im gonna be forever alone ='(

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You know what's funny? Guys in their 20s who are a virgin and never kissed a girl, they get rejected a couple of times and then conclude with i'm going to be forever alone. As if they can see into the future and know that they're going to be forever alone. Listen guys, you're in your friggin 20s. You still have some life ahead of you. Who knows, some girl may come along and when that happens, you gotta be ready. Don't complain ur gonna be forever alone yet... Only really start to worry if you're in your mid 30s and never had a girlfriend. If you're 33 and up and you've never had a girlfriend, you're probably doing something wrong and you need figure that out. If you die and you're still a virgin whos never had a girlfriend, thats the only time you can say that you are forever alone.

I remember turning 30 when a study came out that concluded a woman who was still single at the age of thirty had a better chance of being struck by lightening (or some similar long odds comparison) than ever getting married.

I got upset for a little while. And then I laughed. I am not a statistic. No way I am going to let any norm define my life.

I also spent some time thinking about why it mattered to me, and realized that my feeling lonely was created more by outside influences than it was by the reality of my life. I like my own company. I did then, I do now. I have no trouble entertaining myself, and I'm not uncomfortable going to a movie by myself, or even eating in a casual restaurant. I had spent years buying into the assumption that I was supposed to want to be in a relationship, rather than thinking about if being in a relationship was really the best thing for me at that point in my life. Truth was, I was doing a lot of things that I would not be able to do once I got married and started and family, and I was enjoying doing those things. One more reason to realize that no way is someone else's norm ever going to define my life.

I had a lot of fun from age 30 - 35.

And I got married at 36.

#&!*(#&@*(!$ with that study. I know many women just like me, married well after 30.

I am not a statistic, and I will not let someone else's theoretical norm define my life.

One of the reasons I sometimes visit this board is to help people who might be making that same mistake move away from it. You don't have to have a relationship to have a good life. And the truth is, if you build a good life for yourself without worrying about if you will ever find someone to share it with, you actually have a better chance of eventually finding someone to share it with.

I agree with this to a point, but only to a point. I'm in the situation you describe, in that I'm in my late 20s and have yet to have my first kiss or relationship. Thus far I've dated ~30 people, and consequently been rejected by ~30 people. Do I feel helpless at times? Absolutely. That feeling isn't due to my lack of experience, my age, or even from being rejected a few times. It stems from being rejected every time, and having no other point of reference. That is really the key in my mind...if I had been in a relationship in the past, I could use that to say "It worked once, it can happen again". I could also learn from experience, and see what worked/didn't work in that relationship and use that to help me going forward and finding a new one. I've worked on figuring out what I'm doing wrong, and I'm pretty sure I've figured it out and am working on improving in that area.

With that said, I am in an extremely comfortable place in life, and I know for a fact that I'd be a good catch for a potential partner. Aside from my dating situation, I have everything I could want and am perfectly content. I know full well that there is someone out there for me, and it's just a matter of finding her, and I think that someday I will. I don't prescribe to the "forever alone" notion, because I think that it's a self-defeating mindset and I don't think I will be "forever alone". I still feel somewhat helpless at times, but I just keep marching on as best I can.

I used to have this optimistic point of view, that one day I would meet somebody I liked that would like me back and so we would get married and be a family.
But never mind 20,s, even pre-teens I just knew in my heart it would never happen, like people who think they are going to win the lottery and be millionaires but deep down inside they know that never really going to happen.
I will be 57 this year, the negativity I tried to hide from myself has proven to be the truth and I am forever alone.
I have been off work this week using up holidays, apart from a half-hour on Monday with an NHS specialist, I haven't even seen anybody this week, and I don't watch TV either.
If I had known life was going to be like this, I wouldn't have bothered.

I must admit I'm no stranger to this line of reasoningThat was my plan all along. Get job, buy stuff.

Watch, when you're middle aged you might have a chance with a divorcee. There will be less of the stupid "dating to date" crap that's more prevalent in younger people.

Yep, definitely relate to that. I think I wanted a relationship (other than just to have sex) because I wanted to prove to others that I was ok also, that girls could like me, find me attractive, and so I could be like everyone else. I was reflecting the other day on how most of the time I was in college and grad school, I just didn't meet any women who I really enjoyed spending a lot of time with. Spending time with someone is probably pretty important for a relationship. I was/am a bit of a loner and wanted to do whatever I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. I didn't realize then that is what was going on, I just figured I must be really unattractive because no one wanted to date me. I didn't ask many people out either, though. I didn't know that most women (at least at that time, mid 80s to mid 90s) weren't socialized to do the asking.

