Pretty sure I got stood up

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I'm neither ideal nor superior Boo, I'm simply posting what I thought about it. I never said anything about her being a fortune teller and knowing in advance about how he overreacts, I said that she was lucky to escape a potential relationship with a partner who goes that far overboard when something like a cancelled date happens. I also mentioned more than his use of the word worthless. He said that she was probably rotten because she was in an engagement that was called off. Either way his reaction was over the top.

Whether you feel you are being generous or not has nothing to do with anything, and saying you are sick is a generally accepted polite excuse for a situation like that when you need to cancel something and not go into detail. She may have been actually physically ill or she may have been tired or something else might have come up that prevented her from being able to go but wasn't really any of his business and she had no desire to go into it with him. Since it was last minute, I'd bet that something actually came up and she called to let him know. Just because she didn't suggest another date at the time doesn't mean she wouldn't be interested in rescheduling, it could easily mean that she didn't have time to find a day and time that she could go right that second. She could very easily have been in a hurry and wanted to just text him real quick and let him know she couldn't make it and then work out the rest of it later on. I'd put money on that being what happened, unless something else happened during their contact between when he asked her out and when she cancelled.

I'm certainly not ruling that out because even though I don't see him saying anything overtly that would show off his insecurity and possible paranoid seeming perception of rejection, stuff like that can and will slip out into conversation even if it's just a weird vibe that somebody picks up on but can't put their finger on. I would pretty much guess that if something happened during the interim, she would have found a way to cancel before the last minute, with a much better sounding excuse. I'm not sure but I think this might be the poster who several times stated that he was going to commit suicide if he didn't find a relationship by a certain age. I could be wrong and thats somebody else, but I do think its the same person and I'm just not going to go back through months of posts to look that up. If that is him, of course that kind of hopeless feeling is profoundly sad and while I do wish him a relationship much before that time limit, I have to say that is the very same kind of over the top reaction to something that would give off a weird vibe, and can't help but surfacing somewhere during casual contact even if not overtly stated. Also, being very angry and bitching about what crappy luck you have or something else along those lines is more of an appropriate reaction to that, rather than deciding that she's worthless, a liar and rotten because she might have changed her mind about going out with him. It makes me wonder what would happen in a real relationship several months or years down the road when they hit a serious problem.

Also, I'd like to ask where you get your statistics. Are they just your opinion - which is perfectly valid as long as you state it as such and not as some fact that is carved in granite - or did you find them on some website somewhere? I'd also like to ask if you have ever cancelled at the last minute and if so, why? I know I have, for several different reasons and most of the time it was truly because something came up and I just couldn't manage it that day. Is someone obligated to go through with a date if something comes up, or if they actually change their mind based on something else?

I would honestly think that if he comes across as creepy or a loser or an emotionally unstable whacko, he really wouldn't have many women accept his invitations in the first place so I believe it's either bad luck, bad timing, not the best choices in dating prospects, or something he does or says between asking them out and the actual date, or various combinations of all of those.

Either way, noticing and commenting on his out of proportion reaction to this in no way makes me or anyone else a holier than thou as*hole or condescending in any way. My opinion is just as valid as yours, or his, or anyone else's but it seems that the deciding factor about whether or not Brian gets a date belongs to the girl the date is with and he's either asking out twats exclusively, is having the worst bad luck run around, or is doing something to put them off. If you want to look around for who might be sitting on the self important throne, one clue to that might be in who feels that giving the girl their benefit of the doubt is being incredibly generous.

Boo, "worthless" is an overreaction, and not even a minor one.

^What they said. Also, I don't subscribe to the idea of sin.

Wait a minute, I'm going on the assumption that she had accepted a date and then backed out at the last minute. He didn't specify that in the original post, so now I want to ask if that was the case or if he had invited her over and was waiting on and answer and then she said no a few minutes before he was expecting her. Either way could be the case, so I'd like to ask Brian to clarify that please. Is this a case of her changing her mind or a case of her not answering until the last minute?

I find statistics meaningless in an individual dating context.

Individual men and women are not statistics.

Exactly fellas, people overreact when frustrated or very upset; it's called overreaction because it's not based on good reasoning.
Remember that this was not just a direct rejection, from his post it seems that she "accepted" first then she canceled it after him getting his hopes high for the date.

it's really funny how the general reaction on this forum depending on the OP's gender even if the one venting about the same thing is female, everyone is with her, no one question her, but if he's male then they start questioning him; this thread linked me to another thread started by a lady complaining about her date who stood her up:

viewtopic.php?t=257755

She called him a woman-hater and never forgiving him for standing her out DESPITE that he saw her again after that, accusing him of playing a power grip game for not contacting for a while possibly few days....but what's funny is how the users reacted differently:

- No one said that he really possibly could not have signal on his phone, or he got too busy later to text her daily, everyone seemed to be quick on going on the bandwagon of insulting him. Typical when the OP is female complaining about her guy.

- She was told that he SHOULD explain himself. No one demanded any of brain's or any guy's date on WP to explain herself.

- Everyone sympathized with the OP, no one ever said that maybe....just maybe she was unfair about him.

It was always this case on WP It can't be more obvious than that.

