ATTN Nice Guys: You could learn a lot rom Ferris Bueller!

Page 1 of 1 [ 15 posts ] 

Lazar_Kaganovich
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 27 Dec 2014
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 412

30 Mar 2015, 1:48 pm

Anyone else seen the 1986 teen movie classic "Ferris Bueller's day off"? Sure you have! 8)

In any case, the secondary character Cameron Frye is classic example of a Trademark nice guy. And Ferris really hits the nail on the head when he describes Cameron's romantic future after Cameron freaks out with a prolonged yell when he sees the additional mileage that Ferris put on his father's prized Ferrari and then goes catatonic(where he thinks long and hard about his life and what he's doing wrong with it). While staring into the camera, Ferris says:

Quote:
Cameron has never been in love before....Or at least nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays. And she's gonna treat him like s**t! Because she will have given him, what he has built up in his mind, as the end all, be all of human existence. She won't respect him. 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.



I learned this the hard way, but however you do it it's a vital lesson about life and love!



charcoalsketches
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 13 Mar 2013
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 202
Location: Boston

30 Mar 2015, 2:26 pm

It's like I have learned: nice guys finish last because they are the first person to give up the finish line. Directness and interesting qualities push you towards that line with a quickness.

You know the funny part about the nice guy thing? That's the kind of stuff that we learn from our mothers. After all, if she got married (which I assume nice people want), then she must know a thing or two about what women want, right? While understandable, it's a risky idea to follow advice from different generation gaps. After all, our parents may be a bit conservative in their time, and the upcoming generation is a little less so. Especially when it comes to what nice people really want: true love or merely some good sex.

They don't always realize that it is beginning to be a brand new day for people, and it's not enough to simply be nice anymore.

I feel like I said some of this before somewhere, but think it bears repeating.


_________________
I'm not strange. I'm just drawn that way. That being said, work on your drawing skills already!


MollyTroubletail
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,185
Location: Canada

30 Mar 2015, 2:38 pm

Heck to other women, I love nice guys and won't have anything to do with flaky Ferris Beuler types of guys.



charcoalsketches
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 13 Mar 2013
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 202
Location: Boston

30 Mar 2015, 3:51 pm

This sentiment is almost echoed through early to mid Two and a Half Men. Alan is the nice guy who gets little respect from women (rather, his wife), and Charlie mostly gets the women.


_________________
I'm not strange. I'm just drawn that way. That being said, work on your drawing skills already!


Bentastic197
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 13 Feb 2014
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 83
Location: New Hope, MN

30 Mar 2015, 4:35 pm

Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
Anyone else seen the 1986 teen movie classic "Ferris Bueller's day off"? Sure you have! 8)

In any case, the secondary character Cameron Frye is classic example of a Trademark nice guy. And Ferris really hits the nail on the head when he describes Cameron's romantic future after Cameron freaks out with a prolonged yell when he sees the additional mileage that Ferris put on his father's prized Ferrari and then goes catatonic(where he thinks long and hard about his life and what he's doing wrong with it). While staring into the camera, Ferris says:

Quote:
Cameron has never been in love before....Or at least nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays. And she's gonna treat him like s**t! Because she will have given him, what he has built up in his mind, as the end all, be all of human existence. She won't respect him. 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.



I learned this the hard way, but however you do it it's a vital lesson about life and love!


Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this article saying that in order to get women, you have to be an a-hole or a D-Bag? If so then you are wrong.



Lazar_Kaganovich
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 27 Dec 2014
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 412

30 Mar 2015, 4:43 pm

MollyTroubletail wrote:
Heck to other women, I love nice guys and won't have anything to do with flaky Ferris Beuler types of guys.



Depends on what you mean by "nice". After all......the way to get what you want from people is to pay less attention to what they say and more attention to what they respond to. :wink:

Bentastic197 wrote:

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this article saying that in order to get women, you have to be an a-hole or a D-Bag? If so then you are wrong.


