Afraid of being alone forever?

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darkphantomx1
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27 Feb 2015, 9:38 am

if im 1000 years old and still single, that will suck. biological immortality sucks sometimes...



TheBraveSirRobin
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02 Mar 2015, 11:10 pm

At 20 years of age, I am afraid of this too, really. I can't seem to exist without some sort of love interest or partner or "friend that happens to be a girl wink wink nudge nudge" to interact with (I am a hetero male, btw). It's just one of those things that I wake up in the morning and tell myself that it's something that I need to do. I've never talked about this urge with anyone, ever, it's something that's been a part of my personality ever since I was in adolescence. I've always been that guy that just gets infatuated with his love interests and crushes, and I accredit that to the fact that my mother passed away when I was a child. I've read on the internet that your feelings towards romantic partners and relationships are based off of your relationship with your parent of opposite sex, so this urge makes sense in that my relationship with my mother was based off of distant admiration and endless longing. Anyways, The only girlfriend I've had was, embarrassingly enough, through an online relationship. A former WP member, as a matter of fact. We broke up about a month ago because of long-time problems that I hoped would fix themselves but of course they didn't (perhaps my optimism is an expression of my desperation and will lead me to fatal ignorance once again). I barely interact with the opposite sex in real life (mostly because I have no "outside-world" obligations besides attending a small technical college, which hardly has the kind of population or culture for socialization with other students to be very worthwhile), no girl has ever asked me out, and I have yet to even have a romantic kiss with a girl. Sometimes the only reason that I socialize is in the hopes that it might lead me to being in the position to find a girl I might like. I kind of wish I could rid myself of this urge, but at the same time I find having close relationships with people can be very enjoyable, it's just that I have a hard time finding a reason to interact with people outside of a social structure (and, in my book, a relationship is a social structure). Perhaps I just need to be more proactive about interacting with my friends, or maybe these two things are completely unrelated. Idk, but it almost feels wrong to do what I do (which really isn't as bad as I am making it out to be, fyi) for the sake of finding a GF. It seems unhealthy and irrational to be so fixated on this.

Ahem, sorry if this wall of text is bothersome or makes it look like I'm trying to hijack the thread but after a super awkward interaction with one of those "friends that happen to be girls", I've been thinking a lot about my life and how I feel about relationships. I'm conflicted because I really do want a relationship but I'm not sure if it makes sense for me to go out of my way to find one.

Btw, I'm trying to be as honest and non-objectifying/creepy/weirdly flirty as possible when I say that you are f*****g stunning goofygoober. 8O I would ask you to "befriend" me but honestly it seems that you've already got more than enough people asking you that. :)


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darkphantomx1
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03 Mar 2015, 9:49 am

At the rate i'm going, i'll probably be "forever alone" until im like 25. Then at that age I will magically get tired of never being able talk to women and will start talking to women. Of course one can not predict their own future. Who knows? 1 month from now, I could be dating Ariana Grande and Taylor Swift.



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08 Mar 2015, 4:19 pm

I’m not afraid. I probably should be, but I don’t feel it. Perhaps I’ve grown tired of worrying. The title question reminds me of another one: “Why are you afraid of death, Prince Prospero? Your soul died a long time ago.”


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Xelatoneffer
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09 Apr 2015, 2:36 pm

I feel the same way at 28. I didn't find anyone til I was 25 but it only lasted 1 month In person (she lived in Germany). She wasn't accepting of my aspergers or depression and said it was just an excuse. Afterwards I didn't feel anymore confident or optimistic. Then again almost a year ago with a girl I met at work but it only lasted 3 weeks. I made the mistake of telling her about my aspergers and depression. Dumped me the next day for BS reasons. I've joined an Aspie meetup group to put myself out there more but all the girls in the group are married. I think some people will never know that life or only get a couple short samples of that life.



The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Apr 2015, 3:00 pm

Xelatoneffer wrote:
I feel the same way at 28. I didn't find anyone til I was 25 but it only lasted 1 month In person (she lived in Germany). She wasn't accepting of my aspergers or depression and said it was just an excuse. Afterwards I didn't feel anymore confident or optimistic. Then again almost a year ago with a girl I met at work but it only lasted 3 weeks. I made the mistake of telling her about my aspergers and depression. Dumped me the next day for BS reasons. I've joined an Aspie meetup group to put myself out there more but all the girls in the group are married. I think some people will never know that life or only get a couple short samples of that life.


I've read once an article ages ago by a female aspie attends adult aspie meetups, and she said how noticeable how all the females there were in relationships while all males were not.

So I don't think the OP has to worry much, even WP is showing this trend too.



Gauldoth
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09 Apr 2015, 3:07 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Xelatoneffer wrote:
I feel the same way at 28. I didn't find anyone til I was 25 but it only lasted 1 month In person (she lived in Germany). She wasn't accepting of my aspergers or depression and said it was just an excuse. Afterwards I didn't feel anymore confident or optimistic. Then again almost a year ago with a girl I met at work but it only lasted 3 weeks. I made the mistake of telling her about my aspergers and depression. Dumped me the next day for BS reasons. I've joined an Aspie meetup group to put myself out there more but all the girls in the group are married. I think some people will never know that life or only get a couple short samples of that life.