I actually do agree 100% with you on this silly gender war that takes place in this forum, but keep in mind 2 massive differences, this post we're talking in was going to be a first date. The post you mentioned, the man uttered the phrase "I'm falling for you" after several dates. Quite a big difference in situations.

I am sure if the OP's date said the same thing they would have told him that she still has no obligation to explain herself.

I agree on the no obligation thing but it's a courtesy to do it.

No 886, it has always been this case: Females in such situations are more likely to be viewed in victimized light while males are almost always put in accusatory/blaming light by some users ("it must be you, your fault, not her")

Bingo, Boo. You did it again.

The irony of the "praise women no matter what they do" thing? Well, it shows sexism. People are basically saying to them that they are weak and thus deserve to be coddled.

While at the same time, praising women and denouncing men for doing the same thing......also shows sexism towards men.

It really is very different how people interact with women compared to men. Men can't complain about anything. Even if they have a valid reason to. Say a man's ex was about to kill him, just out of the blue, do you know what would happen if the man posted about it on here? 99% of the members would say (just like others in real life), "what did you do? You musta done something to deserve it."

Now if it was a woman in that situation, everybody would be throwing well wishes and sympathy her way.

Biases against women are a crime against humanity. Biases against men are humorous.

That's just the way it is. Some things will never change.

^Using death is a pretty extreme example.

As for the link, I noticed I pretty much told her the same thing I told Brian in this thread. I knew the OP's content looked familiar when I started reading it.

I used an extreme example because, sadly, that's how it works. A man can do absolutely nothing wrong, then stare down the barrel of a shotgun at the hands of a woman a second later. But what will happen after that? The man will hear phrases like:

"Oh, what did you do? You musta done something to provoke her!"
"Right on, she was right to do that!"
"Damn, you must be the world's biggest tool!"

.....and so on and so forth. But nobody will point out the elephant in the room, that the woman pointed a weapon at him in the first place.

This doesn't just happen for situations like this. It could be as simple as a small disagreement. Woe betide the man who ends up being right in an argument against a woman. All the white knights and "go 'head girl" people will come out of the woodwork at that point.

It's really goddamn stupid.

If we want equality, we have to aim for several things:

1. Better equality in divorce courts so that women don't end up cleaning up damn near every single time (fault of politics, not women themselves.)
2. Better equality in how people act around different genders
3. Better equality in law period so that people, whether male or female, can't get away with a crime just because of their gender
4. Better implementation of places like rape clinics

I mean, I'm sorry I went on a diatribe about this, but I really hate inequality and double standards. I try not to practice them in my day-to-day life.

Being stood up sucks. Just today my long time boyfriend didn't show. Not for the first time. I gave him an hour and called. He had fallen asleep and sounded terrible - the flu. So you never know. At any rate, no sense giving up because of this. Just another experience.

Cynical waffle - How does your screed relate to what OP was ranting about (getting stood up)? Do you realize an invitation is NOT a subpoena?


1. Do you have actual evidence of this? Because even Massachusetts, that had the most archaic alimony laws in the country, reformed them way back in 2012:

http://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/st ... ed-judges/
2. Huh??

3. Do you have any any evidence to support this contention?

4. False accusations of rape accusations of rape are rare (less than 10%), most rapes (upwards of 90%) and most go unreported. But, yes, false allegations can destroy lives.

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/ ... appen.html

However, asking a woman you are making out with if she's enjoying it, is comfortable going further sexually, etc. is a terrific way to REDUCE the odds of being falsely accused of rape. You know, not raping girl? Not pushing your luck and hoping she presses no charges like the dude who started the raps/assault thread??

Thanks all for the supportive comments. And for the ones not supportive, the ones who make assumptions and accusations, well you know where you can go.

I don't call her worthless. I call LIARS worthless. Because once a person has lied to me, I don't know what I know about them. They're entirely suspect. And I can't have a person like that in my life. And the girl who stood me up IS a liar. Because she's not responded to me since she suddenly broke off our evening at the last minute feigning sickness. Yeah, right.

I had a great evening planned. I had food, I was cooking her dinner, it was going to be wonderful and I was going to be a perfect gentleman. I so yearn to find that person I can love and take care of and just give my absolute best, really prove to her that I'm worthy.

And this woman just blew that off. She was disrespectful and discourteous. All I ask of someone is that they be honest with me. That they be open. That they call once in a while. I'm so sick of always being the one to call or text. They do nothing, I do everything. Well to hell with her. I'll find someone someday who'll appreciate and actually want what I have to give.

An invitation is not a subpoena. An invitation is not a subpoena. You being mad about being stood up at the last minute (which was both rude & mean) DOES NOT MAKE A DINNER INVITATION A SUBPOENA!

Stopping youself from being the one to always call/text is a terrific idea -- it assumes the women who who reciprocate your interest will return your calls/texts!

You also might wanna rethink having aaaaallll this anger at some girl you barely knew standing you up. It happens, it does suck but declaring all women to be selfish/mean/liars because you happened to date a few that were? Is unlikely to make you happy.

(Also, you're worthy. For existing. Everybody is. Your worthiness is UNRELATED to the girl who stood you up. You've got NOTHING to prove to anybody).