Does she like me? What should I do?

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My bad, I had to be more clearer: What bothers me about the boundaries is that I am not at all comfortable with sharing to that extent unless I like the person & the person likes me back as well or know them from a long, long time.

I am a little confused. Isn't there an etiquette that people maintain(like how much they get involved with the other person depends on what level(acquaintance, friend, romantically inclined) they are-interested-in/like them)?



Have tried this. She does not want to talk to me about this subject.

To me it appears like a game as well. But I have seen her be genuinely honest(she stammers when she starts talking about things that are touchy to her) with me. So, the confusion.

Sometimes neurodiverse people share things they shouldn't share according to the norms.



Of course there is. In your case, she is either not aware of that etiquette, or she ignores it with you. Hard to say which of it is.



That makes sense. There probably was some kind of problem in her previous relationship so she don't want to talk about it, and also don't want to talk about how she feels about you romantically because of that.



I would have continued to play the game unless I had some other girl I had more interest in. She clearly is neurodiverse, and you seem to be a good match, so there is a potential for something good to emerge. Even if it is a game for now, that might change in the future.

Weird. Potential for so many problems here.


hmmm...


I have no other girl in mind. Yes, it does look like a good match. I have not not yet decided what I want to do. Need to give it some thought.

My answer is just based on personal opinion
I kinda used to do that with a guy but unlike the girl you mentioned, i did want to move to something more.
From what you said and what I know, she seems to treat you like a safe place, making you conscious that you are one(telling she only had one friend like that blabla)
She i showing you the dresses, shopping, cooking, treating you at a superficial level like she would have some sort of a stable relationship with you(be it friendship or something else)
so I think there are 2 options:
1.she is either treating you like a romantic partner but refusing to let you actually be one, keeping everything only at this superficial level(for different reasons)or
2. she considers you a very good friend(like her childhood one) and wants to keep things these way, therefore ignoring your attempts.

If she said no to the date....than this points more to the second option.
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No, not all girls are like that.
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It's your choice...it's your choice where to say stop. If you don't want her to continue this game, you can end it.
But if it took you one month to bring up the subject of your text...I don't know if you would consider being up front to her.. like: This is how I feel. Your game bothers me and I would like you to be more honest about this subject with me, since you consider me as such a good friend...
I know you wouldn't do that to such a close friend but I am concerned that I am getting my heart played up with so your behavior worries me
I was really hoping we could explore and expand our relationship but you don't seem to want that even if you understood what I aim for.
make her say everything(I mean she can spurt super personal stuff but plays on safe ground when it comes to you? that's pretty unfair
( and you can use all sorts of subtle and less subtle messages of bringing her to the subject )
you can do that or ....or just draw back in your shell.. again it's your choice

( my advice is ...well consider it with care lol )

Thanks for the reply.

Ya i was bending towards the friend thing. Ya, what she doing, I think it is unfair(towards me).

From about a couple of meets, she is being complementing, physical(touches etc.) more than usual. So, still need to give some thought and get things settled in my head. Probably will be taking any kind of action in the coming week. I definitely will be having a straight talk.
Thanks for mentions that "No, not all girls are like that.".

This is interesting. I've had similar kinds of things happen to me.

I'm personally interested in what some of the WP women here think about this theory, and the reason I bring it up is it is hard to know sometimes just what boundaries are appropriate and what men can/can't do with women. So here goes…

My theory is she's attracted to you. She's definitely interested, which is obvious by how she acts versus what she says. That's why it's so confusing. This kind of girl strikes me as a user, which is why she keeps coming back.

This is what I really want others' opinions on--she says she doesn't want a relationship with you, right? But her actions are contrary to her words? OK…take it at face value, if this is the case. Let her hang around. She's not interested in a RELATIONSHIP, i.e. she's commitment-shy at the moment. She wants the benefits of relationships without all the strings. So give her what she wants.