Like was said earlier, once I really got ok with myself and the idea that I might be alone for quite a while, I started getting dates and appearing more interesting to females.

Being alone forever is a possibility for everybody -- not just folks on the spectrum. You're responsible for your own happiness -- making it contingent upon [somebody else] when [that other person's actions] are 100% out of your control is a recipe for misery.

You're certainly entitled to sulk about it and accept it as your Fate In Life --- but, um, it doesn't seem to be working very well.

Have you considered seeking treatment for depression or anxiety? It sounds like something possibly medical is interfering with your ability to live the sort of life you want to be living.

It's funny that those kind of thoughts might come to mind when my gf and I have an argument or fight (late twenties now). I have had plenty of instances in my teens and early twenties where people would just call things off or dump me when we had one minor disagreement. This actually brought this idea to me that I was expected to be perfect and make no mistakes around women. So guess what would happen later on in my mid-twenties when I would be dating someone and I made one minor mistake? I would panic and either run or make some excuse for the mistake. I would then assume that the relationship was off the table due to this mistake I made. This further instilled this belief I would be forever alone myself.

Point being- Fear is a big factor behind my having this "forever alone" attitude. Even after several sexual relationships and many other dating experiences. However, this fear is mostly gone now as well and I don't panic or run from my girlfriend.

Well, if you believe in reincarnation, you will know what a lonely forever really is. Your life is a gift only for you. Physical connection with someone else comes with heavy burdons. You may think you are missing one good thing but you do not see all the webs of emotion and responsibility that will be dumped on you to deal with as the final result. The dream is better than the reality. Enjoy the dream as long as you can. Sex leads to marriage and once you are married, you best forget about sex. It is a trap young friend. Be free and love yourself.

this has always mad me more depressed. so basically wait almost all your life to be some person's "looks around, meh why not" 2nd,3rd or 8th choice. meh :'( after they've enjoyed their life had a family and are done with all the fun stuff.

I want to be someone's romantic true love. that fills both us with joy and do fun things together. things one can't do in their 50-80s.

Yeah, for me it's more that then actual loneliness. It's just that being single made me think there was something wrong with me. It just seemed like a normal social function that all normal people could figure out. When I saw kids half my age pair up I thought I must have some sort of arrested development. Like I'm dumber than a 13 year old (I have similar concerns regarding academia).Sometimes I do that, and women get interested in me and I miss their signs of interest. I'm better than I used to be at noticing interest but nowhere near proficient.That would be a good idea for people with this sort of problem but early intervention in key. Such problems should be treated in adolescence not only in such that they relate to learning the dating game when you're at an age when it's OK to be a learner but also because depression and anxiety can lead to poor grades.

I ll be 33 soon.

You know what I am doing wrong?

I am not much motivated for a relationship, and probably never been dying for one.

I don't actually have a boyfriend, nor a real relationship with someone.

tons of guys here.

hugs

I like the sentiment behind the OP's post. I have had to tell myself that stuff over and over when I was younger. Every time I had a break up, I assumed I would never have another relationship EVER. I lost my virginity at age 21. Before that, I assumed NO WOMEN EVER would find me attractive enough to have sex with me.

For me, though, when I thought I would be alone forever, it was more about not knowing how to go about getting a relationship. I was absolutely clueless.

Now I am in my early 30's and I no longer believe I will be alone forever. In fact, I assume I will eventually get into a relationship and maybe start a family. That is because I have had enough social experiences with women to be comfortable around them in non-romantic situations. I also have had enough life experience to figure out when a woman is attracted to me. I could never notice it when I was a teenager or even in my early 20's unless the woman literally came up to me and said, "I am attracted to you" which the overwhelming majority of women don't do because I am not a very approachable person.

I honestly don't know how in the world I could convince my 20 or 25 or 28 year old self that I could have a relationship. I just didn't have any positive experiences to give me the confidence. One hope I have for younger aspies is that there are plenty of single people in their 30's and up who are looking for partners. You are never too old to start dating if you haven't already.

Also, teenagers and people in their 20's are less likely to be focused on long-term relationships than people who are 30+, and younger people aren't as realistic about relationships as people who are older. People become better partners when they get older.

One thing you have to do is put yourself in a position to find a partner. If you live in an area where there are no potential partners, consider moving. If you don't have money to date, work on increasing your income. If you don't know how to have a good time, focus on your hobbies. Once you develop your hobbies, find people who also enjoy those things.

If you are unclear on how to approach women, come here and ask questions. I learned more about women in the last year by coming to wrongplanet and listening to the women on wrongplanet than I did in the first 29 years of my life. That has also increased my confidence significantly. There are people here who want to and can help you with dating.