Fear and Loathing Toward my Future, Nonexistent Wife

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You do not have the skills to pull it off, you would have to be an enigmatic sociopath with excellent social skills or a delusional disorder and actually believe it. This thing about convincing them you are an "alpha", is not going to hold true in other aspect regardless of the deception, especially as you have such a low opinion of yourself.

You are not just lying about history, you are saying you are different person now. Even the best actors would struggle to keep this up, in regular contact.

He doesn't believe it, and he won't convince himself of it. Fabrication is different from a delusional disorder. Some con arts do have delusional disorders, but they also lack the fear surrounding it. this is a conspiracy borne out of fear.

I think my post a few above came off really harsh - I apologize for that. In the moment I was hoping to wake you up, not make you feel attacked and defensive, so if the later is how you felt, I apologize.

I'm hard on you because I believe in you. You are one of the many people on this board I care about, although you probably don't realize it, and it distresses me to see you mess yourself up so badly in your own head. Does that make sense?

Forget about hypotheticals: they're worthless when it comes to love.

Forget about this Greek Letter Male concept......We're not dogs, and we're not fraternity brothers.

We're individuals who lead individual lives, rather than the "life" as constructed via a research study. Nobody has 2.2 kids, either!

Just go out there, be yourself, talk to real women. Don't quote statistics. Talk about your interests instead.

No one wants to be paranoid. This is a learned cycle of behavior, and these types of disorder can be debilitating in their own right.

On the other hand, you cannot treat neurosis with kid gloves, becuase that is not humane, helpful or motherly, it nurtures the negative behavior and thought patterns, prolonging the torment.

Shock and insult won't necessarily help either, but challenging extreme views is important.

If it was just about sex, then he would just go to an escort like he has done previously. So it is clear there is something he wants in a relationship. He has trained himself out of love apparently. The word love is subjective and loaded sure, but obviously there is some attraction to a relationship. If it is not about attachment and it really is just about status, then that is hypocritical, and not surprising that his fears manifest in that way.

I appreciate the caring and the willingness to help. I know you mean well. But this won't make the dangers go away. Because marriages can be deadly to aspie men who don't have the social skills to navigate in one. Unlike other social situations, where you can practice through trial and error---like I've been doing so far, and learned to find a fling on a cruise---one mistake in a marriage, like forgetting the anniversary, can have severe personal and financial, if not also legal, ramifications.

There are more fears I'd like to cover, but everything seems to be falling on deaf ears. Being married can make an aspie man more respected in the eyes of society, but I'll lose more than I'll gain.

It's OK to not want to get married. You don't have to get married; it isn't for everyone and that is OK. But when you date, or just interact with women, you owe it to yourself to have an authentic interaction. And all these games you talk about playing ... Well, in so many ways, it just isn't healthy for you. Not to mention how they play into negative stereotypes women might start to form about men.

I wasn't trying to change your mind about marriage, just about all the other crazy (to me) things you've been sharing.

There are always "dangers" to life.

We have to deal with them as they come along.

I don't think this hypothetical wife thing will help you in any way.

Because this is not a real person. It's a statistic.

I know you're not listening to me LOL

What I'm hearing when you say this is that you don't want to get married, but are considering doing so (through a process of deceit) so as to advance your status in society.
Step back for a moment, Dude.
Think how you would feel if a person treated you in such a way. Decived you for their own gain. Perhaps without love for you at all. It's terrible to treat anyone like that.

I wonder if all this could be taken as an example of the dangerous and destructive side of scripting?
OP seems to be trying to script an entire person and relationship.

Yes. It's also an example of why evolutionary psychology and pick-up artist nonsense is so disastrous for Aspies (and other socially awkward types.) Dating can be hard enough but he's taken their crap to heart and it's completely crippled him. It takes a person who would normally find it difficult to date and makes it impossible. No women is going to want to date someone who resents them for no reason.

It seems like some people are trying to discourage your caution but I wish I had used more in my life.

