When people tell you what you've said and they're wrong.

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Ever had a discussion and you say something and then the person starts a big argument and gets what you said wrong and the whole premise of their argument is on something you never said or wrote?

For example, lets say you said that you don't like the song "Coward of the County" by Kenny Rogers and the person starts having an argument about how you don't like Kenny Rogers or how you don't like country music.

Or you say that you don't like pizza and they call you racist for not liking Italians!

This to me, is crazy making. They are not even listening to you or hearing you! And even after you clarify, they still say, "Well, not all country music is depressing you know!".

That's how conversations go sometimes in life, especially when it comes to very complicated topics. That's why it takes time for people to converse back and forth so they can really understand what the other is saying. It can be especially difficult in writing.

The ole' straw man fallacy is probably one of the most used tactics in any internet debate. It is what it is.

Happens all of the time.
Actually it happened to me alot more often when I was a teen (especially when talking to grownups), but still happens now and then. Folks put things between the lines of what you said that arent there. And then beat on you for what you didnt say.

Or not even get belligerent. They may wink at you for putting something between the lines that you didnt put between the lines. That can be even more annoying.

See the first link in my signature.

I cop this all the time, and have done since my earliest memories. The trouble is (i think) people expect hidden agendas and look for them by reading "between the lines" I constantly remind my extraordinarily empathetic partner (whom by the wasy I have diagnosed with my own invented disorder Excess Empathy Disorder EED) that she is looking for stuff that is not there and she needs to realise that with me there are NO in between the lines. I presume this is due to the black and white nature of our particular disorder.

Happens all the time with arguments I have here on WP.

Human language is an art of metaphor and never a science, alone.

In fact, all of human language is metaphor, of course, as two people do not necessarily even see colors as being the same.

To clarify and validate communication is AN ABSOLUTE REQUIREMENT for TRULY EFFECTIVE reciprocal communication among any two human beings.

No need to get bent of shape, just clarify and or validate SOCIAL RECIPROCAL COMMUNICATION PER VERBAL AND NON-VERBAL LANGUAGE, as necessary.

But sure, easier said than done for folks who 'suffer' from a reciprocal social communication disorder, so the nature of the BEAST LIVES ON, for sure here.

Without appropriate reciprocation of human language, it is impossible to have effective reciprocal social communication.

But almost anyone can cognitively practice it to eventually get it at least semi-correct.

But it takes time, COGNITIVE effort, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, and MOREOVER PATIENCE TO get the job of reciprocal social communication both effectively AND AFFECTIVELY DONE CORRECT.

YES, this CAN BE A job of JOB.

You know what, when people do this s**t to me, I do not wish to have that discussion with them unless they have good reading skills because I refuse to argue about something I never even said. I don't mind correcting them telling them I didn't say that but if they still insist I did, forget it.

It happens to me sometimes and if it develops into an argument (especially if there are witnesses) I pull no punches to make the other person appear as stupid as possible.

We'll take your 'Coward Of The County' example.

Me: "Stop putting words in my mouth. Can't you read/are you deaf? I don't mind Kenny Rogers/Country music, it's just that one song I cannot stand, so stop making a big deal out of absolutely nothing and go back and re-read my post/revisit my initial answer, thanks".

It's easier in writing because you have proof and you can quote yourself straight away.

That usually shuts them up and ensures they never speak to you again - how I like it.

Thanks for your replies everyone. But I did think aghogday's post was a little patronizing with all the capitalizing of words. I wasn't talking about basic clarification, I was talking about someone putting words in your mouth even after you've clarified yourself several times. It isn't always about you being a better communicator who must try, try again; if someone consistently refuses to hear you, I say stop talking to them; stop the contact because they obviously do not want to hear you. Unless they have a very poor command of the english language (or whatever language you are communicating in), there is no excuse for this behaviour, where they consistently get you wrong and put words in your mouth. It is draining.

Using CAPS is a common literary device used in modern Internet language.

