went on a date with a high functioning sociopath

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cathylynn
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27 Jan 2015, 1:41 pm

it can get ugly fast if you disagree with them. my sociopath ex-fiance hit me and threatened to kill me.



The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Jan 2015, 4:31 pm

mel113 wrote:
This is going to be a short term f**kbuddy type deal. He's been very forward and blunt so far. Very few times that I know he lied, but its always a possibility that he will lie and manipulate ( but seriously.... I haven't met a guy who hasn't pulled that BS). I have no interest in falling for him or thinking I can "fix him" or any of that crap I'm just talking about having fun.


Are you that desperate for sex?



mel113
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27 Jan 2015, 7:00 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
mel113 wrote:
This is going to be a short term f**kbuddy type deal. He's been very forward and blunt so far. Very few times that I know he lied, but its always a possibility that he will lie and manipulate ( but seriously.... I haven't met a guy who hasn't pulled that BS). I have no interest in falling for him or thinking I can "fix him" or any of that crap I'm just talking about having fun.


Are you that desperate for sex?


I don't see it as desperation by satisfying my craving for touch with someone I can enjoy a conversation with without love. I'm very done with love for the moment. I'd just like someone whose company I can enjoy. I don't get that ("that" meaning someone to have a good conversation with) often.



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27 Jan 2015, 8:26 pm

[quote="mel113] I'd just like someone whose company I can enjoy. I don't get that ("that" meaning someone to have a good conversation with) often.[/quote]

I suppose you're aware that mirroring is their special skill? It's not real but a facade.


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30 Jan 2015, 6:10 am

mel113 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
mel113 wrote:
This is going to be a short term f**kbuddy type deal. He's been very forward and blunt so far. Very few times that I know he lied, but its always a possibility that he will lie and manipulate ( but seriously.... I haven't met a guy who hasn't pulled that BS). I have no interest in falling for him or thinking I can "fix him" or any of that crap I'm just talking about having fun.


Are you that desperate for sex?


I don't see it as desperation by satisfying my craving for touch with someone I can enjoy a conversation with without love. I'm very done with love for the moment. I'd just like someone whose company I can enjoy. I don't get that ("that" meaning someone to have a good conversation with) often.

As long as you're honest to yourself about it, who cares? Have fun. Just be honest with him, too. Don't pretend like you want to be anything serious if you don't.


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Lazar_Kaganovich
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30 Jan 2015, 1:14 pm

mel113 wrote:
And it went really well! But is there anything I should know if we go on many dates (other than the emotional disconnect, which I am OK with in a short term relationship)?

This is going to be a short term f**kbuddy type deal. He's been very forward and blunt so far. Very few times that I know he lied, but its always a possibility that he will lie and manipulate ( but seriously.... I haven't met a guy who hasn't pulled that BS). I have no interest in falling for him or thinking I can "fix him" or any of that crap I'm just talking about having fun.




Ahhhhhhhhhhhh......so you're a neurotypical woman who went on a date with a men who is a high functioning autist and he was very open about wanting to be FWB(friends with benefits) but you want more than that so you call him a "sociopath". Duly noted. If you're not ok with this then for cryin' out loud just tell him so directly and put an end to it. But if you're cool with it then roll with the punches.



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30 Jan 2015, 5:12 pm

If you're not gonna fall for him, then why date? Does a FWB have to involve dating?



KayteeKay
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31 Jan 2015, 8:53 pm

How do you know she's a sociopath? From ONE date?



The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Feb 2015, 4:17 am

KayteeKay wrote:
How do you know she's a sociopath? From ONE date?

The OP is she, her sociopath date is he.



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01 Feb 2015, 5:00 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
KayteeKay wrote:
How do you know she's a sociopath? From ONE date?

The OP is she, her sociopath date is he.


My bad. So how do you know HE was a sociopath from one single, solitary date??



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08 Feb 2015, 12:03 pm

Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
mel113 wrote:
And it went really well! But is there anything I should know if we go on many dates (other than the emotional disconnect, which I am OK with in a short term relationship)?

This is going to be a short term f**kbuddy type deal. He's been very forward and blunt so far. Very few times that I know he lied, but its always a possibility that he will lie and manipulate ( but seriously.... I haven't met a guy who hasn't pulled that BS). I have no interest in falling for him or thinking I can "fix him" or any of that crap I'm just talking about having fun.




Ahhhhhhhhhhhh......so you're a neurotypical woman who went on a date with a men who is a high functioning autist and he was very open about wanting to be FWB(friends with benefits) but you want more than that so you call him a "sociopath". Duly noted. If you're not ok with this then for cryin' out loud just tell him so directly and put an end to it. But if you're cool with it then roll with the punches.


No. I'M an HFA and I have created this post because he told me this. I'm trying to take everything he says with a huge grain of salt so I recognize the possibility that he could be lying (but something makes me think that-even if he were lying, it isn't a total lie). I don't want anything more....I just want to go hang out with someone I can talk to who isn't a complete moron. I don't want romance or love....you guys....im done with love for now...which is why I'm so OK with this situation. Everyone else i have talked to I can't connect to on an intellectual level (Call me stupid for my potential gullibility all you want...but if you don't understand what I'm referring to I'm not going to explain)and I'm tired of the shallow conversations with people who have a smaller vocabulary list than I do.



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Feb 2015, 12:44 pm

Maybe you're both Sociopaths.



