Asperger's dating statistics

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I have had therapists and friends tell me that it would be better for me to compare myself to other Aspies, rather than NTs, which makes sense. However statistics about Aspies are hard to find. Has anyone seen or know of dating statistics for Asperger's, like how many girlfriends/boyfriends or sex partners they have in a lifetime, the age they first date or have sex at? Things and milestones like that. I haven't had any luck finding stuff like that through google searches.

I don't know where you can find statistics but by the nature Asperger Syndrome, it would be less than that of NT's simply because it makes that more difficult.

Reliance on statistics frequently leads to self-fulfilling prophecies.

If it is said, for example, that there's a 80% unemployment rate amongst people with ASDs. A Spectrumite who reads and relies on statistics will feel like he/she will never be able to obtain a job. Frequently, one doesn't look at the 20% who do obtain a job.

I don't believe the statistics are accurate, any way. Just look at WrongPlanet. Many people have jobs--and there's a wide range of jobs being performed by

Same with dating statistics. You are an individual Spectrumite, not a collective entity.

What is the reason for comparing yourself to anyone regarding those sorts of statistics? What does finding out if you are "doing better" or "doing worse" than your peers achieve?

I'm genuinely curious.

-Go to PubMed
-search for "Autism Outcome" (might throw in "relationships" in it too)
-read papers that are up (some a free to view, others need a password)
-(searching autism outcome relationships in Gooogle will probably yield results too)

I wouldn't use forum anecdotes, as you have no verifiable data to go on.

From memory, most high functioning folk don't marry or experience a serious relationship, and most have few or no friends.

yellowtamarin,

It can perhaps give someone a more accurate picture if they compare themselves to those like themselves; realistic expectations and all that based on real limitations of a social disorder.

It is probably correct that the average age of first girlfriend is at a higher age for people with Aspergers. 3/4ths of people with Aspergers were not in a relationship in high school. That is probably not too far off. I would guess around 75-85% were not in relationships up to this point.

A higher percentage of people with Aspergers are in their mid 20s and have never had a girlfriend compared to the neurotypical population. Probably correct as well. We're also probably more likely to have never kissed a girl, be a virgin, or gone on a date. Pretty harsh. I don't know the exact statistics but yes its probably higher than a neurotypical.

But you're not a statistic. You can break out of the norm and have five girlfriends by the time you're 17. Now that would be quite a feat for someone with Aspergers.

I am 31 years past 17 so not going to have the 5 girlfriends by that age. Actually I didn't have 5 girlfriends before I got married. More like 2 or maybe 3. Didn't have my first real relationship until I was 29. Had a couple of one-night stands that turned into several night stands before that. It is really tough to see everyone doing something that you can't do. I don't completely understand even now why I wasn't as good dating as most other people were. It would be easy to say "well I was waiting for the right one" but that wouldn't be the truth.

Yeah, but statistics help a lot. If 80% of Aspies couldn't get a date (just making up numbers here) that would mean that only 2 out of 10 had a good chance at it.

Which, even with other statistics, you can go by them as long as they're from a trusted source.

Well....2 out of 10, according to the "statistics" are successful--so it's not a forgone conclusion that you will not be successful.

Statistics are nonsensical, anyway, especially away from the "pure" sciences. They have an essential place in the "pure" sciences.

I don't think they have a place as a sole "authority" in the social sciences.

Or it could also be the case that Aspies like me who are employed are overlooked and not formally diagnosed because as one idiot psychiatrist told me "stable employment precludes an Aspergers diagnosis." In other words if you only count the un/severely underemployed as "Aspies" they the stats are going to be heavily slanted. That's not counting the fact the stats are not set in stone. For example, I can improve that alleged 20% greatly just by dressing up for dates or learning how to have a two way conversation. The better I get the more quality dates I have been getting.

I do have to say it was very reassuring to hear my fellow Aspies tell similar tales of being unsuccessful in their 20s. Shows me there is nothing wrong with me and I am just a late bloomer, nothing more.

