Fear and Loathing Toward my Future, Nonexistent Wife

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Aspie1
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02 Mar 2015, 6:53 pm

0_equals_true wrote:

I'm sorry if I find that very hard to believe, just going on your thoughts. I'd bet would would be hurt unless you you had fallen out of love yourself. It is just not plausible, that you would invest that much, not to be bothered, if they fell for someone else.
...
I think you are worrying about rejection and your ability to detach yourself in such a situation, and a conflict of interests. Being torn between basic needs and common sense.

Umm, no. I trained myself out of falling in love a long time ago. I had two failed dating experiences, both at age 18: one where a girl canceled a date with me when I told her I didn't have a car, and another where I found out a girl only liked me as a friend despite having gone on two dates with me. I've never had any infatuation feelings since then, let alone fall in love; it's already been 12 years now.

The above doesn't even include numerous online romances, where I wasted anywhere from a week to many months of time, on promises of romance that led nowhere. Kind of serves me right, I suppose. I was drawn in by the possibility of those girls getting to know the "real me", rather than my looks or my car. When in reality, the same lack of attraction caused everything to crash and burn each time.

A rule I developed for myself, based on books I read, is to always be ready to walk away. Doesn't matter how long it's been in the relationship. If I find out that a woman is not attracted to me (not the same as doesn't love me), and responds in kind by abusing me, walk away! (A woman who's attracted to a man will never yell at him for any reason, because attraction comes with respect.)

KayteeKay
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02 Mar 2015, 10:52 pm

Aspie1 wrote:

0_equals_true wrote:

Oh good god. You had got stood up and then dumped by a girl you'd been on all of two dates with (had you even discussed dating exclusively? Had she agreed to it?) TWELVE YEARS AGO -- and now you are mad about being single.

You. Stopped. Trying. The consequence of which is that you're (duh) still single. And mad about having brought singleness upon YOURSELF.

Assuming you decided to TRY, not being alone for the rest of your life is within the realm of possibility.

aspiemike
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02 Mar 2015, 11:20 pm

I can't believe I just read 6 pages to finally say this:

From your OP, this is the most likely thing that would happen in a relationship that you could fear. But I wouldn't call it just an argument, you would have to done something to deserve it

Quote:

* Making me sleep on the couch after an argument

As for being prepared to walking away at any moment and for any reason, I can definitely related to that thought. The world is unpredictable anyway.

_________________
Your Aspie score: 130 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 88 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

Aspie1
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03 Mar 2015, 12:25 am

KayteeKay wrote:

OK, let's clear up two things.

(1) I'm not mad about being single. My fear and loathing is toward marriage and long-term relationships. By remaining single, I know I'll never be kicked out the bed that I PAID FOR, and have to sleep on the couch. In fact, I came up with a retaliation plan for when my wife forces me to sleep on the couch after an argument.

(2) I didn't "stop trying". I've dated plenty (although nowhere near as much as alpha males do), and even been sexually intimate in a few cases. But one thing for sure: I never fell in love with anyone I've been with, and never will. I trained myself out of that, much like owners train their dogs out of jumping on people.

The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Mar 2015, 2:39 am

androbot01 wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Fine, lemme make dinner now....

Seriously?
What ... you've now been put in your place like a woman, so will go perform a servile function? I guess that's just how you see the world.

You realize your own sentence is quite misogynistic, no?

I just got hungry and had to make dinner for myself. if you hadn't notice, I live in a totally different time zone.

androbot01
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03 Mar 2015, 6:21 am

Aspie1 wrote:

By remaining single, I know I'll never be kicked out the bed that I PAID FOR, and have to sleep on the couch. In fact, I came up with a retaliation plan for when my wife forces me to sleep on the couch after an argument.

You've come up with a retaliation plan against a non-existent person, for something that hasn't happened? That's a lot of mental energy to spend on fantasy.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You realize your own sentence is quite misogynistic, no?

I just got hungry and had to make dinner for myself. if you hadn't notice, I live in a totally different time zone.

Well that makes sense. I was struggling to put your comment in some context.

kraftiekortie
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03 Mar 2015, 6:32 am

This "alpha male" stuff is nonsense. We're not dogs.

