Relationship Advice Please

Post Reply New Topic

I have a crush on a friend of mine named Claire. I don't know how to proceed. I mean, she's said that I'm the nicest person she knows and has complimented me on my physical appearance a few times, but that doesn't necessarily mean that she'd be open to the possibility of a romantic relationship. I'm certainly not the best looking or most charismatic guy she knows. I'm not really sure what the tactful thing to do is so I've been trying to act as though I don't have these feelings for her.

I was thrilled the first time she asked me if I wanted to get together with her outside of school. We went to her house and played Call of Duty and watched Netflix with one mutual friend and two people who are close friends of hers, but only aquaintences to me. Josie (her best friend) saw how differenly I act when she's not around and was able to surmise my feelings, but she's agreed not to tell Claire.

Most of the girls I know (guys too) are shallow, utterly repulsive people. She's wonderfully compassionate though. She doesn't think very highly of her own intellect, but having helped her with a number of assignments for Science in the Community can tell you that she's actually a lot smarter than she gives herself credit for. She's a fan of a couple musicians that I can't stand and she can say the same of me, but there's a pretty significant overlap in our taste in media. Just today we were sitting around showing each other music we like. She exposed me to Tech N9ne, Krizz Kaliko and a couple other artists I'm really glad she showed me. I showed her Rebel Inc, Rage Aganst The Machine and Immortal Technique and she said she really liked them.

She's gone through a lot of s**t. Of course, most people I know have. You don't get to know me without having serious psychological or neurological issues. Despite all that she's been through (and continues to go though), she's one of the more sane people I know.

That being said, I've seen her when she's mad and it's certainly more extreme than my temper. A while back, someone who I used to be pretty close to just suddenly stopped talking to me. I would greet her every morning and she would just pretend not to hear me. I'd tell her I was sorry if I did something to upset her and that whatever it was it wasn't deliberate. Well, Claire saw what was going on and called her out on it in a less than discreet fashion. I don't remember her exact words, but I remember that she used the phrase "thunder c**t" as well as a couple others that were new to me. Then she assured me that whatever was going on wasn't my fault. She said she couldn't conceive of any reason why somebody would treat me like that. She said that Alanna should have been worried about if I pay attention to her or not, not the other way around. She went on for the entire lunch period and continued to complain about it every day for the next week. Honestly, it was extremely flattering.

I really appreciate having her in my life and worry that if I share the fact that I have romantic feelings, it'll ruin our friendship. That'd pretty well ruin the next several months for me. Still, if she were interested in a romantic relationship, I'd be ecstatic. I don't know how she feels about me though. I've been considering talking with Josie about it since she's really close to Claire and is the only person who knows about this. However, I haven't been able to talk with her privately. She doesn't have a Skype and never checks her email. She offered to give me her phone number, but I explained that I don't own a phone because I can usually communicate perfectly well online. Until I can find a good way to contact Josie, I'm really not sure how to proceed.

So, what should I do? How do I deal with the situation?

skype can call actual phones.

But don't you have to pay for that service? That would be a prohibitive factor for me. Since I can only work over the summer, I don't have spending money for most of the year.

Just checked and yes, it does cost money

Okay. I just signed up for a free VOIP service. I'll get Josie's number today.

Just take things slowly, the way you've been doing so far. She probably likes you because you're different from most of the people she knows, so don't try and change. From what you say you see her regularly, so there's no rush. You seem to have things in common, which is always a good start to a relationship - although it's also encouraging that you have different tastes too; it would be dull if you agreed about everything.

One of the first things I would do is make sure she knows you can't read non-verbal cues, and might miss any signals people send that aren't explicit. You don't have to talk about it in the context of you and her; you can talk about it very generally, saying things like "I would never know if a girl wanted to date me; I can't read the cues, even after people try to explain them to me."

You might also find it worthwhile to know some things about her generally, like if she is willing to date at all, or is more comfortable staying completely out of relationships for a while. Some girls in high school don't want to date even when they have romantic feelings, so if that is true, you may as well know that upfront, before either of you expose the existence of more than friendly feelings. I mention that because my son basically spent two years trapped in a no-romance romance, and I think it really would have been easier if neither had ever known of the other's attraction and just been friends the whole time.

Overall, just take it slow. Once you've established the above parameters, you can consider (down the road, not in the same conversation) floating questions like, "have you ever had romantic interest in any of the guys you are friends with?" It will be hard to read her answer, given that teenage girls haven't perfected their own responses yet and tend to run away from revealing their real feelings just like teenage boys do, but it could also prove revealing.