Is really so bad to want love at teenager age?

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Spiderpig
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31 Mar 2015, 6:55 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
What 16-year old boy who is heterosexual is NOT obsessed with girls?


Those who have more immediate and pressing things to be obsessed with. It also helps if you know you’re light-years away from any realistic chance of making a true connection with a girl.


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jimmyboy76453
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31 Mar 2015, 7:42 pm

I'm in my 30s and in a happy relationship. That whole thing about 'relax and stop looking for a relationship' is for people in their 20s who are looking for a permanent relationship. For those people, looking for love is the best way to meet tons of losers. The best way to find love is not to look for it. Happened to me; one day, my partner just walked into my life. I wasn't looking for him or love, and my life was never the same.

But for you, that advice isn't relevant. You're young; none of your relationships right now are going to be permanent. After you graduate high school, whether you go to college or not, everyone you know who is your age is going to move out of your life and you are going to meet a whole new set of people. This, right now, is practice. So practice learning what girls want by being friends with them. When you get out of high school and meet new people, some of those girls will be attracted to you because you will know how to treat them. Practice learning what you can do to be nice to them (that thing people say about how girls like guys who are mean to them is a lie. It might get you sex but not a relationship. Be nice to girls).

Speaking of sex, if that is all you want, it's not that big a deal. You can do a lot by yourself with no girls that feels good and isn't going to get anyone pregnant or infected with an STD (you'd be surprised how many high school kids have STDs). Plus, it's totally normal even for NTs not to have sex until they are out of high school and a few years into college. You aren't the only one not getting it, no matter how much it seems like you are.

Lastly, don't try too hard. No matter what age you are, girls can tell when you're desperate to get a date and it is a huge turn off. You have to find a way not to be desperate and to just be casual. I know it seems crappy that you don't have a girlfriend, but not dating in high school is not a big deal. I wanted a relationship SO BAD in high school, but I didn't date at all until a year after high school. I did have sex, but it wasn't a good idea and there isn't any part of what I did in high school that I am proud of.

So, that being said, I guess my advice is to relax and stop trying to date. It really is what I would tell my 16 year old self. It's normal to be obsessed with girls and to want to date, but not getting girls and not dating is also normal. You can't die from lack of girlfriend, you really can't.


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sagan369
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08 Apr 2015, 4:06 pm

I'm a 35 year old Aspy hi-func man who has been in about 25 bf/gf relationships, 6 or so lasting a year or more, 2 lasting about 3 years. I have been on 5 casual dates, and had about 5 one or two night stands (yes that kind of standing).

It just occurred to me that I have the option of ushering you over to our profile pages for a private chat, but on third thought, everyone needs too hear this ASAP.

On forth thought I'll defer to your needs in this case.

SEE WORLD, WE CAN LEARN HOW TO ACT!! !! !! !!



KaityWeaver
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09 Apr 2015, 7:09 pm

As a teenager myself who hasn't been in too many relationships, I totally get what you're saying. I think that it's actually really great to get to be in relationship with someone who cares about you and really wants to spend time with you and all that. Whether or not it will actually last too long is up in the air but it's still worthwhile. It is pretty hard (especially for Aspies) to figure out dating at first - but i think it's worth the effort! But just remember that if it doesn't work out , it's not the end of the world. It sucks but you'll get over it and there's always going to be someone else out there for you :D



818213
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09 Apr 2015, 7:15 pm

Being 17 myself I will give you a realistic view on your feelings. At leats I will try. As much as an aspie can ;)

First off it is completely normal to be interested in girls at your age.

I'm afraid this is quite the bitter pill though. What is happening is that in some way or form your survival instinct is kicking in. NT's have sufficient opposite sex interaction that they don't have the feeling they are being left out of the world that is sex and relationships. How ever you as I understand are an aspie and for us social contact isn't something we can assume as easy. So I understand you have the feeling you are kinda stuck behind, i think?

Anyways my advise to you would be not to worry, and definitely don't over think it too much. Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. But finding a person is far from the end. Aspies are hypersensitive to touching meaning that everything from hugging, kissing etc.. Is a pretty big obstacle for you and any aspie. So when you do find someone try to get comfortable with them, because that will make you less worried/frustrated in intimit situations. Another piece of advise for you is play hard to get, and I don't mean cocky or arrogant. Just hard to get, because than the chance is larger that they will make the first move, and for Aspies (when dating/flirting an NT) that is essential since we are bad at reading the signs.

Finally I would just like to remind you too always be friendly and kind, it's a really good quality too have and Aspies tend too have it in them a lot.

PS.

It's not bad to love at this age at all. Also everyone saying that it's more important to focus on your studies now and that this stuff comes later isn't being realistic. We are in the 21rst where it's like a race to lose your virginity and society is messed up. (just being honest) Its put pressure on all teens growing up today. Do whatever makes you happy, because there's no point in having a Phd if all you wanted was a relationship.



darkphantomx1
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10 Apr 2015, 11:56 am

Iv'e been interested in girls since Kindergarden. I even had my first kiss at age 5. I kissed a girl right on the lips in my class and I got sent to the principals office.

I guess some things never change.