How does one behave on a 'second date'?

Page 1 of 9 [ 136 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 9  Next

Outrider
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,007
Location: Australia

17 Mar 2015, 5:33 am

I went out with someone on a 'first date' however it wasn't a date but more of a 'hangout/get together' to get to know the other person better.

We agreed to meet again same time, same place next week.

How do I act? Exactly the same as the first time?

Or should I begin to show more signs of my interested in them?

At what point do you begin to initiate flirting and other behaviors? Third date?



The_Walrus
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2010
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,811
Location: London

17 Mar 2015, 5:52 am

You should probably try to give some expression of interest.

Usually, you should be flirting with someone on the first date... though I guess that depends on your definition of "flirting". They need to be getting vibes from you that you're interested, but in a non-threatening, non-obsessive way.

Take WikiHow with a pinch of salt, but this guide seems pretty good: http://www.wikihow.com/Flirt



Outrider
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,007
Location: Australia

17 Mar 2015, 6:40 am

Agreed. Don't know what you'd consider flirting though. I'm not even too sure if I've already done it or not.

I am always very teasing and playful with her but probably might not be beyond what her normal friends of hers would do.

I've touched/tapped her shoulder and touched her in other ways before (never inappropriately of course not). Like when i said goodbye I lightly brushed my hand against her arm.

Also for example, she likes to write stories and on her laptop she mentioned one story she wrote that is very disturbing and creepy and strange.

I tried to get the laptop and click into the story and we were playfully fighting over it. She was blocking the screen with her hands and I was trying to grab her hands and click into it and snatch the laptop so I could see what her story was.

Is this 'flirting'? I honestly don't know...

But yes on the second date will make my intntions more clear but remain subtle. Thank you for the advice.



Jono
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,606
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa

17 Mar 2015, 6:52 am

Outrider wrote:
I went out with someone on a 'first date' however it wasn't a date but more of a 'hangout/get together' to get to know the other person better.

We agreed to meet again same time, same place next week.

How do I act? Exactly the same as the first time?

Or should I begin to show more signs of my interested in them?

At what point do you begin to initiate flirting and other behaviors? Third date?


Just act mostly the same as the first date. Make sure that you've got subjects of mutual interest to talk about. The more dates you have with her, the better you'll get to know each other. I never understood flirting myself, so I normally skip that, but for example, you could try hugging her when you leave. I don't think that flirting is absolutely necessary but you can still give signs of physical affection. With her consent though, so make sure that you ask her first.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

17 Mar 2015, 6:53 am

Yeah....what you did with the laptop could be considered "flirting."

I would just keep it "simple....stupid" on the second date.

Has she expressed interest in you by stroking your hand?

If she grabs your shirt and pretends to want to "button it,", that means she wants to go to bed with you....automatically.

Otherwise, I would proceed as you've been proceeding.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,890
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

17 Mar 2015, 7:10 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

If she grabs your shirt and pretends to want to "button it,", that means she wants to go to bed with you....automatically.



lol wat

Girls, including coworkers, buttoned before some button I skipped or pointed out a missing or wrongly done button.



ConcreteDinosaur
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 16 Mar 2014
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 107

17 Mar 2015, 7:19 am

More of the same, don't act so much as respond. Also don't worry, most guys think they need to do this or that on a date, its pretty much the girl who usually holds the cards and lets you play. Don't stress your part :p



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

17 Mar 2015, 9:14 am

I meant more...if the girl UNDOES the button. Should have specified that.



Outrider
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,007
Location: Australia

18 Mar 2015, 7:30 am

To everyone that has replied thank you for the help.

The thing is she is not interested in me the EXACT same way as I am in her, but I still want to have a smooth transition from friend to relationship.

By the end of the third date I wanted to have asked her if she will be in a relationship with me.

I am still not too sure what i should do on a second date. Some have mentioned act the same way as the first time but maybe slightly more expressive in my feelings.

What I was going to do was:

- compliment her on her looks (something casual like 'You look really nice')

- ask her casually if she is seeing anyone, but I am not too sure how I might go about doing this and how. When there is a pause in the conversation I might ask it. Say I'm just wondering.

Maybe: "So...you seein' anyone right now? I mean, y'know, just wonderin'...'

There are a lot of ideas here from me and everyone else just not sure what I can do with them...



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

18 Mar 2015, 8:24 am

If she looks nice, I would compliment her---but tell don't her she evokes those "certain feelings!" LOL

Have you spoken about each other's families? That's always good if you can't come up with anything else to say.

I don't think you should ask her if she's "seeing someone." Let her tell you, after you express interest (not on the 2nd date, though--unless she winks at you or something).

And always remember:

Guys always go through what you go through--Aspie or no.



SilverStar
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,058
Location: Ohio, USA

18 Mar 2015, 10:57 pm

Just keep it friendly and natural. if she don't mind you touching her...keep doing it. :D Try to keep your feelings reserved...at least for the time being. Spend time getting to know each other first.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

19 Mar 2015, 10:13 am

Don't get too "existential" with her--unless she waxes philosophical with you.



izzeme
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,665

19 Mar 2015, 10:28 am

If you are to compliment, being specific is better (AS can help here)

a specific compliment indicates that you are paying attention. "you look nice" is general, and often used absentminded, a compliment becouse you should.
"your bracelet matches your earrings" is specific, and indicates attention, but not to her so, while it is better, it isn't the best yet.
"your shirt brings out your eyes" is a great one, it is specific to indicate attention do detail, and at least one of the details is one of her own rather than her attire



Outrider
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,007
Location: Australia

19 Mar 2015, 5:10 pm

izzeme wrote:
If you are to compliment, being specific is better (AS can help here)

a specific compliment indicates that you are paying attention. "you look nice" is general, and often used absentminded, a compliment becouse you should.
"your bracelet matches your earrings" is specific, and indicates attention, but not to her so, while it is better, it isn't the best yet.
"your shirt brings out your eyes" is a great one, it is specific to indicate attention do detail, and at least one of the details is one of her own rather than her attire


At the same time I've noticed it's best to make it seem like an observation and not an opinion.

For example 'I LOVE your hair' vs. 'Your hair looks very nice'. They are two ways of saying the exact same thing.

And yes I agree with you. I was even thinking of saying somethning very similar to her one-time.



darkphantomx1
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Feb 2015
Age: 29
Posts: 1,293

19 Mar 2015, 9:21 pm

Here's a tip for you. Really genuinely care about the other person you're talking to. The people who are more receptive to what other people say, people tend to like them more. I just figured this out and I always wondered why some people are naturally more drawn to others. Because they make other people feel welcome.



SilverStar
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,058
Location: Ohio, USA

20 Mar 2015, 4:25 pm

izzeme wrote:
"your shirt brings out your eyes" is a great one, it is specific to indicate attention do detail, and at least one of the details is one of her own rather than her attire


Women hear how pretty their eyes are all the time...get creative. :lol:

This girl that I was talkin on the 'net to a long time ago, sent me a pic of herself (in which the camera flash turned her eyes red). I told her that she had beautiful red eyes. lol :evil: