I dont want to have friends, I just want a relationship

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Not true. If everyone found married they'd have new customers before long. People aren't born married after all.When I was on eharmony I had a very low paying job yet I got lots of matches. I think the girls were poorer than I was because none of them bothered to subscribe.

A couple of years later, I found where all the upper middle class girls were hanging out. Oasis. Every girl over 25 had a professional job and every girl under 25 was either a uni student, a worker or both. Nearly all of them said, they wanted a guy with "ambition" or "direction" or "drive". That being their polite way of saying "no paupers".

Some of them weren't so polite, I remember one 18 year old girl said she wants "no lazy welfare bums". Since she was working full time, this was rude but not hypocritical of her. Some other profiles said that their man must have a car, his own place and a job (again, the girls who said this had those things also). Still, some of the profiles were written in such a way as to sound very demanding and terse.

It was reading through these profiles that triggered my quarter life crisis and made me quit my low paying job and seek a higher paying "normal job. It was reading through these profiles that made me want to be like "normal people", like on Oasis whereas before I'd paid little attention to what other people where doing and gave little thought to becoming like "normal people". It was this that made me hate myself for not being "normal". A few other disasters threw me into a bout of depression that lasted about a year.

It wasn't just that I thought a good job would attract girls, it was also that I wanted not only to attract them but also to be like them, as I took Oasis as a sample of the general population. It was this that started me comparing myself to everyone, something I didn't used to do much before.

So Sly, if you want to avoid the rich b*****s, avoid Oasis.

Try being friends with a girl first and then it might turn into something more.

Hey there again, just updating whats happened lately and need some kinda help in direction...

As of last week, I've finished 3 years of university. Ofcourse I felt really mixed and confused what to do. I also attended my cousins wedding. (I was wary of going because of, well, the reason of my post really) but am happy to say that it was okay and wasnt as bad as originally thought

Anyway, with the end of uni, I am having a few weeks break before I start the search for jobs. Sadly, because i live in a really bad town, it is hard to get any, and me wanting to be picky, well. I have no idea what to do, and dread about applying for job seekers (UK)

Now, I am mixed up in what to do, either progress in searching for a job or looking for a relationship (as in, dating sites) Ive had thoughts that maybe I wouldnt be able to cope with a relationship, and that I feel really shy and bad even searching though dating sites (and ofcourse ive never messaged, and never recieved one (which raises more questions) anyway, ive hid my profile on the sites im using for the forseeable future)

Sorry if it seems confusing, but, thats my thoughts

My sister met her now-husband on eharmony last year -- with a coupon it cost her less than $60 for three months. Seems reasonable to me.

Expecting a potential date to be self-supporting isn't unreasonable. It's also not the same thing as expecting a potential date to be rich, pay for everything and have a polo pony existence.

self supporting = pays all their bills and surviving.
what most women thing self supporting = vacations to hawaii, europe, nice car, big house, tons of electronics. etc.

theres a difference with ssi I am self supporting. but they don't' mean the actual definition.

which is why eharmony is for middle class who have the second meaning.

also they'll havinga free weekend and so i went back to try but nope same message except they won't even let me log in anymore

We're sorry —
we are unable to find the
right type of people for you
This does not reflect on you personally or your chances of
finding a happy relationship. Thank you for trying eHarmony;
we wish you the best in finding a great relationship.

was able to get around it wtih using another email. but its rather confusing site now and they don't show photos. and the profile layout is confusing.

Sigh...

I know the feeling..

Hang in there.

Something will happen..

I can sort of relate to this.

I wouldn't enter a relationship for the sake of not wanting to be single or enter one for all the wrong reasons, neither should anyone really but yeah, I'd rather had a bf who is also my best friend but I haven't met anyone that I've truly feel a connection with yet.

If it's any consolation many people feel like that too, it's more common then you realise.

I think first of all, continue with your studies, gain confidence, try to meet more people and the rest will follow

by making friends with people, you might find that one person, who might end up being your gf.

Good luck

That never works for me for some reason. The only thing for me that works is to hit the ground running. My inhibitions are stronger if it's a girl I'm already friends with.I don't want to celebrate other people's failures but I'm still sort of glad I'm not the only one in this boat. I would feel like an even bigger freak if I everyone in the world found someone except for me.

From what I've seen, many people that have relationships even NT
have messed up relations, just because a lot of people are dating or are married, doesn't mean they're happy.
It's better to be alone and miserable then with someone and miserable, at least on your own, you have more control of your life decisions. Plus being single means you don't have to worry about explaining having AS and worry about being accepted as not many people are accepting, even though no ones perfect.

Thats all I want too, but im simply too socially ret*d I fear.
A gf would be the ultimate friend, while fulfilling other needs too.

I want a girlfriend too. I'm young and super horny. I just can't talk to women at all. I look like some short socially awkward ret*d. I swear, i'm gonna go f****n crazy. No girls like me at all and i'm too scared to talk to girls. It sucks!

God damn, why the f**k do women like to talk so much? Small talk definitely isn't my forte.

I want a bf who is also my best friend
a man who wouldn't cheat on me, wouldn't physically hurt me
a guy who accepts me

it won't happen at least not anytime soon

I hope someday everyone gets what they want out of life

My personal definition of self-supporting is lives on their own, earns enough to save a bit for emergencies/retirement and to enjoy life (a hobby, the occasional vacation).

I can relate entirely to the post subject title

It's rare to find a loyal, monogamous, kind, truthful, sweet, sensitive man that i can relate with and connect with

You don't want just a relationship and no friends. What if the relationship ends? You'll be completely alone and i've been there and that guy I was dating was very lonley too so we continued to stay friends after the relationship was over but it didn't work in the long run, I guess old feelings were still lingering so when we went our separate ways completely life wasn't very fun. Just very, very lonley.
And even as a lonley person myself I know i'd prefer to date a guy with at least a few close friends, or just one close friend that he'd hang out with. For me it's important that both people in the relationship has a life of their own, not just depending on their partner and shutting everything else out. That's not healthy behavior either and not fair to any partner or to yourself. You can never trust that a relationship is forever.

I've had huge issue making friends as well. Can admit that it's entirely my fault for getting too anxious and feeling like I always have to be available to those friends even when my energy is too low which it often is. I'm trying to change that though but can't say it's easy but most things in life aren't at first. I think it's just all about finding the right people to befriend! Either other aspies or NTs who are similar to you in personality and can understand you and those people do exist! Friendship can even lead to relationship in the future so try befriending a few girls, maybe you'll have luck with one of them and the rest could become great friends.