Why is Asperger's unattractive?

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Why are so many of us with Asperger's unattractive to the opposite sex? What characteristics of Asperger's are a turn off to other?

Do you mean physically, or emotionally? Because physically a lot of Aspies seem to have fun body types. We often look a lot younger than we are, and have a different gait than other people, and can seem a little awkward in our bodies. People seem to have a hard time matching our mental age with the age we seem to show on the outside.
Emotionally speaking, we are a lot of work. We don't understand the little interactions that happen without thought between normal people and people pick up on that. Our way of thinking and reacting and going through life does not match up to the same patterns in normal people and it can be stressful to a relationship.

I am physically attractive despite my lazy eye. We are for the most part socially awkward. People who consider us unattractive just don't get us. So many people ask why I'm still single. Because nobody out there is worth dating to me. A person worth dating would get us. I had that, only hoping I'll have that again someday, I can't date someone who doesn't get me.

A lot of aspies have trouble with dating and relationships. It's not that having aspergers makes us unattractive, it's some of the traits associated with it that makes it harder to date and appeal to the opposite sex.

For one thing, the social difficulties. Every single one of us have social challenges to a certain degree. Some of us for instance, come off as rude and cold because we're brutally honest or we seem to not care about the people we're talking with. Others are very shy and have very bad social anxiety so it's impossible to maintain a conversation with someone we like. While others aren't very good social talkers in general, talking isn't their natural state and talking is required for building relationships. Dating is hard for anyone, having Aspergers probably makes it slighty harder.

Hygiene and look wise can also be a problem but this one is easily preventable. No offense but I see a lot of aspie guys who don't put a lot of effort into their looks. Never combing your hair, never brushing your teeth, not caring about how you look, wearing the same baggy clothes. Smelling like a trash can isn't going to help either. The good news is that you can make yourself better looking by making changes to your hygiene.


Actually us aspies are some of the coolest people you'll ever meet once you get to know us. Many of us have a unique sense of humor and unique perspective on life and unique special interests as well.

Last edited by darkphantomx1 on 25 Mar 2015, 10:26 pm, edited 2 times in total.

The terrible social skills.

^ this.

Put yourself in the shoes of the woman/man you're holding a first conversation with.

The other person has expectations of how a 'normal' person would chat and also of how someone who they would be attracted to would chat. This includes voice tone, topic flow, eloquence, body language and looks (lets just ignore looks for the moment..assume you are exactly the kind of person they consider physically attractive to get this variable out of the way).

It becomes fairly evident to this person in a matter of minutes that there is something 'off' or 'wrong' about you. They can't really tell what it is because its not like you're mumbling or stammering or behaving like any of the guys from the BigBangTheory. To this person that -thing- whatever it is, kills the first impression... the 'hey I like this person Id love to spend time with them' ,etc behavior that normally indicates a social connection/bond is forming. Unfortunately, if this person happens to be in the mindset of spending time with you a bit more just to make sure they didn't get a wrong first impression.... the second or third or fourth 'chance' they give you merely reinforces the 'something is off' feeling....and the end result is them not minding having you as a friend (usually a distant one) but not anything further.

Like me, talking isn't my natural state. I'd rather be doing something like some sort of activity then sitting down and talking to someone. A part of that problem is I just don't know what to say and it just seems awkward talking but iv'e definitely gotten better at communicating compared to how I used to be. Now it's easier if we both have the same interests like computers stuff, sports, video games etc. I am a very curious person and I like to ask questions to keep the conversation going. I'd much rather listen then talk and I am very inquisitive.

Also I do talk better to men then I do to women. Probably because i'm just simply more comfortable around guys. It just feels uncomfortable for me to talk to girls who are around my age which explains my shyness around girls. Once I get to know you though, I get more comfortable but I don't get a lot of chances to talk to girls so that's why. I'm a shy guy.

The main reason why Asperger's is unattractive, is because many of us are socially awkward, have poor communication skills, lack self-confidence, and are very passive.

Ever heard the saying "the squeeky wheel, always gets the grease"? People won't even realize you exist, if you hide in a corner by yourself, and don't talk to anybody.

Hooray, a thread that's not about eating server space during the PM!

I'm 95% certain the main reason I'm unattractive is my longstanding interest in technology. Honestly, my social skills could be a lot worse. The world is full of NTs with less tact than I normally employ. Girls who happen to actually appreciate this still warn their friends about how geeky I am, not that I really mind people speaking the truth . For a neckbeard hacker I'm pretty fit & healthy at least. Basically people fear what they don't understand, and my disciplines more or less top the list of misunderstood interests.

I agree, I think that's my problem. And I am hoping that I get better at that. :/

That's a fine balance... squeaky wheels also get replaced...

I don't think I am particularly unattractive, as far as looks or how I dress...my hygiene can be a bit lacking at times especially when my depression is being a b*tch, but typically I am not in the mood to attempt making friends or starting relationships when that is the case anyways.

Other then that I don't exactly have my life together, its become a bit more stable though...but I live at home and have SSI for income not a job I can talk about like I am awesome at even if I really am not that great at it. I have social interaction difficulties and I know I don't always have the best reactions to things...I suppose in my opinion I imagine I come off as not really someone who can commit to a serious relationship, not that no ones tried dating me but it hasn't worked out ever.

Thanks for the ideas and feedback so far. The above quote pretty much describes much of my life, but I have made progress in those areas. Didn't realize that all those characteristics are unattractive to people.

The self confidence part is a huge thing. The irony of it is that the person with AS can be very confident BUT the social performance/display (aka, what others see) when interacting is perceived as lack of confidence/shyness. Too many times I've had classmates and co-workers tell me that they thought I was timid and indecisive from our social interactions yet when things needed to be done or problems arose I would be the only one that from the start knew what to do and 'took command' of the situation and directed others to get it resolved. I know I don't lack self-confidence... it just doesn't 'show' during socializing (particularly small talk... ugh).

Ugh, THIS! I hate it when people pressure me to step outside my comfort zone or say I'm not a fighter because I'm usually quiet. I lack confidence in some areas but have plenty in other areas. Also when I do show confidence it gets misinterpreted as having a big ego, like I'm not supposed to have any confidence at all.

Given what I have experienced with my Aspie-like Girlfriend, I would say that even though I KNOW she is in love with me, she isn't good at expressing it and this causes anxiety and confusion. It's hard not to misinterpret her passive and shy nature with someone who is disinterested or passive aggressive. Like me, she isn't capable of blowing someone's socks off (she will never be a salesperson or a showman) but the more I get to know her the more I appreciate how amazing she is. If I were not Aspie myself, I probably would have walked away confused by her mixed signals. Like me, she also takes time to think before she talks. I will admit it's hard not to think she is just trying to think of a clever lie. She is also honest to a fault sometimes and I had to sit her down and politely explain that guys like to have their egos inflated once in a while.

Finally, I also had a chuckle when I was at her parent's house. Her family portrait looks just like mine with that blank "staged" expression that looks more like a passport photo or a prison mugshot. No wonder one woman said I looked like a serial killer