind of reminds me of last year when my girlfriend found out I was taking meds and I did pose a question on this forum about it too. Conversation went like this:
Her: Why didnt you tell me earlier? We're dating and getting serious and I need to know
Me: Would you have stayed if I revealed this information up front?
Her: Well.... *pause went to long*
Me: Doesn't sound like you would. Is this a problem now?
Her: No.

OP, when you reveal information like this, you better be prepared for a potential argument. Meaning, you don't reveal this information right away if you believe you want to keep dating someone and don't reveal it out of the blue by saying something like "So yeah, anyway, i have Aspergers/Autism". And it is best to find out exactly what they are thinking too. If this might end up being an argument they think they can win, they won't if you remain calm about yourself and self assured. However, she was aware of my diagnosis long before this point too, but was also told that I was recovering from post concussion trauma when I met her as well (which was in fact true, and played a role into why I had to take meds).

And I was hoping you were just joking.

I would not until you are somewhat vested in a few dates or so. Don't disclose too much information at first. You will run her off.

There seems to be a general consensus that I shouldn't disclose for a long time. Maybe you're all right. I've never disclosed to a girl I dated before but... they say insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I didn't disclose before and I got bad results so... if I do the same thing again, am I not likely to get the same results? Sure disclosing may result in failure but... call it trial and error.

I just think that all my bad dates where caused by me not being able to read girls and not being able to gauge their level of interest and then they think I'm a cold fish or, more often then not, they think I don't like them when I do. Maybe if I gave them some kind of explanation for my anomalous behavior instead of just pretending I'm normal when I'm not.

Who knows what I'll do. It's not like I ever go into these things with a plan. Maybe telling her on the third of fourth date would be a good compromise, as some of you have suggested.

Don't ever do it unless you completely trust the person. Once you tell it, it will permanently stick to their minds. Every bad aspect and shortcoming of you will be associated with it, which might then turn into irrational fear and doubt.

Well I don't trust her so much now. That's the second time she's stood me up in as many weeks. She can't keep her story straight. First she says she didn't come because she messaged me last night to confirm our date and I didn't reply. I checked my messages, she did not message me last night. I ask her if she wants to come anyway and then she says she's sick. She didn't mention being sick before. If she wants to tell lies she should at least keep them consistent. Now I don't trust her as far as I could throw her (which isn't very far, she's a rather hefty girl).

I wouldn't disclose your diagnosis on the first date; it might scare her-not that you have autism but that you are getting to personal too quickly; you are confiding too much, too soon. In the NT world, it is seen as a red flag to tell too much about yourself too soon. I'd let her get to know you first. Telling her about your autism might be seen as a pity play (see SCTV cabbage head skit on youtube).

Your head seems to be on right by choosing not to trust someone like this. She can't respect other people's time, so there is no reason to bother with her.

Exactly. Time and petrol aren't cheap. I don't have time to spare nowadays. I'm busier than I used to be.

I should give my time and trust to a thinner, more punctual girl. One who respects my time and shows self-respect by not overeating. There are two things that any adult should be able to do. Keep an appointment and control their eating. Not that I'm bitter at her or anything. Yes I am.

I totally agree. Focus on the behaviour, not the label. So if you're not great at reading between the lines which you're worried about coming over as being rude, if she says something you don't understand just say with a smile, "sorry, i think you might be trying to tell me something but i'm not great at reading between the lines. You can be blunt with me - i won't be offended!"

She might already have worked out you're an aspie. She might even be an aspie herself.

I'd advise against dishonesty. That would put me off hugely.

Well this obviously doesn't matter for the woman in the OP, but I'll comment for future reference anyway.

I usually either disclose on the first date, or before it if I've met them online and we are having good chats. I've never had a bad reaction. I feel like if I tell them later, it makes it more of a big deal, like a "there's something I've been waiting for the right moment to tell you" type situation which makes it seem more important.

I mostly date other aspies or those with lots of aspie traits, so I'm comfortable talking about it (in fact I must, in order to determine whether they are like-minded in that sense). Sometimes I'll go on a date with an NT and not feel ready/comfortable about revealing my AS. To me that means this person is probably not right for me; if I'm worried about their reaction then that means I don't have a rapport with them and the type of person I want to date is someone I built rapport with very quickly. If someone makes me feel uncomfortable, then they are already not on my level, that is, they have some kind of control over me (even if totally subconscious or unintended).

So in summary, if I get along with the person, my diagnosis is mentioned very early. If I feel I want to wait, well, I probably won't get past one or two dates with that person so it doesn't matter.

Yeah that might work. I could just describe the symptoms without naming the condition.She doesn't seem like one. She does have a liking for NES games, SNES games, arcade games, etc. Actually when she first messaged me she said she was impressed by my MAME cabinet (I always knew that thing could be used to impress girls). But she's not outwardly geeky. She's outgoing, smiles a lot, acts like a normotypical. I think she may be a closet geek but she doesn't seem to be aspie.Fair point.Ehhh, maybe, maybe not. She wants to buy me lunch. Maybe that will make up for her standing me up. I'll be sure to message her in the morning to make sure she doesn't forgot and has no excuse. Now if I could think of a way to politely suggest she start taking phentermine without offending her.You may be right. I don't want people to think I'm ashamed of being aspie and if I wait a long time they may think I was trying to hide it out of shame. Really I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of.

It's definitely not anything to be ashamed of in the dating world! We are out there to get to know one another, not cover stuff up. For me it's more like a secret handshake. I'm aspie, you're aspie? Nice, we are probably gonna get along. Or even if they are not aspie, they'll have other quirks they can share. This is the best stuff to learn about one another, the interesting stuff (so in that sense I guess it *is* important, but in a good way not a bad way). Why wait to talk about it? It's the boring crap that can wait til later dates!

Maybe this girl has social anxiety and that's why she's stood you up twice?