You're incorrect. This isn't from any article, it's from a movie(Ferris Bueller's day off). I remember that line and when I saw it as a kid it didn't make a whole lotta sense but now as a grown man I see that it's spot on. You don't need to be a D-bag/a_hole, but you definitely cannot be a brown-noser or she'll walk all over you and dump you.



Venger
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,519

30 Mar 2015, 5:08 pm

Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
You don't need to be a D-bag/a_hole, but you definitely cannot be a brown-noser or she'll walk all over you and dump you.


That's called being an "assertive-guy" which is a concept that almost never gets mentioned on here, at least by name.



Bentastic197
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 13 Feb 2014
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 83
Location: New Hope, MN

30 Mar 2015, 6:27 pm

Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
MollyTroubletail wrote:
Heck to other women, I love nice guys and won't have anything to do with flaky Ferris Beuler types of guys.



Depends on what you mean by "nice". After all......the way to get what you want from people is to pay less attention to what they say and more attention to what they respond to. :wink:

Bentastic197 wrote:

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this article saying that in order to get women, you have to be an a-hole or a D-Bag? If so then you are wrong.


You're incorrect. This isn't from any article, it's from a movie(Ferris Bueller's day off). I remember that line and when I saw it as a kid it didn't make a whole lotta sense but now as a grown man I see that it's spot on. You don't need to be a D-bag/a_hole, but you definitely cannot be a brown-noser or she'll walk all over you and dump you.


Was just saying what it sounded like to me initially. I believe you are trying to say that a nice guy should be assertive at times, in which I can be. However I feel guilty whenever I am because of some weird reason



charcoalsketches
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 13 Mar 2013
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 202
Location: Boston

30 Mar 2015, 7:10 pm

Bentastic197 wrote:
Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
MollyTroubletail wrote:
Heck to other women, I love nice guys and won't have anything to do with flaky Ferris Beuler types of guys.



Depends on what you mean by "nice". After all......the way to get what you want from people is to pay less attention to what they say and more attention to what they respond to. :wink:

Bentastic197 wrote:

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this article saying that in order to get women, you have to be an a-hole or a D-Bag? If so then you are wrong.


You're incorrect. This isn't from any article, it's from a movie(Ferris Bueller's day off). I remember that line and when I saw it as a kid it didn't make a whole lotta sense but now as a grown man I see that it's spot on. You don't need to be a D-bag/a_hole, but you definitely cannot be a brown-noser or she'll walk all over you and dump you.


Was just saying what it sounded like to me initially. I believe you are trying to say that a nice guy should be assertive at times, in which I can be. However I feel guilty whenever I am because of some weird reason


If the guilt comes from hurting feelings while being direct and assertive, that comes with the territory. It's about being mindful of when it is a good time to be sensitive because it is too easy sometimes to mistake that for being an ahole.


_________________
I'm not strange. I'm just drawn that way. That being said, work on your drawing skills already!


Bentastic197
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 13 Feb 2014
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 83
Location: New Hope, MN

30 Mar 2015, 9:03 pm

charcoalsketches wrote:
Bentastic197 wrote:
Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
MollyTroubletail wrote:
Heck to other women, I love nice guys and won't have anything to do with flaky Ferris Beuler types of guys.



Depends on what you mean by "nice". After all......the way to get what you want from people is to pay less attention to what they say and more attention to what they respond to. :wink:

Bentastic197 wrote:

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this article saying that in order to get women, you have to be an a-hole or a D-Bag? If so then you are wrong.


You're incorrect. This isn't from any article, it's from a movie(Ferris Bueller's day off). I remember that line and when I saw it as a kid it didn't make a whole lotta sense but now as a grown man I see that it's spot on. You don't need to be a D-bag/a_hole, but you definitely cannot be a brown-noser or she'll walk all over you and dump you.


