Afraid of being alone forever?

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goofygoobers
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24 Jan 2015, 11:45 pm

I'm afraid no one will want to date me, love me, or marry me. To this day, no one has asked me out. I even go to college and talk to people, but that doesn't affect anything. I really have no clue how I should go about this. Am I going to be alone forever? It seems as if everyone is with someone except for me. I mean, no one even gives me a chance except nerdy guys in IRC chatrooms who stroke my ego, but that's not the same. I want real human contact, real human love and acceptance. It seems as if the male sex is turned off by me. Here's pics in case you're curious what I look like:
http://imgur.com/a/cdNic



Klowglas
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25 Jan 2015, 12:25 am

So what's wrong with those nerdy guys, if they are the only ones who will accept you and love you, why do you turn your head away from the only ones that appreciate you?

As someone whose taken the red pill, I have a rather good hint on the answer, and it's a sad thing.



goofygoobers
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25 Jan 2015, 12:37 am

Klowglas wrote:
So what's wrong with those nerdy guys, if they are the only ones who will accept you and love you, why do you turn your head away from the only ones that appreciate you?

As someone whose taken the red pill, I have a rather good hint on the answer, and it's a sad thing.


The only thing that's wrong is that they're never attracted to me in person. No one is.... and it bothers me.



Klowglas
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25 Jan 2015, 12:51 am

I don't believe that, you're not anywhere near ugly.

You might be mistaking shyness with disinterest. You should try initiating for them instead of waiting for their response. If you guys are youngish then the male most likely has to conquer a bit of fear because they're afraid of rejection, which is typical for nerds since the males are the ones that typically initiate, making things a bit easier for him by initiating for him will show that you're open and he will more likely reciprocate.



goofygoobers
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25 Jan 2015, 12:57 am

Klowglas wrote:
I don't believe that, you're not anywhere near ugly.

You might be mistaking shyness with disinterest. You should try initiating for them instead of waiting for their response. If you guys are youngish then the male most likely has to conquer a bit of fear because they're afraid of rejection, which is typical for nerds since the males are the ones that typically initiate, making things a bit easier for him by initiating for him will show that you're open and he will more likely reciprocate.


But even when I initate and talk to guys, nothing happens. Am I doing something wrong?



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25 Jan 2015, 1:02 am

I find the issue more than a bit confusing. Personally, I fail to understand attraction based on appearance. I know that it's a factor for most people, but I am missing that component. I don't understand how people judge physical attractiveness; I can see that people look different, but they all seem aesthetically equal to me. I judge people solely on personality because it's the only way I can judge people.
I asked my roommate to judge your pictures and he rated you favorably. Me, I'd have to get to know somebody before dating would even cross my mind. Plus I'm pretty passive about that sort of thing. Friend? Ok. More than friend? Also, ok. For example: If you were to ask me out right now, I'd say that I don't know your personality well enough to commit to a relationship. But I'd be willing to get to know you through conversation. I'm always open to the possibility of new friends (since few work out). And if that eventually turns into something more, then I already know it's somebody I get along with.
I find it rare to come across anybody I'd consider worth the time, but I made my peace with that. I've seen too many people rush into relationships for the sake of being in a relationship. It never ends well. I suggest you learn to be comfortable with yourself. And if you need somebody to bend an ear, I try to check in on this site at least a couple times each week (feel free to pm)


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Klowglas
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25 Jan 2015, 1:21 am

goofygoobers wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
I don't believe that, you're not anywhere near ugly.

You might be mistaking shyness with disinterest. You should try initiating for them instead of waiting for their response. If you guys are youngish then the male most likely has to conquer a bit of fear because they're afraid of rejection, which is typical for nerds since the males are the ones that typically initiate, making things a bit easier for him by initiating for him will show that you're open and he will more likely reciprocate.


But even when I initate and talk to guys, nothing happens. Am I doing something wrong?


Yes it sounds like they might actually be intimidated by you, it happens to the nerdy types that haven't had much success or experience with girls and women through their teen years.

Though if you share common interests, you should be able to engage that until both of you are emboldened enough to try things out.

Good news: they will eventually get over it. Bad news: it might take some time. Be patient and develop a friendship with one of them and trust me, he will get over his fear.

But I wouldn't stress about not having a date, you can go on dates with plenty of terrible guys, it really means nothing. You want quality not quantity, you look pretty young and attractive, so it strikes me as bizarre that they would find no interest in you, which makes me assume that they're just intimidated.



goofygoobers
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25 Jan 2015, 1:31 am

Klowglas wrote:
goofygoobers wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
I don't believe that, you're not anywhere near ugly.

You might be mistaking shyness with disinterest. You should try initiating for them instead of waiting for their response. If you guys are youngish then the male most likely has to conquer a bit of fear because they're afraid of rejection, which is typical for nerds since the males are the ones that typically initiate, making things a bit easier for him by initiating for him will show that you're open and he will more likely reciprocate.


But even when I initate and talk to guys, nothing happens. Am I doing something wrong?


Yes it sounds like they might actually be intimidated by you, it happens to the nerdy types that haven't had much success or experience with girls and women through their teen years.

Though if you share common interests, you should be able to engage that until both of you are emboldened enough to try things out.

Good news: they will eventually get over it. Bad news: it might take some time. Be patient and develop a friendship with one of them and trust me, he will get over his fear.