It is only USED to highlight words of importance in communication and to generate human emotion for attention, in our modern Twitter world where science now shows the average human being has the literal attention span of a GOLD FISH.

NO it is not not shouting, and it IS out of the box thinking, AND communicating too.

I cured my most difficult aspects of Autism in reciprocal social communication, as all my doctors agree, by THINKING OUT OF THE BOX, by connecting language and emotion through free verse poetry, and increasing my physical intelligence to regulate my emotions, greater integrating my senses per sensory integration, and increasing both my short term memory and cognitive executive functioning, AND increasing my non-verbal intelligence in communication, as science now shows that physical intelligence freely learned and expressed as an art increases all these human intelligences, and in my case, as medically documented INCREASING PHYSICAL INTELLIGENCE HAS remediated, per the modern MEDICAL definition of cure, my most FUNCTIONALLY disabling aspects of Autism.

AND I continue to be successful at more things by thinking that way, Per OUT OF THE BOX.

To not provide a potential solution to the problem at hand, is simply social chatter to me, as a social bonding mechanism per the shared problem at hand.

To be clear that's OK but it is NOT going to solve any problems.

Autism is a serious deficit of reciprocal social communication and to suggest it is always the other guy or gal's fault is not going to get anyone anywhere in potential successful reciprocal social communication.

TO determine what the problem is and how to fix it, is at least a potential improvement in the success of reciprocal social communication that is integral to all success in life for any social animal.

And doing the relatively simple act of clarifying and validating reciprocal social communication is SURELY AT LEAST A potential step forward to MAKE this happen.

And that's just a scientific fact that has existed for as long as humans have been using reason to get jobs done in a socially cooperative way.

And to be clear modern Internet language DOES NOT mean traditional Internet language where OBVIOUSLY CAPS are recognized as shouting.

To learn NEW things is cool in my opinion.

And there is nothing better than CREATING a new way of doing stuff, no matter how much it annoys those who wish to stick in the mud of the past.

And this is in response to Natural Plastic in the post he just deleted, to be crystal clear.

And hell NO NATURAL Plastic, it's not a speech impediment and I never said it was. Quote that, if you like, or it didn't happen.

Get the story straight, please, or I will as always.

The irony here CAN be delicious at times.

And yes, I realize that you accidentally attributed my quote to the other guy but I was gonna fix that for you for free, like I did the last time.

There are at least 7 levels of communication. Number 4 is to transmit (talk) in data (language) that is known in the transmitted form (word and grammar) by the intended receiver and able to be easily reformed without error. Receiver sends acknowledgement back or message is re-sent.... in other words, simple normal English written or spoken grammatically correct works well with most Aspies I know. If they are spoken erroneous rubbish to then most will not understand or even reply.

aghogday, you seem to be trolling me and that is agains the rules of this forum. Your two posts, written back to back with all the capitalizing of words (which does look like shouting), is not appreciated. I am letting you know again that your posts with capitalizations bother me. It is like the word is shouting out at me. I am telling you to please not write that way to me, so please respect my wishes.

Thanks inventorDave, I do prefer straight forward language.

To be crystal clear, NO, I am not trolling you.

And you are the first one to ever accuse me of that here.

I am simply responding to the OP and you may ignore me if you like.

In fact, there is an ignore button that you may use, if you wish to totally forget that I exist on this forum.

And as I clearly stated my second response was directed toward Natural Plastic who deleted his comment and this is not relevant to your direct concerns as I was not directing my communication toward you.

This is what I mean about clarification and validation of communication.

I clarified my communication in a very precise way, and you ARE STILL taking it entirely out of context.

And I am the one who does not appreciate that you are the one that is accusing me of trolling, when there is absolutely no evidence of that neither in my first post or the precise clarification and validation in the next two posts, per the frigging topic of the OP.

And when anyone presents a FALSE accusation against me I WILL defend it successfully each and every time, as I have here for the last 4 years in almost 7K posts.

I was simply trying to offer the same advice that professionals offer to Autistic folks out in fields of therapy; no problem if you do not appreciate it but if you bite me I will bite back with facts.