* Vandalizing my car in retaliation for something I did, then denying everything
-I think you would have to cheat on her or dump her to get this reaction.
* Making me sleep on the couch after an argument
-Hold your ground. Sleep/lay in YOUR bed, even if she spends all night yelling. If you let her push you around, she will loose respect for you.
* Abusing me every day, both verbally and physically
-I don't know why this happens but I am living it everyday.
* Screaming at me for hours on end, then saying I deserved it all
-Yep, that is what is happening to me with my NT wife.
* Formatting my computer after getting angry at me for forgetting her birthday, then laughing in my face about it
-COERCION is the fang of the female.
* Cheating on me with a man who's more alpha than me
-Trusting women is one giant leap for mankind.
* Emptying out my bank account in the divorce proceedings
-Keep an additional secret bank account.
* "Trapping" me with a pregnancy without my knowledge
-Keep it in your pants until you know you found the one.

I am not all that smart, this is just what I have seen in my small little life. Women can bring so much joy and happiness to your life. A good woman will make you feel invincible everyday.
I think that most women are not that much different from men in their fears of being hurt.
So don't be too hard on them. But you are not wrong use care when selecting a mate.

If this were only about caution I would agree, the OP is exhibiting a nervous disorder based on hypotheticals. If someone is really that intolerable don't go out with them, or leave. Otherwise you are choosing to go along with it.

Manipulative behavior should not be tolerated fullstop/period. The manipulator the moment would be the OP, as he intends to deceive, and his fears reflect that he would be a fraud.

The only advice I would give is don't get married. Legal marriage make no sense anyway, and in my opinion it would be better if there was not a special legal status of marriage. Relationships are not something the state should concern itself about or try to define.

The notion that 'alphas' as somehow less prone to been manipulated is bunk. The closest thing to an alpha in humans, which far from an absolute rule (as in wolves), would be a male that doesn't bother long term relationships, but mates with many females. So as far as the been related to to marriage status it is not all all.

The reason why humans are like some bird species in having long term relationships, because this alpha idea is a poor fit. It is also not practically viable is such a large society. If there are lower status males then there is lower status females. Status is not a singular idea, there are many different types of status, some directly counter to one another. People are looking for different thing, and people are selective in a magnitude of different ways.

I can only assume that the OP is seeking someone who is a poor fit, then fearing the consequences. Well that is par for the course.

Last edited by 0_equals_true on 06 Mar 2015, 1:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It is not failing on deaf ears. People who ask questions they don't want answered, or post discussions they don't want discussed are wasting their own time.

I'm not going to nurture thoughts that are destructive to you and the people you interact with. That would not be a nice thing to affirm. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

There is such a thing as innocent until proven guilty. If you hold people in contempt they will treat you likewise.

African wild dogs are interesting, in there are separate hierarchies for male and females where males stay in their natal pack, where as females tend to disperse. This is different from the other social species.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/African_wi ... _behaviour



"Evolutionary psychology" has little to do with evolution. Evolution is not an entity that thinks or decides, it is the genetic transition. Evolutionary psychology assumes a direct relationship between choices/actions and evolution, when in fact the relationship is indirect, and is part of many different types of selection. Procreation isn't even a priority for many humans, and we do it well enough as species. Probably the misunderstood concept is survival of the fittest, which is assumed to mean physical strength, when actually it is the most adaptive. Human evolution is not just down to individuals, it is a group/societal thing. Much of our evolution is technological rather than biological.

PUA is 90% about confidence, it includes some confidence tricks. People who are good at confidence trick, are those that have inherent social understanding. There is no evidence that PUA is more successful than average at forming long term relationships, let alone in aspies.

A good example of a narcissistic downward spiral of living a lie is this guy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean-Claude_Romand

Note: That chance of anyone deceiving people close to them for that long is extremely unlikely an rare. It requires excellent skills of manipulation.

You met the OP's imaginary wife?? Astonishing!