I dont want to have friends, I just want a relationship
23 May 2015, 1:51 pm
Well, for me I got 15-20 dates (and about 8-10 second & third dates), 2 relationships and now one that is probably going to lead to marriage (yes, I say that after just 3 months as she is a dream catch). Sure, online dating is far from ideal but OKCupid got me one crazy BPD relationship and two first dates. The simple fact is that while "free" sounds good in theory it just promotes a throwaway mentality. The women on eHarmony know that by paying you are serious about finding love and are less likely to be a predator and I can tell you from multiple women I dated that women vastly outnumber men! I still hate that you cannot tell who is a paid subscriber though.
You are going to get rejected a lot no matter if you are God himself so you might as well get used to it. Doesn't matter what site you use: many online daters are simply very ambivalent and it has nothing to do with you at all. I spend hundreds of dollars on eHarmony over the years, faced more rejection than I did in school and it looks like it was WELL worth it. We would have never met in real life and I would have assumed she was married anyway. Oh, and I should also mention she was a flex match who did NOT meet my age parameters so keep an open mind.
eharmony is for upper middle class people. not poor lower class people. by paying it shows you ahve a good job and thats what the women there want.
from what I gather you have a decent job and look decent. so it works for you as you are the client tale. I would go homeless and starve paying for eharmony and they'd reject me because I have no job unless a decent one. glad it works for you and I'm sure it would work wonders for any other upper/middle class apsies. its just not for anyone not working a decent job.
as for okcupid being throw away. all dating sites are like that. people view dating sites the same as window shopping. they have tons of options so they can play around til they find the one they like best, problem is then another one comes they like slightly better and so on. still plenty of people have had just as good results from okcupid as eharmony. I got 7 dates from okcupid
if eharmony really wanted to attract people like me they'd lower their prices, but they wont' they're a upper middle class dating site. christian singles is a upper middle class site for christians. they work similar to gyms. get people to pay super high prices and hope they have low success rates or they'll stop paying. if everyone on eharmony found marriage then the site would go out of business its in their best interest to keep people single.
oh since people pay so much to be there, it should allow those they message to reply for free. maybe they'd scare less people away from their site.
there was one site that worked that way if a subscribed member messaged you you could talk back. since why pay s**t ton of money if you can't talk to them.
My sister met her now-husband on eharmony last year -- with a coupon it cost her less than $60 for three months. Seems reasonable to me.
Expecting a potential date to be self-supporting isn't unreasonable. It's also not the same thing as expecting a potential date to be rich, pay for everything and have a polo pony existence.
23 May 2015, 6:28 pm
eharmony is for upper middle class people. not poor lower class people. by paying it shows you ahve a good job and thats what the women there want.
from what I gather you have a decent job and look decent. so it works for you as you are the client tale. I would go homeless and starve paying for eharmony and they'd reject me because I have no job unless a decent one. glad it works for you and I'm sure it would work wonders for any other upper/middle class apsies. its just not for anyone not working a decent job.
as for okcupid being throw away. all dating sites are like that. people view dating sites the same as window shopping. they have tons of options so they can play around til they find the one they like best, problem is then another one comes they like slightly better and so on. still plenty of people have had just as good results from okcupid as eharmony. I got 7 dates from okcupid
if eharmony really wanted to attract people like me they'd lower their prices, but they wont' they're a upper middle class dating site. christian singles is a upper middle class site for christians. they work similar to gyms. get people to pay super high prices and hope they have low success rates or they'll stop paying. if everyone on eharmony found marriage then the site would go out of business its in their best interest to keep people single.
oh since people pay so much to be there, it should allow those they message to reply for free. maybe they'd scare less people away from their site.
there was one site that worked that way if a subscribed member messaged you you could talk back. since why pay s**t ton of money if you can't talk to them.
My sister met her now-husband on eharmony last year -- with a coupon it cost her less than $60 for three months. Seems reasonable to me.
Expecting a potential date to be self-supporting isn't unreasonable. It's also not the same thing as expecting a potential date to be rich, pay for everything and have a polo pony existence.
self supporting = pays all their bills and surviving.
what most women thing self supporting = vacations to hawaii, europe, nice car, big house, tons of electronics. etc.
theres a difference with ssi I am self supporting. but they don't' mean the actual definition.
which is why eharmony is for middle class who have the second meaning.
also they'll havinga free weekend and so i went back to try but nope same message except they won't even let me log in anymore
We're sorry —
we are unable to find the
right type of people for you
This does not reflect on you personally or your chances of
finding a happy relationship. Thank you for trying eHarmony;
we wish you the best in finding a great relationship.
23 May 2015, 7:27 pm
Sigh...
I know the feeling..
Hang in there.
Something will happen..
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sorrowfairiewhisper
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Joined: 17 Feb 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 837
Location: United Kingdom Dorset
23 May 2015, 7:32 pm
I can sort of relate to this.
