Asperger's dating statistics

Post Reply New Topic

I think some sort of maturation process might take place. For some reason Asperger's just delays that. We finally get to the point that most people get to when they are 18-20. For me it happened around age 28. Maybe I will stay looking 10 years less than my true age, that would be nice!

Sometimes I worry and stress I won't get my first girlfriend until my 30's, I'm 27 now, I don't care if people say you have plenty of time, there's no rush, I've waited impatiently blong enough, even though guys have full societal approval to not be waiting since we are expected to be the assertive ones, the times I have been assertive I had no luck so in a way I am still sort of waiting until a woman finally says Yes

Yeah. I went through a maturation process. I was happy and immature and 25. Then I realised I was immature. Two years of depression and self-loathing. After two years I was a bit more mature.

I know I shouldn't compare myself to other people but after two years I can't help myself. I'm now sitting on the train, eavesdropping on a 21 year old boasting about his travels and accomplishments. 21, he rents his own house, last year he lived in Dampier for six months. Soon he's going to Spain.

I moved out of home when I was 25. If I live to be a hundred I don't think I could just pack up and live in a small, isolated town like that.

^^ maybe I'm still not so mature if I envy people like that. Today I spoke to a young man who said he was going through depression and self-loathing but the things he was embarrassed about were things I thought weren't even that bad. There's a lesson for me. When I feel terrible because I assume people are judging me over something, they might not even think that thing is a big deal.

It became my special interest. Seriously. I had a LOT to learn and stumbled a lot (and learned how much of a late bloomer I was) but it looked like I finally succeeded. I also realized that love isn't logical and that it's almost magical how once I raised my own self-worth my prospects got better and better. Just like running, what seemed impossible a few years ago is now laughably easy.

What was the best thing you learned?

It's hard to focus on one thing but if I had to pick one, it's to never settle for anyone especially when your instincts tell you to watch out. It's important to keep an open mind but NEVER ignore your instincts! Any decision that based on fear (like of being alone, unloved, etc) is also likely to lead to a negative outcome and will only attract women who will make your life a living hell. I should know and that's why I continued to post in your threads as you are walking the same dangerous path.

I should point out at the same time not only did my GF NOT meet my age requirements (she was a "flex" match on eHarmony) I actually didn't respond at first because I saw no common interests. How wrong I was!

the longest I've gone without masturbating is 10 days, I want to see if I can go over 2-weeks.

You make a good point. If I let her come back to me, I would be motivated by fear of being alone. If I stayed away, stopped responding to her texts and cut her out of my life for good, that would also be motivated by fear that I'm choosing the wrong girl. After all the problem with being with a girl is that you eliminate all other girls as potential relationships while you're with her.What type of common interest wouldn't have been listed on her profile?

Exactly! This is the one thing that few people seem to forget about relationships: saying yes to one also means saying no to others. That's why it's important not to rush into it.


Basically, our life goals are compatible. She wants a family and marriage, comes from a similar family background and referencing my suspicion about her being Aspie, has a eerie similarity to me in her childhood mementos. She respects the traditional male desire to lead and protect that fits into my personality. Best of all, I don't need to post here on WP anymore because I know she 'gets' me. She also had similar views on finances, work, life and children and doesn't drink or smoke/do drugs. Doesn't hurt she is stunningly beautiful! What I find amazing is that I threw the checklist/expectations in the garbage and everything seems to magically fall into place.

Best of all is that even though is it obvious she hates hockey and doesn't understand it, she went to three hockey games with me and never complained once just because she wanted to share my interests and passions and spend time with me. THAT is a sign of a keeper! Ultimately, who cares whether she is into hockey or I am not into sewing? We are two different people.

It's only been a few months but I already have the ring picked out Like a good lawyer, I already know the answer to the question I will ask in the coming month or so.

P.S. If you are curious as to what sealed the deal, during the fourth date it was a raging blizzard out the same day we had a massive rainstorm and flash freeze. In other words, the roads and sidewalks were downright dangerous to navigate. I instinctively grabbed her and held her while she navigated the icy streets and after kissing her goodnight asked her to call me so I know she got home safe. No need to be anyone other than who I was naturally!

That's what I think every time I date a girl but no girl can be perfect. It would be hard for me to say if a girl is good enough or if I should try for a better one.

Did your special interest have something to do with you turning 30?

GiantHockeyFan

Congrats on finding the person of your dreams! Your experience sounds very similar to mine in terms of my me and my now wife, right down to the timing of "popping the question." We were engaged about 3 1/2 months after our first date. My wife is even into sewing like your girlfriend, although I am not as much of a hockey fan as you are-but have been to quite a few games. One of my past girlfriends was really into hockey, though.

In addition, I realized early on that I could completely be myself around her. We share many things in common, came from similar backgrounds, and both wanted to be married-much like your story. If you look at the research, those are the things that usually make a relationship work.

Like you I made pretty sure I knew what she was going to say before I asked. The last thing I wanted was to be back returning the ring with the explanation "she said no", and the embarrassment I would have felt.

Probably the biggest thing that I learned around age 28 or so that really changed things was that I was ok as a person. I guess I came to believe that another person could find me attractive and interesting, but also that I had to act like I felt that way. No arrogant or cocky, but self-confident in a good way. I am still having to finish learning that, though. I don't feel it 100% of the time.

You discovered 20 years ago what many people never discover.

Sometimes, the past is like a beautiful lotus garden which has acquired more beauty through accumulation of fertile soil.

Other times, it's like a library book with sharded pages and that moldy smell.

What exactly was that?

Your worthiness as a human being, despite your "awkwardness"--despite your supposed "lack of social skills."

People in their late twenties, in general, realize the futility of trying to fit into the societal mold.

My response, really, is a confirmation of your insight.

I certainly agree with you on one part. You really do have to put effort into it. I've heard so many people on WP, on other sites and in meatspace, I've heard so many people say "You should just stop looking and the girl for you will come along". Nonsense! I've spent long periods of time not looking and nothing happened. It's like all other areas in life, you won't get anything out of it if you put zero effort in.

And also I don't like it when people shame guys who use online dating. I think for those who aren't Casanova, online dating can be a practical way to get a date and after you've began dating, the rest of the business is still conducted in much the same way anyway.