This is what I would do, and please, please, PLEASE someone correct me if I'm wrong here: I'd tell her in no uncertain terms, and I'd be blunt about it, that I find her highly attractive and I enjoy it when she talks about certain things. So she can still hang around as long as she understands things MIGHT tend to get carried away. If she's, like, meh…whatever…I'd try to kiss her. I've had a brief fling with one girl and a beautiful LTR with another that started out this way. My thinking is she hangs out with you and insists on hanging out with you because you make her feel good about herself. Well, you know, ALL women (and men, too) do this for the same reason. It's not unreasonable or unexpected that someone in that position go all quid pro quo on another person.

That doesn't make her your girlfriend, although in practical terms she really is, and you are well aware that one of you could walk away from this thing at any time. But if it builds into a pattern of exclusivity, you both might have to break down and admit you're really together and you really are committed to each other.

Admittedly, this MAY not be the best advice, and I'm personally interested in what others think about this. Keep us posted--you have an interesting situation.

you're welcome bromide...

and
you might be right Angel...
I recognized the desire to have the benefits of a relationship without all the strings. It might be related to her previous relationship.
That's why maybe it would be better for bromide's emotional safety to find out what happened...

I also think Angel is on the right track. I think that is a plausible hypothesis for her behavior, especially if her former relationship didn't go well.

Sounds like so much of a drag. I think I will concentrate on one of my hobbies instead. lol

I understand what you are mentioning. I do really like her. But, I wonder whether its all worth it. This may be stemming from the fact that I have not been in a relationship before. I might not fully understand the plus points of having one as I am independent to a large extent.

But, I do want to experience a full fledged committed monogamous relationship with a person who likes me.

I am surprised when you mention to know people do this just make themselves fell better. What I mean to say is, If I have to feel better I usually concentrate on something that I was finding difficult and once I accomplish it, it makes me feel better.

Waiting for whether is the whole point I think. What makes me wonder is, if person does not know what he/she wants even after a period of 8 months with that amount of pure conversation/sharing, whats the point to it.

Do people usually take more time to understand what they want? I have seen relationships take off in a span of 6 months and last to the point of marriage.

Thanks for the words.

That looks so selfish. Whatever happened in her previous relationship. It is not good to take a person who is being nice to you for granted. This is how I treat people I am in contact with. Don't you guys think that this perspective is right? People do not behave like this?

Yes, I am concerned with my emotional safety. I have never had a good personal life.

"Do people usually take more time to understand what they want? I have seen relationships take off in a span of 6 months and last to the point of marriage."
when it comes to relationships? neaah.. they're very impatient usually:D


"That looks so selfish. Whatever happened in her previous relationship. It is not good to take a person who is being nice to you for granted. This is how I treat people I am in contact with. Don't you guys think that this perspective is right? People do not behave like this?"

It is selfish>.< and not very considerate of you

Oh Okay.


Oh. I have been called blunt/inconsiderate aplenty of times . One of aspergian trait I guess.

Well…yes…YOU would focus on hobbies, etc. You don't feel you NEED anyone, since you already described yourself as independent.

What you're missing is that MOST people are attracted to other people because they feel some weird need to feel important. The two things people care about most in life is money and sexual gratification. It's all very Freudian. That's why she hangs out with you. You make her feel special. You COULD threaten to take this away and pressure her into committing, but that's pretty artificial--and besides, she already knows you're bluffing because you've tried this before. So…just give her what she wants and lay on her your feelings that she will have to expect you'll want SOMETHING in return. Nothing scares a woman away faster than unwelcome physical intimacy, so experiment with the little things…deep kissing at a minimum. At the very least it'll take some of the edge off her rebound as well as your own frustration over how she treats you exacerbated by your lack of experience.

And about lack of experience…don't sweat it…this is how you GET experience. Trust me on that.

