Asperger's dating statistics

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I don't know, it might work once in a great while that an Aspie special interest in socializing or dating is successful, but most of the time it is an uncomfortable failure. Asperger's is an inborn difficulty with other people. Putting focus into attempting to override an inborn tendency is not going to work, you're just fighting yourself. That would be like having brown hair, dying it blue obsessively, and expecting it to grow blue naturally. You need to be working with your nature, not against it.

One problem is that a lot of the special interests that Aspies have nowadays do not get them out and about and meeting people. Every Aspie is certain to have special interests that they like reading about, and there is nothing wrong with that at all, but what really will do a lot of good is if you pick up an activity that you can put all that focus into and get really good at. For instance - I absolutely love reading about UFOs, I know so much about them, but I don't expect some girl to just waltz into my room and be able to hold down hour upon hour of conversation about them with me. I also love getting outside and photographing nature - and that has slowly become my outlet for making a name for myself, meeting others and making friends. I know if I am ever going to meet my real match, it will be through that.

Aspies need to listen to the "You should just stop looking and the girl for you will come along" way more than anyone else, actually. Never make yourself desperate for someone else, especially if it involves taking energy away from something you are gifted at (your solitary interest) and putting it into something you have serious difficulties with (relationships). So, Aspies need to pursue their interest and then if someone joins them along the way, that will be how the relationship is formed, through the shared interest. The role that having shared interests plays in a relationship can not be underestimated - unless all you want to do with someone is have sex with them, you're going to need activities that you both love to do and things that you love to talk about, in depth.

I say all of this from experience. My ex-girlfriend, deep down inside, had different interests from me and wanted different things in life. As soon as this fully hit me, I broke up with her. Time should never be wasted.

(I know how much I'm talking in the second person, but it is not to anyone in particular)

yep cause sitting alone in your house all the time is going to cause some woman to fall into your lap. nop for those like me if you aren't out there trying to find a gf you won't find one.

that advice only works for social people, who go out and socialize a lot. who at activities will actively go talk to others, not anti social lacking social sit at home people. if it wasn't' for dating sites, women wouldn't' even know I exist

You didn't understand my post at all. My advice is strictly for people with AS. You're not social, OK, so you need to compensate your social shortcomings with some kind of ability or talent. I've always considered this as something that comes from AS but if that is such a foreign concept to you and anyone else on here, then maybe it either comes from something else, or you're not necessarily AS.

I said to get out there and do something you enjoy and are good at and people will notice you through that - not get out there with the goal of "finding a girlfriend". Again, using my example of me being a photographer - people understand me 1000x better when they find out that is what I put my energy into. It's the same thing when I do 4-digit multiplication in my head (not incessantly, only when necessary) I don't have to explain anything, they start to adjust their expectations to fit me, and that is when I start to feel comfortable opening up and being more personal with them. It's like a proud but subtle deceleration of AS - saying that I don't need to be pitied for my potentially embarrassing mental state, because I have something to show for it. Obviously people with AS give off that intense aloofness and when someone notices that and starts wondering where your mind is, and they find out that it is being funneled into something with tangible and impressive results, they'll like that and at the very least admire you.

I'm sorry but this whole "finding a girlfriend" thing is only how the most clueless of guys talk. You're embarrassing yourself. You're talking like women are some frontier and not actual people with their own individuality and existences. That attitude is all kinds of bad and way more a cause than the result of your loneliness.

so first aspergers is a spectrum, so just cause I'm not like you doesn't mean I'm not an aspie. we are all different some are similar to each other while different to others. but we are all aspies.

finding a gf is commonly used phrase. similar to finding a mate, or finding a romantic partner. has nothign to do with not caring about personality quite the opposite as finding a gf often requires looking for personality , common interest, etc. its not like the I just want to find some hot body to do it with. which would be only caring about the looks, sex or status of a gf.

reality is what is it called when one has a romantic female partner? a gf. so what do you call it when you are desiring and seeking one?
not all aspies have some great talent they are good at that can help them socialize and get to know people
a lot of us are just average. sounds like you've bought into that aspies have some talent and they need to use that to overcompensate for their other lackings. but this isn't true for all aspies. so useless for us who lack said talent.

be glad you do.

as for the rest of us. we struggle and find other ways often online dating.
never had anyone pity me. though I don't tell people I have aspergers. they probably just think I'm a bit odd. but most time find me funny so probably don't notice. while I do try to be funny sometimes, its not me trying but merely saying or doing something that I think is normal, but others for some reason find cute or funny.
like apparently me having two pairs of the same boot as my only shoes made this girl laugh. o.O i assume its because most nts have many different pairs of shoes for any possible situation. while I prefer a all around shoe that fits most situations.

although this does not literally happen, it feels like for women they can sit alone in their house and a man just comes to their door, mainly because women can solely rely on online dating alone as a way to meet men, mainly because I feel online dating is easier for women because men have to put forth more effort into their online dating profile description and have certain type of pics, if a guy takes selfie pics, it comes across as insecure, pathetic to women, if a woman takes a selfie, its okay.

RetroGamer87,

It sounds like you find nothing attractive about this girl. That is ok, we all have different tastes and such. I have been in situations similar to you and would advise you to move on. I think many Aspies see every relationship as their "last chance." I know I did-it is either this woman or be alone the rest of my life. Fortunately it usually doesn't come down to those 2 options.

I don't think you will be happy with this girl. I don't think anyone can be happy being in a relationship with someone they aren't attracted to. I had a couple of short term flings back in my early 20s and in retrospect I now realize I got out of them fairly quickly because I wasn't attracted to them and really didn't enjoy spending a lot of time with them. The sex with one of them was good but that was about it. The rest of the time I really didn't enjoy being around her very much.

We deserve to be happy! Getting into a relationship with someone who you don't find attractive kind of guarantees that you won't. Plus, you want to be available when the right one comes along. It is also unfair to the girl, let her find someone who does find her attractive so they can be happy together.

i kissed a girl three times. Another one once. So your stats are way off.

whenever you hear of a person who is still a virgin, never had a relationship at 25+ years of age, its almost always guys you hear of instead of girls

That's because the only girls who remain virgins until they're 25+ are the ones who actively CHOOSE to.

ya, since women are typically on the receiving end.