But I wouldn't stress about not having a date, you can go on dates with plenty of terrible guys, it really means nothing. You want quality not quantity, you look pretty young and attractive, so it strikes me as bizarre that they would find no interest in you, which makes me assume that they're just intimidated.


Is that why they barely talk to ne even when I try to have a conversation? I feel like I'm being ignored on purpose.



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25 Jan 2015, 2:16 am

I can assure you that any difficulties you are having are not related to your appearance. It probably has more to do with who you're meeting, your personality/demeanor/social skills, how you're conveying romantic interest, how you're talking to the guys, etc. Without more information and without knowing you it's hard to nail down the root cause.

Have you tried online dating? I think that, if nothing else, it will give you some experience with the whole dating game and help you to find out what may be causing you problems. It has helped me in many ways. If you are having trouble with guys not approaching you, then you may have to take the lead a time or two to get things started.



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25 Jan 2015, 2:24 am

I'm not sure how helpful I can be, but I'll reply anyways. Could it be your demeanor and body language?

I was never aware of how poorly I came off to others until a couple of years ago when somebody that I was hanging out in a group with told me after only a couple hours of knowing me that I "seemed like the kind of person that would bring a gun into school". I was in disbelief that I could ever come off as some sort of barely hinged psychopath and thought he was just being an as*hole until the guy sitting next to him eagerly agreed. Ouch. I've always thought that I came off as shy but nice. Anyways, I always take a trip down memory lane to this incident whenever I ask myself why people don't talk to me, etc.



goofygoobers
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25 Jan 2015, 4:07 am

GreatAlli wrote:
I'm not sure how helpful I can be, but I'll reply anyways. Could it be your demeanor and body language?

I was never aware of how poorly I came off to others until a couple of years ago when somebody that I was hanging out in a group with told me after only a couple hours of knowing me that I "seemed like the kind of person that would bring a gun into school". I was in disbelief that I could ever come off as some sort of barely hinged psychopath and thought he was just being an as*hole until the guy sitting next to him eagerly agreed. Ouch. I've always thought that I came off as shy but nice. Anyways, I always take a trip down memory lane to this incident whenever I ask myself why people don't talk to me, etc.


Usually people just say I'm smart but hard on myself. I've never had someone describe me the way you were, but I had bullies in the past call me annoying, stupid, creepy, etc. If I'm smart like they say, then is my intelligence scaring guys away? I thought it was considered a good thing to be knowledgeable, especially since I'm in college.



Cafeaulait
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25 Jan 2015, 7:55 am

I don't think intelligence is a turn off or something that scares a guy away per se. No quality in itself is bad, but when a quality is brought forth a certain way then too much of that quality can turn people off.
So people called you annoying, stupid and creepy... any idea why they called you this? What behaviours did they base their judgements on?
It can be so many things, really. It could even be the plain old and simple 'just not having met the right person'. Really.



Cafeaulait
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25 Jan 2015, 7:58 am

By the way, I was never asked out until I was 20 years old. And I was a beautiful, sweet, kind girl that was just a bit nerdy and shy. So it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you at all.



goofygoobers
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25 Jan 2015, 10:12 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
I don't think intelligence is a turn off or something that scares a guy away per se. No quality in itself is bad, but when a quality is brought forth a certain way then too much of that quality can turn people off.
So people called you annoying, stupid and creepy... any idea why they called you this? What behaviours did they base their judgements on?
It can be so many things, really. It could even be the plain old and simple 'just not having met the right person'. Really.


It was because they were mean and making fun of my symptoms of Asperger's along with my physical appearance. They used to ask me stupid questions so I'd reply with a stupid answer and they'd make fun of me for it. They also tried to confuse me on purpose and knew that I had trouble with social skills even though I never told them I was an aspie. A lot of boys did that to me in middle school.



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25 Jan 2015, 10:24 am

goofygoobers wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
I don't think intelligence is a turn off or something that scares a guy away per se. No quality in itself is bad, but when a quality is brought forth a certain way then too much of that quality can turn people off.
So people called you annoying, stupid and creepy... any idea why they called you this? What behaviours did they base their judgements on?
It can be so many things, really. It could even be the plain old and simple 'just not having met the right person'. Really.


It was because they were mean and making fun of my symptoms of Asperger's along with my physical appearance. They used to ask me stupid questions so I'd reply with a stupid answer and they'd make fun of me for it. They also tried to confuse me on purpose and knew that I had trouble with social skills even though I never told them I was an aspie. A lot of boys did that to me in middle school.


I get that. It must have been a horrible experience. Those boys were absolute jerks. I was bullied too when I was younger. However, you've become older now, am I correct? You are not in an environment anymore where this happens to you regularly, right? Those guys were absolute douches. Many guys are not like that and some will even love your (aspie)quircks.



em_tsuj
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25 Jan 2015, 11:29 am

i have a feeling your non-verbal communication is off.

Specifically, you don't know when a guy is attracted to you, and you don't know how to communicate your interest in a guy using non-verbal communication. I had no idea if a girl was attracted to me until I was in my twenties. Somebody had to tell me what to look for. I think this is an AS thing. We do not naturally use the non-verbal language that NT's use. We have to study it like a dictionary. With practice and hard work we can use it but it never comes natural.

I don't know how old you are, but I am assuming you are in your late teens. It's just a matter of time before a guy works up the courage to approach you. In the mean time, study up on non-verbal communication.