Actually…lol…no, DON'T trust me. Give it a shot and see what happens. Prove me wrong. I actually love it when people prove me wrong…lol. If you try to kiss her and she runs away, then you don't have to deal with her anymore. If she kisses you back at least, or at most that leads to other things, then you have a gf by default. It may not last, of course, but it's an easy first step. Enjoy the ride.

Something people like to do that makes them feel important is teach others, especially if it's something they're passionate about. If you're lamenting lack of experience in a relationship, just ask her to show you what it's like to be in the kind of relationship she really wants to be in. Everything from basic human decency all the way down to physical intimacy and even sex if that's something you want in the picture.


Heck if I know… Who actually KNOWS what they want? The thing is, if you want to get anywhere in life, relational, career, education, whatever, and you want a sure shot at winning at it, you have to set your mind early on and keep plugging at it. I always idolized 80's hair bands. I wanted to BE those guys. I wasn't athletic, wasn't all that bright, and took piano lessons so all the women in my family would back off. Mom let me quit after about 5 months. I didn't feel it was really going anywhere. Then I took up clarinet. By the time I got out of high school I was among the top clarinet players in the state and was competitive through college (never won any big honors, but I was aggressive and I didn't suck). Got a master's degree in composition. At the moment I'm going through an ambient/electronica phase and tinkering around with dubstep. Play in a classic rock band in restaurants/bars every now and then, and I get a fair amount of wedding gigs, cocktail/jazz lounge-style piano for private engagements, etc. It's not exactly selling out arenas, but it's the realization of a vision I had back in 6th grade when I first played clarinet…and what made it such a strong vision for me was that it was the first time in my life I was actually GOOD at something. So I never let it go, and likely never will.

People know what they want more than they're willing to admit, I think. It's just that we're encouraged to try so many different things, be good at everything, and that our parents don't really set us on any kind of path for discovery. I do the opposite for my kids--I go ahead and set the course FOR them. They ARE musicians, and I determined they WOULD BE musicians from the start. It's something I excelled at that I can give them as a gift, and what they do with it and where they go in life, music or otherwise, is entirely up to them. But make no mistake, they are being groomed for awesomeness, and we shouldn't expect any less of ourselves if we want to make it anywhere.

Same goes for relationships. You want to know what people want out of a relationship? Look at the relationships they're in. They may say they want to be drama-free, but I say once-drama-always-drama. You may actually make it into a drama-free relationship, but then you find stability is boring. So you leave the boring guy and pursue the dangerous guy, only to figure out he likes drama. So do you REALLY want to be drama free? Maybe, but not enough to give up all the cool stuff that goes with it. You're just not ready. Some people would just be safer staying single.

Now, admittedly, I'm going to wide extremes here, and reality is usually somewhere in the middle. She's safe and comfortable with you…heck, no, she doesn't know what she wants, but I doubt she's actually given it any genuine thought. Just settle for giving her what she wants RIGHT NOW and you'll do ok.

ow I didn't know other girls are scared of that too. cool

*pats Bromi
<- no experience in relationships either

Catrin, you are TOO CUTE!

I've had a lot of bad dating experiences. I know this. I've got more creep vibe in my little finger than any other male WPer here. The few women who let me get close enough to them for anything were typically really desperate or downright psychotic. Sometimes I could tell something was wrong if I COULDN'T get rid of them. But more often if they let me go that far with them, my chances were usually pretty good for at the very least FWB.

I can only really speak from the male perspective…it works the other way around, too. If you want a guy to second-guess you in the long term, throw yourself at him. Nothing kills your chance at romance like a one-night fling.

I wouldn't do that to a neurodiverse girl. At least not the variant using the tongue. He might try with non-tongue kissing or probably better, affectionate hugging.



I would never place relationships in that category. They must be special, and if they follow NT-social rules similar to careers, I would know for sure I'm on the wrong track.



Disagree. I don't "want" things from relationships. What I want is the strong attachment, and nothing else.

Last edited by rdos on 03 Apr 2015, 3:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.