(not to insult dogs, mind you!) :wink:

The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Mar 2015, 7:56 am

androbot01 wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You realize your own sentence is quite misogynistic, no?

I just got hungry and had to make dinner for myself. if you hadn't notice, I live in a totally different time zone.

Well that makes sense. I was struggling to put your comment in some context.

Sweetleaf is right, some of you are just quick to interpret anything a guy says into a misogynistic context.

YippySkippy
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03 Mar 2015, 8:24 am

Quote:

In fact, I came up with a retaliation plan for when my wife forces me to sleep on the couch after an argument.

This sounds insane, and I'm not saying that flippantly. I think you are dangerously paranoid and out of touch with reality.

androbot01
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03 Mar 2015, 8:34 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

androbot01 wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You realize your own sentence is quite misogynistic, no?

I just got hungry and had to make dinner for myself. if you hadn't notice, I live in a totally different time zone.

Well that makes sense. I was struggling to put your comment in some context.

Sweetleaf is right, some of you are just quick to interpret anything a guy says into a misogynistic context.

This is the exchange:

DW_a_mom wrote:

It became a negative generalization when the OP said he found it to be a negative trait of women in general.

We've tried to point out that there are nuances to this and that no one can generalize.

As for the article you linked to, I disagree with the article and find it really off-putting. On multiple levels.

You're response:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Fine, lemme make dinner now....

Regardless of your time zone, your response is open to interpretation. At best it's dismissve and self-centred.

The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Mar 2015, 9:38 am

I shall admit that I have a kind of fear from being questioned by dated like for example "Why are you like this?" / "Why don't you go out much?" / "Why you never had a serious relationship?" ....etc

The fact is, I was questioned by dates with such, things about lifestyle, things about my poor social life, things about past, things about sexuality...etc- and I bet they would question more stuff if things went deeper, so it's not just based on my imagination.

Friends, buddies, acquaintances very rarely ask any of this, but dates start questioning from day one.

And I don't like it because even I don't know the right answers.

The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Mar 2015, 9:42 am

androbot01 wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

androbot01 wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You realize your own sentence is quite misogynistic, no?

I just got hungry and had to make dinner for myself. if you hadn't notice, I live in a totally different time zone.

Well that makes sense. I was struggling to put your comment in some context.

Sweetleaf is right, some of you are just quick to interpret anything a guy says into a misogynistic context.

This is the exchange:

DW_a_mom wrote:

You're response:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Fine, lemme make dinner now....

Regardless of your time zone, your response is open to interpretation. At best it's dismissive and self-centred.

The real interpretation is "Fine whatever floats your boat, I better do something productive like making dinner for myself instead of going on in this".

Oh wait, you're right, I was being dismissive and self-centered.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 03 Mar 2015, 9:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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03 Mar 2015, 9:43 am

Just say you're looking for the "right" girl.

The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Mar 2015, 10:07 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

Just say you're looking for the "right" girl.

Cheesy...I hate cheesy answers.

And it's too cheesy to be believable in my age range.

kraftiekortie
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03 Mar 2015, 10:09 am

I would say, in at least some cases, that it's really a true statement, no matter how "cheesy" that seems.

Aspie1
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03 Mar 2015, 10:15 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I'm starting to get these questions too. I fight back by fabricating past relationships based on women that used to be a part of my life: past relationships (all less than 6 months), one-time dates, failed romances, escorts I've been with, and my former friend who's a girl.

Here's how I do it. I come up with three fabricated relationships, then have the details down solid: her name, her age, how we met, when we started dating, what the relationship was like, activities we did (besides sex, that is), cause of break-up, date of break-up, and whether I still talk to her ("no"). Then, when asked about my past relationships, I regurgitate those stories, making them sound flowery and emotional, and women seem to love that. I never change the details from person to person, because then it's too easy to get confused in my own lies. I have three simple stories with the details memorized well, and follow them and them only.

Of course, in a few years, I'll have to fabricate a past marriage, because it's "bad" to be in your 30's and never have been married before. This shouldn't be too difficult: same details as above, plus what the wedding was like (base that on a friend's wedding I attended), and what the divorce was like ("civil for the most part").

The_Face_of_Boo, perhaps you can do the same?

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