Dantac
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08 Feb 2015, 12:45 pm

mel113 wrote:
This is going to be a short term f**kbuddy type deal. He's been very forward and blunt so far. Very few times that I know he lied, but its always a possibility that he will lie and manipulate ( but seriously.... I haven't met a guy who hasn't pulled that BS). I have no interest in falling for him or thinking I can "fix him" or any of that crap I'm just talking about having fun.


First you need to truly understand what you're getting yourself into and who you're dealing with. Sociopaths have a natural ability to manipulate others. If AS is a socializing dysfunction based on inability to 'read' others and 'perform' socially, sociopaths are the opposite. They have an uncanny ability to read people and they are chameleons/master actors when it comes to performing socially.

A normal guy that lies and manipulates just to get into your pants is very different. Sociopaths are on a completely different level. They get very personal and pull every string they find that makes you tick in ways that you don't see it happening and which in the end you end up his puppet. They are master manipulators and liars...and they commonly are very intelligent and well-spoken (excellent conversational abilities).

I say this to you Mel from personal experience. My closest friend tried to kill herself over a sociopath who abused her physically and emotionally for several years. He had her completely under his control just by sheer emotional manipulation. Neither I nor her other friends ever knew of this.. the guy was a great guy when you met him, polite, well spoken, etc. When she talked about him she always looked happy. She could not leave him because he would push every stressor and string he knew to pull her back in. It was by sheer luck that I was with her one day that he started texting and calling her to stress her (because she was hanging out with me) that she broke down in tears and told me everything that had happened the past few years with him. Took me and her other friends months to get her to dump him, months to get him to stop harrassing her and a year for her to recover emotionally enough to even consider going out or dating someone else.

They manipulate and eventually abuse slowly over time in ways you do not notice it. Its insidious and methodical and she was not the first nor the last girl he did this to.

I would strongly suggest you reconsider this guy. If you need a no-strings-attached sex friend to hang out with and have fun you have a vast pool of non-sociopaths to choose from. As it stands you're playing feed the white shark while you're in the water, outside of the shark cage, thinking you can pull your hand out of its mouth fast enough as you feed him a little sardine.



jwfess
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08 Feb 2015, 2:21 pm

mel113 wrote:
Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
mel113 wrote:
And it went really well! But is there anything I should know if we go on many dates (other than the emotional disconnect, which I am OK with in a short term relationship)?

This is going to be a short term f**kbuddy type deal. He's been very forward and blunt so far. Very few times that I know he lied, but its always a possibility that he will lie and manipulate ( but seriously.... I haven't met a guy who hasn't pulled that BS). I have no interest in falling for him or thinking I can "fix him" or any of that crap I'm just talking about having fun.




Ahhhhhhhhhhhh......so you're a neurotypical woman who went on a date with a men who is a high functioning autist and he was very open about wanting to be FWB(friends with benefits) but you want more than that so you call him a "sociopath". Duly noted. If you're not ok with this then for cryin' out loud just tell him so directly and put an end to it. But if you're cool with it then roll with the punches.


No. I'M an HFA and I have created this post because he told me this. I'm trying to take everything he says with a huge grain of salt so I recognize the possibility that he could be lying (but something makes me think that-even if he were lying, it isn't a total lie). I don't want anything more....I just want to go hang out with someone I can talk to who isn't a complete moron. I don't want romance or love....you guys....im done with love for now...which is why I'm so OK with this situation. Everyone else i have talked to I can't connect to on an intellectual level (Call me stupid for my potential gullibility all you want...but if you don't understand what I'm referring to I'm not going to explain)and I'm tired of the shallow conversations with people who have a smaller vocabulary list than I do.


It sounds like you've already made up your mind, regardless of what others have posted, so I'm not sure what the point of this thread is.



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08 Feb 2015, 2:32 pm

mel113 wrote:
No. I'M an HFA and I have created this post because he told me this. I'm trying to take everything he says with a huge grain of salt so I recognize the possibility that he could be lying (but something makes me think that-even if he were lying, it isn't a total lie).

If you are considering that he might be telling the truth that's likely to be a warning sign to end the relationship now. An odd trait of sociopaths is that they can lie for no reason at all. Almost out of habit.

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I don't want anything more....I just want to go hang out with someone I can talk to who isn't a complete moron. I don't want romance or love....you guys....im done with love for now...which is why I'm so OK with this situation.

Do you know what he wants? The only "defence" an AS person is likely to have against sociopaths is that their "strings" may be different enough from those of NTs that it will take more time for the sociopath to "pull" them.

Quote:
Everyone else i have talked to I can't connect to on an intellectual level (Call me stupid for my potential gullibility all you want...but if you don't understand what I'm referring to I'm not going to explain)and I'm tired of the shallow conversations with people who have a smaller vocabulary list than I do.

If you don't know anyone else on your "intellectual level" how can tell the difference between someone who actually is and someone who's fooling you? If he appears to have no flaws in that respect then that's a possible warning sign too...



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08 Feb 2015, 2:42 pm

Dantac wrote:
I would strongly suggest you reconsider this guy. If you need a no-strings-attached sex friend to hang out with and have fun you have a vast pool of non-sociopaths to choose from. As it stands you're playing feed the white shark while you're in the water, outside of the shark cage, thinking you can pull your hand out of its mouth fast enough as you feed him a little sardine.

The phrase "Tickling the Dragons Tail" is another analogy which comes to mind.