Why is Asperger's unattractive?

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Why is asperger's unattractive and off-putting? It's very simple.... We are different.... And people fear what they don't understand... Just look at gay people, they have been misunderstood and hated since the beginning of time but they are starting to be accepted as our understanding of them increases. I think the same thing will happen with people on the spectrum. As more and more people are exposed to aspies and learn more about the condition their understanding will increase and they won't think we are so weird. Let's keep in mind that most people don't even know what asperger's is.... They just think we are weirdos or a-holes.

Up until a few years ago, I don't think anyone had a clue what Asperger's was. I think the internet has helped better educate people about these types of things. Better education = better understanding.

Much as I hate to say this, it's their earning potential! If an AS person is some sort of brilliant savant with all the right skills and traits to earn a good living regardless of the social stuff, they are desirable. If they are kind, honest, reasonably nice looking, and intelligent but have never done well career wise (because if you're smart you should be rich, right?) they are not desirable. The other reasons mentioned above factor in but I'd bet a ton that this one outweighs the others, as it factors the most in almost every aspect of all lives in any civilized society. (And, yes, there is something "different" about many...like the guy who bitterly complained he did all the right things to get a relationship and didn't have one...someone said he was thinking of it as a software problem...he put in X and should have produced X result...when it was a hardware problem...him!)

lol.

They probably would've noticed. NTs usually assume people with "mental-disorders" are just another NT unless they're a crazy Motherf***er, or have down-syndrome.

I don't think it's got anything to do with unattractiveness... conventionally unattractive people find love (or get laid, depending on your goals) all the time. Think about how relationships start, or even how one-night stands start... usually with small talk, which most of us really suck at. At least, I know I suck at it. Most of us can talk for literally hours about the things we're interested in, but our interests really don't have much intersection at all with those of your average NT (I know of very few Aspies that have a particular passion for shopping, Kim Kardashian, doing nothing, whatever the hell else NTs are into these days). Most to all of my friends and my few romantic encounters are either other known Aspies or at least weird NTs, most of which I suspect may be undiagnosed Aspies.

Which leads me to believe it's a simple matter of statistics. Aspies are less likely to find someone we can relate to simply because there are fewer of those people in existence. It's not that we're too boring, it's that we're too interesting, and I think that freaks out a majority of the human race, who are boring people.

I agree -- and sometimes, some of the lack of social skills (genuine cluelessness) can come across as somewhat scary. A guy (on the spectrum) I'd gone out with a few times but didn't really "click" with and wasn't interested in seeing again after three or four dates called me 100s and 100s of times wanting to know why.

Physically, the guy was pretty cute. I don't think he meant to scare the heck out of me.

Yes, I see it that way from my perspective. The funny thing is that you can be successful, yet still be alone because people only want you for what you have (material things & money), not for who you are as a person. That is almost as bad as just being alone. Sure, you may like the attention at first, but eventually you will get tired of it once you see the truth for yourself. If you are too shallow of a person, you will likely not see it that way and assume that they are there only for you, when they are really not.

High intelligence can be a curse sometimes. There is no guarantee that it will lead to a successful career or large amounts of money. It just means that you potentially have the tools to think at a high level, that is all. You still have to be able to use those tools in such a way as to make your career of choice successful. Some of the smartest people are also the most unhappy in life due to the lack of this ability.

There's an easy solution to not having folks take advantage of you due to your money/possessions -- don't let them. Unless you tell them, there's no way for new people you meet to know of your wealth/stuff.

When you meet s new potential love interest, invite them on fun-but-cheap dates -- so if they keep seeing you, it's for YOU (not fancy restaurants, baubles, etc).

Good advice. As soon as people find out that you have some money, or anything useful to them, they will want it. Remember, if you tell one person, you might as well tell everybody, because people "talk".

A female friend {no, not my new GF because she lives with her BF} is OK with me being an Aspie. However, from personal experience, my Aspie-hating, control freak family thinks of themselves as better than everyone else.

However, my ex-GF thought of me having Aspergers as a reason to make sure the relationship we were in went to pieces. As many people have said before, be careful who you decide to be in a relationship with.

Thanks for all of the feedback and for clearing some things up for me. What prompted me to ask this question had to do with some pictures I found when visiting my Dad's house a couple of weeks ago. They were taken around the 1991-1992 time period during my time in graduate school. This was a low point in my relationship life (not that there had been much of a high point prior to that), when I went for 6 years without a date or relationship. At that time I was out of shape, weighed more than I do today, and was still drinking and smoking pot (I have been clean and sober for 21 years now).

I figured my horrible social life must have been due to being physically unattractive. I showed these photos to my wife and she said that I didn't look so bad. Yes, I weighed more, that was obvious, but I wasn't obese. Someone else I showed them to said basically the same thing.

That is what confused me. People telling me that I wasn't that unattractive, but I was being treated like I was. It helps to know some of the other things that were going against me. I was pretty socially anxious around females, got better with age, especially when alcohol was thrown into the mix. I am still not that great at small talk, but also do not ramble on about my special interests either. I actually don't talk about them that much and try to avoid the topic with most people as they are pretty nerdy areas.

What are your "nerdy" interests? One of mine is the 1381 Peasants' Rebellion.

This is a harsh question, but what about the average aspie would a normal person want in a partner? We are very, very different, and we can be difficult to understand.

Lots of things: knowledge, steadiness, a dry sense of humor.

We are not as different as you think we are.

I've been told something to that effect, almost verbatim by a guy who constantly looked over me for years. I guess other women know better how to hook a man. I have no idea what I'm doing so differently, except that I need more alone time. I've been told that i'm hard to read as well.

Ive told myself that maybe if I found a man I really liked, I'd want less alone time. I don't know how true that is. I tried to be that girlfriend, but looking but it was very soul crushing for me. I imagine if a guy is used to women who always want to talk on the phone, always want to be around, spend every weekend with him, go out every weekend to bars and clubs, it would be difficult to understand someone who is quite the opposite.

I too take awhile to reply. I like to think about what I say. I'm very gaffe prone. So I guess I either gaffe/offend or people think i'm ignoring them or what not.