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Hi I am 58 and a widower. I have been receiving psychiatric treatment for over 40 years. My problems include general and social anxiety,depression,mood swings , and paranoia and it's recorded that I have been delusional in the past.
As well as the more conventional psychiatric problems I have difficulty with social interaction and organising and planning.
As a child,especially a teenager, I was bullied verbally for being physically and socially awkward. I have only had a handful of friends IRL over 58 years.
Academically I started off well but went gradually downhill from about the age of 9. When doing online IQ tests I manage the verbal questions very well but really struggle with spatial ones. I did a test recently online that suggested my spatial IQ was 56. I struggle with constructional, manual and practical tasks and have never been able to do jigsaw puzzles.
I come from a generation where aspergers and NVLD were not heard off especially in the UK and learning problems were never considered because of my high overall intelligence.(Psychiatrists have described me as highly/very intelligent)
About 7-8 years ago I had an appointment with my pdoc to discuss my issues in this area,which was arranged by my then care co -ordinator. It was not helpful as my pdoc asked a few rather irrelevant questions before quickly changing the topic and dismissing me out of hand. I have not felt confident enough to reapproach on the matter as I am very rejection sensitive.
I have done the AQ test and scored 37.

Here is a list of my problems I wrote down several years .

Social interaction problems.

Have difficulty with small talk and initiating conversations.

Only couple of friends in 3D over 55 years

Much better at verbal IQ questions than nonverbal/ visual spatial.

Not good at constructional tasks. Can't do jigsaws meant for children.

Started doing well academically but gradual decline starting at 9.5

Had to have handwriting lessons.

Bad at sports especially gymnastics.

Have difficulty when it comes to organising and planning.

Messy and untidy

Poor sense of direction and afraid of going too far in case i get lost.

Not good in crowds as difficulty judging distances and get overwhelmed by the toing and froing

Poor? balance was nearly 14 before i managed to ride a bike.

Poor drawing skills.

Struggle with change.

General anxiety

social anxiety

depression


At 58 and with the track record of psychiatric services I am doubtful I will ever get help for these co-morbid problems. What I will say is that they have negatively impacted on my ability to function. I have never worked and since my wife died in 2005(she was my only friend) I have been increasingly socially isolated. A recent report for the purpose of claiming disability benefit said that I had " limited ability to live independently in the community".
Although I doubt I will ever get appropriate help and too much time has passed to make much difference it would be nice to hear that my problems are genuine and I am not just some kind of a freak. One of my self flagellating and repetitive thoughts is that I am a socially dysfunctional misfit.

I may be slightly more functional (for the time being), but since a divorce a few years back, I'm having the same problem with social isolation and its starting to make me feel like a prisoner in my home. I like being alone most of the time, but enough is enough, even for me.

I think there is living alone and there is living alone. . The difference is in the ability to call on company when needed. With the former you can enjoy your own space when necessary but are only a phone call away from having company when the desire arises.
It's when you have no choice or your choices are limited that living alone can be a problem.
I at one and the same time want to interact with others and yet feel highly uncomfortable and anxious when people get too close. I think it doesn't help that knowing how to react to certain situations doesn't come naturally to me. Also I have a long time nervousness about people, and expectation of negative reactions building up if people get too close to me, due to past bullying.
I guess I'm a "fearful paranoiac" a type not well recognised,although I think there are plenty of us out there,especially in psychiatric literature.

Hey firemonkey welcome.

Welcome!

Thanks for the welcomes.