Pretty sure I got stood up

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I was going to have a woman over to my place. I was going to cook her dinner and we'd watch a movie. But of course a few hours before hand she texts saying she's sick. I'm pretty sure she's lying. So sad I'm so used to being ditched last minute like this, that when I get a text a few hours before I'm expecting guests, I'm not even surprised anymore when it's someone saying they can't come.

Man I get so exhausted by this, by all the games and the lies and the subterfuge, when all I want is someone who wants to hang out and watch a movie. Someone I can cook for and entertain and form a bond with. I see my married friends, and they have such wonderful, loving partners who actually call them for no reason apart from wanting to know how they're doing. Can you believe that? I can't imagine what that's like, to have someone who actually thinks about me.

Love is a bloody waste. I gotta just quit. I gotta quit trying to find love, because all I find are worthless liars.

Bonds are formed preemptively. More likely than not she either actually was sick or realized the haste with which a dude like yourself is willing to deem her worthless. Lying is a skill too anyway.

I've been nothing but kind to her as a friend. I just was so excited to have a guest for once who I could cook dinner for. I should probably have known as much. She was engaged before and broke it off. I suspect she's nuts or just rotten. In any case, lying may be a skill but it is not one I value in the least. I have infinite appreciation and admiration for the woman who says what's on her mind, and says what she wants. I can respect that if she isn't attracted to me or isn't interested in friendship, if she has the courage to say that up front. I respect that mightily. But the ones who lie and make excuses, men or women, are just cowards.

Anyways good riddance to her. I'm fine by myself. I've made it this far without needing anyone, and I'll keep going that way until I find someone who does want my company. And that person will be the most loved, respected, appreciated person. I'll never take her for granted.

'Tis true.



She might have actually been sick, but subterfuge is the way of women when it comes to dealing with men. Brianruns10, she's not worth your time. Ignore her from now on.

inviting someone over for dinner and a movie usually means sex, at least, people expect that to be all it really means

try something different next time. unfortunately, lying and ignoring someone are socially acceptable ways of brushing someone off. why, i will never understand, but it's something we all have to put up with.

Well I won't argue with you there. That's the reason I no longer even try. Last time a guy stood me up with the same BS excuse I just deleted his number from my phone and never bothered to answer another txt or msg from him again. Like you can blow me off last minute and I'll still be wanting to talk to you? Get lost.

My opinion:

Write the girl: asking her, pointedly, why she stood you up.

Tell her you don't like to play games. Maybe offer up some history of being stood up by others as a reason for your skepticism. But don't seem angry--just seem like you want an adult answer to an adult question.

Maybe she sincerely couldn't make it--who knows? But I'm beginning to become skeptical myself. I'm not an eternal optimist, by any means!

I've been stood up--many-a-time. I know the feeling being stood up.

My opinion:

Write the girl: asking her, pointedly, why she stood you up.

Tell her you don't like to play games. Maybe offer up some history of being stood up by others as a reason for your skepticism. But don't seem angry--just seem like you want an adult answer to an adult question.

Maybe she sincerely couldn't make it--who knows? But I'm beginning to become skeptical myself. I'm not an eternal optimist, by any means!

I've been stood up--many-a-time. I know the feeling being stood up.

Yep, explain to her pleasantly how you have been stood up before by others. Don't blame her (yet). If she stood you up, she will get the message loud and clear. If she didn't, she will probably offer a make-up date of some kind.

I adopted a 15-minute rule about 25 years ago where, if a friend or date failed to show up by 15 minutes after our arranged time, I walked. Fifteen minutes was enough time to get delayed in traffic or forget our plans, and STILL call to let me know they would be late. BTW, I never got an explanation OR a follow-up call even days later (I wish they would have been nice enough to fake a reason). It is humiliating to spend 15 or 20 minutes at a cafe or (worse) a restaurant waiting for another person while the servers keep asking if I wanted "something to drink."

I have learned to enjoy my own company. Sure I have a few friends, but no dates or possibilities. I hate that, but I am okay with getting a faked reason compared to the alternative of getting no reason at all.

My advice is not contact her all. If you do, you'll come off too needy. Let her be the one to initiate the next date. Believe me, I've made that mistake (and more recently than I care to admit at my age.)

I was once stood up by the same girl 3 o times if I recall right, every time she says "Yes! Why not!" with excitement and smiling to a date suggestion then she cancels it with a text on the same day.

The last time she did with a text I replied to her something like that "Oh goodness, good that you did, I wanted to cancel the date myself but I was so embarrassed, I am glade this came out mutually", and miraculously she initiated texting the next day, something she never did before - I blew her by telling her "I thought well and I don't think you're my type" - she got BURNED , sweet revenge.

Brian, try a similar line next time, don't ever show that you got disappoint.

Brian, wait a couple of days (she won't initiate texting you, don't get any hope) then drop the bomb with a text like this: "Hi <her name>, I hope you got better now, look maybe this was a sign that we aren't meant to each other, I give it a thought and I don't think your type is attractive to me to be honest".

BOOM!!

And yes, expect that she's gonna bug you to know WHY you don't find her attractive but keep replying with something like "it doesn't matter anymore" - if she keeps bugging you with texting then give her another blow by telling that you got a date with another girl already.

I love it when I turn the table on those who think they get the upper hand.

It is a little early to say. Even though some people are going to make excuses, there is actually a very real possibility of falling sick the day you're supposed to meet someone. Try for something in the next couple of days. If nothing else, avoid wasting your time and peace of mind by going out of your way to fight with others over rudeness and rebuffs, or assuming you have a reason to fight with them before taking the peaceful route.

I've had an online friend I used to talk to every day drop our contact to zero immediately after meeting me in person for the next week until I gave up, and was once stood up by a boy I liked in the next state over who promised to meet for a video chat. I know how it feels.

Yes. For me, at least, the proximity of the excuse to the pre-arranged meeting tells all. An hour or two before meeting? An obvious bail out. The morning before? A lot more valid.

This.



DON'T DO THIS. It will make her defensive. Don't mention anything about relationships or playing games.

Even when someone is enthusiastic about meeting you again, don't believe them. That's not to say they're purposely leading you on - it's a thing that people do. It's called politeness. I think it's stupid and pointless, but anyway: Don't believe what someone says until they do it. When someone says something like, "Hey we should meet up for a coffee sometime" it's their way of being polite. When someone keeps making excuses not to see you, that means they don't want to see you. Take everything with a pinch of salt so you don't get too disappointed.

Maybe hers was a valid excuse. In all honesty I think she might have felt too pressured to go to your place, it somehow implies sex or the next level in some way. I would meet her for coffees and lunches out first.

This is the best advice so far.

Sure, send her a nice, sincere "Get Well" card if you feel the need to say anything to her at all, just don't say anything about being stood up. Other than that, leave the next two-way contact up to her.