What is adultery?

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Say I'm hanging out with a married guy friend and his wife or kid isn't around. Does that look bad to his wife? What if I'm also friends with the wife? Assume I have no romantic feelings for the guy and only consider him a friend.

My mother says that a single person hanging out with a married friend looks like a homewrecker. Is this true? A counselor once said that adultery was only about sex. Who is right, my mother or that counselor?

http://money.cnn.com/2015/01/29/technol ... index.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tom-docto ... 24380.html

They might both be right--depends on how society views your relationship--which varies depending on where to you live.

In a panel called "Coming Out," poly advocate Terisa Greenan led an animated discussion about the obstacles that keep people from telling others. Some polys hide their relationship from friends and family, fearing they could lose their homes or children. For many, religion was a common source of grief.
http://www.cnn.com/2013/10/26/living/re ... polyamory/

I'm not talking about polyamory, I'm asking if I look like a homewrecker if I hang out with a married guy AS A FRIEND.

You may look like a 'homewrecker' to some people who have suspicious minds and don't believe that men and women can just be friends. You won't look like one to normal people though. I would only worry about what the guy, his wife and any spouse or boyfriend of yours thinks. Who cares what somebody else thinks? You and he and the significant others involved know whats going on and thats all that matters.

However, adultery is about sex and if you have sex or certain sexual contact (some things are a grey area to some people) then it's adultery if one of the people involved is married. If you have no sexual contact at all, then it's not adultery. Whether there is or isn't any contact, people can still think you are doing things you aren't and start rumors, etc.

So since you have nothing romantic or sexual going on with the guy, it sounds like it doesn't matter what adultery actually is and isn't to you, it sounds like what matters to you is whether people think you are committing adultery or not. And some people with suspicious minds will think that.

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You have sex, kiss someone, that isn't your wife. Yes thats adultery.

You're not committing adultery if there is no sexual contact.

It's possible that the guy's wife might be jealous--but if you're open about it, and don't seem to be hiding anything, I don't see anything wrong with being friends with the guy (provided you have no "more than friends" desire for the guy).

Friends do that all the time!

It's not adultery.

I used to be around a lot of married men - the homes I lived in often had male staff - and it was really no different than hanging out with my own brother. I always thought that men and women can be "just friends" but to hear guys talk about the only reason a guy wants to be just friends is either because she's ugly or he's gay.

I have a slightly broader definition of adultery. If a married person is having a relationship with someone of the opposite sex that has a strong degree of emotional intimacy and it becomes a problem to or a distraction from the primary marital relationship - that's bordering on adultery. It does not matter if there is no sexual contact.

My husband had an emotional affair with another woman. He thinks he did nothing wrong because he never had sex with her (which I believe) - he is one of those Aspies that has a real problem with lying - like an internal mismatch. But actually their relationship meant that he was unavailable to me - he spent hours online with her, ignoring me. He spent a lot of time with her IRL too including spending the night at her place when I was away. It was painfully obvious that his relationship with her was damaging our relationship, but whenever I mentioned it he became defensive and lashed out at me. In my opinion, the only reason he didn't have sex with her is he's sexually dysfunctional and he has a rigid moral compass - more focused on rules than on the impact on other people.

If a friendship is damaging the integrity of the marital relationship - it's skating pretty close to adultery.

OP I believe you also have these rigid moral rules around sexual behaviour. Please take some time to reflect on whether this relationship would be sexual if you didn't have those rules. If it would be, then you may be in an emotional affair, which can be as damaging as a physical affair.

Generally this leads to a headache, I wouldn't hang out with him alone without his wife around if I was you, or at least within a group of friends; much safer.