That's right, stats are not "set in stone."

That was one "idiot" psychologist!

A neurotypical who is 20 years old and has never been in a relationship is seen as a late bloomer.

An Aspie who is 20 years old and has never been in a relationship is seen as common.

I'm not going to lie, most people with Aspergers are probably late bloomers in the dating world. High School just isn't a good time for us. We're socially awkward and all the girls in high school either want the hot preppy dudes or the jocks. For those of us who do land a girlfriend in high school, congratulations you have done what the majority cannot do. One giant leap for aspie kind.

As you get older, either the right girl comes along who appreciates that you have a fascination with cockroaches or you just say "screw it i'm going to go talk to women no matter the outcome"

Statistics are only about the diagnosed aspies.

While here on WP, the majority of self-diagnosed/self-thought aspies are definitely not real autistic cases.

The ~1:1 gender ratio on WP is another proof of the wrongful self-diagnoses - because ALL autism types have a higher % of males, even the lowest functioning cases whom the girls wouldn't "pass under the radar" because their autism would be so obvious.

I was diagnosed with autism when I was about 3 years of age. I was DEFINITELY autistic. I screamed all the time--all night long, sometimes. I had no speech. I had no awareness of my surroundings. I was almost institutionalized. One doctor said that I would be a "vegetable" for the rest of my life. I'm not saying this to get martyr points--I'm saying this because it's the truth.

Somehow, something came to me when I was about 5 1/2 years old. I began to notice things. I began to relate to people. I began to talk.

I'm not diagnosed with Asperger's--but I fill the bill pretty well, in my opinion. I'm similar to that child in "Elijah's Cup." Also Temple Grandin. Both were "classically autistic" when very young, but "Aspergian" later on.

I've been working at my job for 34 years. I'm a "court jester." People have accepted me after a while.

Autism is a spectrum. Functioning varies widely.

One cannot judge whether or not one's autistic based upon one's internet presentation.

I say: give people the benefit of the doubt. It's not a glamorous thing to be autistic or Aspergian. It's not shameful, either--but it's not the "in" thing, by any means.

Several places including National Autistic Society say (and this is based on people with a diagnosis who are employment capable):
* 85% of people with ASD don't have full-time employment. This implies that there are part-time employed people among the 85%.
* 94% of people with ASD never have a partner/spouse.

Given that only 15% of autistic people are supposed to have a full-time job, it's no wonder why only 6% are supposed to have a relationship. If you don't have a job, chances of getting a relationship are much less. Reason being, the unemployed have less opportunity to meet people every day and most girls don't like males who are unemployed. Having a part-time job improves your success rate but many people still don't find part-time male workers impressive.

I have observed higher success rate with foreign girls who don't speak much English. Why? I have met hundreds of English girls and got nowhere. I have met about 10 girls during the last decade from countries like Bulgaria, China, Japan, Malaysia and been friends with them much more naturally. Unfortunately, unless you live in London, there's no opportunity to meet foreign women.

Having AS makes you a foreigner to the NT people around you. In the 1800s/1900s, you didn't get a job or a woman if you were a black man in America. I bet most people with AS have better experiences relating to foreign people who don't speak great English?

Plenty of black men got jobs and women during the 19th and up to the late 20th century.

Discrimination was rampant--and the jobs were frequently of lower quality than their qualifications, or as compared with white people. People with Master's degrees working as Pullman porters, for example.

Most black men had no trouble becoming established with a woman. Like all relationships, though, some were rocky for various reasons: economic and moral reasons being paramount.

If you look at the WrongPlanet membership, you won't see that 85%-15% ratio in favor of no full-time job. Alas, one's autistic "status" is not presented to the public any more--that would be even more of a basis for disproving the thesis that 85% of employable people with ASD have no full-time job.

Then again: why rely on statistics? Rely upon your unique skill-set.