I wouldn't enter a relationship for the sake of not wanting to be single or enter one for all the wrong reasons, neither should anyone really but yeah, I'd rather had a bf who is also my best friend but I haven't met anyone that I've truly feel a connection with yet.
If it's any consolation many people feel like that too, it's more common then you realise.
I think first of all, continue with your studies, gain confidence, try to meet more people and the rest will follow
by making friends with people, you might find that one person, who might end up being your gf.
Good luck
RetroGamer87
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Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,970
Location: Adelaide, Australia
23 May 2015, 11:25 pm
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The days are long, but the years are short
sorrowfairiewhisper
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Joined: 17 Feb 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 837
Location: United Kingdom Dorset
24 May 2015, 6:26 am
From what I've seen, many people that have relationships even NT
have messed up relations, just because a lot of people are dating or are married, doesn't mean they're happy.
It's better to be alone and miserable then with someone and miserable, at least on your own, you have more control of your life decisions. Plus being single means you don't have to worry about explaining having AS and worry about being accepted as not many people are accepting, even though no ones perfect.
24 May 2015, 11:18 am
I want a girlfriend too. I'm young and super horny. I just can't talk to women at all. I look like some short socially awkward ret*d. I swear, i'm gonna go f****n crazy. No girls like me at all and i'm too scared to talk to girls. It sucks!
God damn, why the f**k do women like to talk so much? Small talk definitely isn't my forte.
sorrowfairiewhisper
Veteran
Joined: 17 Feb 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 837
Location: United Kingdom Dorset
29 May 2015, 5:36 pm
eharmony is for upper middle class people. not poor lower class people. by paying it shows you ahve a good job and thats what the women there want.
from what I gather you have a decent job and look decent. so it works for you as you are the client tale. I would go homeless and starve paying for eharmony and they'd reject me because I have no job unless a decent one. glad it works for you and I'm sure it would work wonders for any other upper/middle class apsies. its just not for anyone not working a decent job.
as for okcupid being throw away. all dating sites are like that. people view dating sites the same as window shopping. they have tons of options so they can play around til they find the one they like best, problem is then another one comes they like slightly better and so on. still plenty of people have had just as good results from okcupid as eharmony. I got 7 dates from okcupid
if eharmony really wanted to attract people like me they'd lower their prices, but they wont' they're a upper middle class dating site. christian singles is a upper middle class site for christians. they work similar to gyms. get people to pay super high prices and hope they have low success rates or they'll stop paying. if everyone on eharmony found marriage then the site would go out of business its in their best interest to keep people single.
oh since people pay so much to be there, it should allow those they message to reply for free. maybe they'd scare less people away from their site.
there was one site that worked that way if a subscribed member messaged you you could talk back. since why pay s**t ton of money if you can't talk to them.
My sister met her now-husband on eharmony last year -- with a coupon it cost her less than $60 for three months. Seems reasonable to me.
Expecting a potential date to be self-supporting isn't unreasonable. It's also not the same thing as expecting a potential date to be rich, pay for everything and have a polo pony existence.
self supporting = pays all their bills and surviving.
what most women thing self supporting = vacations to hawaii, europe, nice car, big house, tons of electronics. etc.
theres a difference with ssi I am self supporting. but they don't' mean the actual definition.
which is why eharmony is for middle class who have the second meaning.
also they'll havinga free weekend and so i went back to try but nope same message except they won't even let me log in anymore
We're sorry —
we are unable to find the
right type of people for you
This does not reflect on you personally or your chances of
finding a happy relationship. Thank you for trying eHarmony;
we wish you the best in finding a great relationship.
My personal definition of self-supporting is lives on their own, earns enough to save a bit for emergencies/retirement and to enjoy life (a hobby, the occasional vacation).
sorrowfairiewhisper
Veteran
Joined: 17 Feb 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 837
Location: United Kingdom Dorset
29 Jun 2018, 8:52 am
You don't want just a relationship and no friends. What if the relationship ends? You'll be completely alone and i've been there and that guy I was dating was very lonley too so we continued to stay friends after the relationship was over but it didn't work in the long run, I guess old feelings were still lingering so when we went our separate ways completely life wasn't very fun. Just very, very lonley.
And even as a lonley person myself I know i'd prefer to date a guy with at least a few close friends, or just one close friend that he'd hang out with. For me it's important that both people in the relationship has a life of their own, not just depending on their partner and shutting everything else out. That's not healthy behavior either and not fair to any partner or to yourself. You can never trust that a relationship is forever.
I've had huge issue making friends as well. Can admit that it's entirely my fault for getting too anxious and feeling like I always have to be available to those friends even when my energy is too low which it often is. I'm trying to change that though but can't say it's easy but most things in life aren't at first. I think it's just all about finding the right people to befriend! Either other aspies or NTs who are similar to you in personality and can understand you and those people do exist! Friendship can even lead to relationship in the future so try befriending a few girls, maybe you'll have luck with one of them and the rest could become great friends.
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