I've read once an article ages ago by a female aspie attends adult aspie meetups, and she said how noticeable how all the females there were in relationships while all males were not.

So I don't think the OP has to worry much, even WP is showing this trend too.


Again, not surprising in the least. Aspergers doesn't really have any effect on females that makes them unattractive to males.



FrankiDelano
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10 Apr 2015, 11:31 am

I feel similar, I can start a few friendly conversations, but after awhile (specially with the opposite sex) no one seems to want to talk to me anymore. I get the feeling a lot of the time that people just get annoyed with me at a certain and attempt to break contact... Every time it happens is another shot that lowers my self-perception. It doesn't seem like I'm doing anything wrong or out of the ordinary from everyone else, but when I try to be "myself" I start to descend into a spiral of anxiety, and misunderstanding. I get angry a lot of the time (when I really shouldn't) when someone doesn't get back to me after awhile, it puts me in a place I don't want to be where I feel like I have to be the one who starts the conversation, or picks the topic. Honestly I'll sit there quietly like a dumb-ass, when I can't think of anything to say. I have never heard anyone call me things like "cute, smart etc." and a lot of the times that makes me feel like I'm an incredibly ugly person on the outside... You know it's like thinking "can we have some restitution at some point?" Yet it's always a "no" for people like us, we have to find what we want life, cause for some reason what we want will never finds us. I'm not afraid of being alone forever, I'm just scared cause I'm alone right now :cry:

BTW OP, thanks for posting this, it gave me chance to vent some opinions on this topic. Oh and you are no way unattractive (actually my first thought when seeing the pics you posted was "dayummmm sexy lady") I think if anyone tries to call you unattractive (or stupid or anything else insulting) you should punch them square in the stomach!


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Lazar_Kaganovich
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10 Apr 2015, 12:04 pm

Gauldoth wrote:
. Aspergers doesn't really have any effect on females that makes them unattractive to males.



But relationships are more than just attraction. Mutual attraction catalyzes their formation, but speaking from experience it's NOT enough to make it satisfying, enjoyable, or sustainable my friend.

Here's what I've observed ITF: Aspie men complaining about women not wanting to date them and Aspie women complaining about the way their bf's/husbands treat them.



Gauldoth
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10 Apr 2015, 1:13 pm

Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
Gauldoth wrote:
. Aspergers doesn't really have any effect on females that makes them unattractive to males.



But relationships are more than just attraction. Mutual attraction catalyzes their formation, but speaking from experience it's NOT enough to make it satisfying, enjoyable, or sustainable my friend.

Here's what I've observed ITF: Aspie men complaining about women not wanting to date them and Aspie women complaining about the way their bf's/husbands treat them.


You realize you've just proven my point in your post?



The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Apr 2015, 1:48 pm

I am not seeing a lot of Aspie women complaining about their bf/husbands here.

What I see way more, is NT women complaining about their AS-suspected bf/husbands here.



Cafeaulait
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10 Apr 2015, 4:45 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I am not seeing a lot of Aspie women complaining about their bf/husbands here.

What I see way more, is NT women complaining about their AS-suspected bf/husbands here.



I see a lot of both.



Ecomatt91
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10 Apr 2015, 6:07 pm

Hi all,

I have a same problem here too. Sometimes I feel afraid of being lonely for rest of my life. I am only 24. My social life has been improving in past three months because I moved to the city and to a large university. Everything is happening and being active made me to change my approach to life.

So, yes I still feel this because many women I met including new friends seems still having trouble understanding me. On other thread regarding to sexual harassment. I still belong in that false dichotomy category. It not about my looks. It more of my friendly and outgoing nature that makes women think I am attempting to sexual harassment. I believe many aspies in here have a same problem. This vibe of NT women seeing us is seem socially ruined by society and technology influences. For instance, television sexual shows, male childcare workers classified as child molesters and that etc.

The problem is not us. Its them! Many NT people have this problem because of their close mindness of things. Being alone for rest of your life is not going to happen. There is going to be someone coming on your door and say "You will be my sweetheart for the rest of my life". I can see this is going to happen, because he/she is not going to waste their lives being a stubborn NT like many others!



Lazar_Kaganovich
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10 Apr 2015, 8:13 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I am not seeing a lot of Aspie women complaining about their bf/husbands here.

What I see way more, is NT women complaining about their AS-suspected bf/husbands here.



I see a lot of both.



Same here.



Gauldoth
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10 Apr 2015, 9:11 pm

Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I am not seeing a lot of Aspie women complaining about their bf/husbands here.

What I see way more, is NT women complaining about their AS-suspected bf/husbands here.



I see a lot of both.



Same here.


Well then, maybe you should give this a read:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Folie_%C3%A0_deux



Ecomatt91
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11 Apr 2015, 12:58 am

Gauldoth wrote:
Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I am not seeing a lot of Aspie women complaining about their bf/husbands here.

What I see way more, is NT women complaining about their AS-suspected bf/husbands here.



I see a lot of both.



Same here.


Well then, maybe you should give this a read:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Folie_%C3%A0_deux


So who is delusional then?