Was just saying what it sounded like to me initially. I believe you are trying to say that a nice guy should be assertive at times, in which I can be. However I feel guilty whenever I am because of some weird reason[/q
If the guilt comes from hurting feelings while being direct and assertive, that comes with the territory. It's about being mindful of when it is a good time to be sensitive because it is too easy sometimes to mistake that for being an ahole.


Whenever I am assertive, I feel like an a-hole even when I am not being an a-hole



Aspie1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,749
Location: United States

31 Mar 2015, 2:37 pm

Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
Quote:
Cameron has never been in love before....Or at least nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays. And she's gonna treat him like s**t! Because she will have given him, what he has built up in his mind, as the end all, be all of human existence. She won't respect him. 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.
I learned this the hard way, but however you do it it's a vital lesson about life and love!

This hits home for me. When I was 18, a girl showed real romantic interest in me, for the first time in my life. I was so touched by it, that I fell in love with her hard and fast, despite not finding her physically attractive. While I wasn't thinking about marrying her, I definitely planned on having a long-term committed relationship, and figured she'd grow on me. Doubts started to creep in, as I spent more time with her and started to find her kind of boring too (she did not share almost any of my likes or dislikes). But I "knew" she could be the only girl to ever like me and I had no right to be picky, be it about looks or interests, so I decided to pursue a relationship with her anyway. After all, a nice girl and a nice guy would be a match made in heaven, looks or interests be damned. Right?

Wrong! When I took her to a dance event two months later, she didn't want to dance close in an embrace. We didn't do anything beyond hugging during those two months (red flag), which I attributed to her wanting to take things slow and was willing to be patient. That's when I realized she no longer liked me or never liked me in the first place, and fell out of love with her just as quickly. I never fell in love again with anyone else ever since.



alex
Developer
Developer

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jun 2004
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,214
Location: Beverly Hills, CA

31 Mar 2015, 3:05 pm

I think the reason the term "nice guy" confuses people on the spectrum is due to the fact that we are generally very literal. We hear the term "nice guy" and assume that always means "a guy who is nice" which would be the literal definition of the term. However, "nice guy" has a totally different connotation when it is used in this context. It refers to a guy who seems "nice" but is actually a doormat and has no self-respect.

When a woman says she wants a "nice guy" she doesn't mean that she is attracted to one of the guys I just described as a doormat. What she means is that she wishes the guys she is already attracted to would be nicer to her. So a "nice guy" (the doormat) hears a woman say "I wish I had a nice guy" and then he gets resentful that she is with a guy who isn't a nice guy instead of him.

So the term means different things depending on the context.


_________________
I'm Alex Plank, the founder of Wrong Planet. Follow me (Alex Plank) on Blue Sky: https://bsky.app/profile/alexplank.bsky.social


Lazar_Kaganovich
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 27 Dec 2014
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 412

31 Mar 2015, 5:01 pm

alex wrote:
I think the reason the term "nice guy" confuses people on the spectrum is due to the fact that we are generally very literal. We hear the term "nice guy" and assume that always means "a guy who is nice" which would be the literal definition of the term. However, "nice guy" has a totally different connotation when it is used in this context. It refers to a guy who seems "nice" but is actually a doormat and has no self-respect.

When a woman says she wants a "nice guy" she doesn't mean that she is attracted to one of the guys I just described as a doormat. What she means is that she wishes the guys she is already attracted to would be nicer to her. So a "nice guy" (the doormat) hears a woman say "I wish I had a nice guy" and then he gets resentful that she is with a guy who isn't a nice guy instead of him.

So the term means different things depending on the context.



Nice new look ya got there Alex! 8)



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,872
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

01 Apr 2015, 1:46 am

I am not a nice guy, f**k you Ferris whatever.



Venger
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,519

01 Apr 2015, 8:32 am

Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
In any case, the secondary character Cameron Frye is classic example of a Trademark nice guy.



He's also the most wussy captain of the Enterprise(by far) as shown in "Star Trek:Generations".