How does she see me?

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There's this girl at work I like. Does she like me? I don't know. I want to know because I feel if the answer is yes and I'm not aware of it I could be missing out on another opportunity.

Back in December I asked her out for coffee on the weekend. Saturday at noon. She said yes. An hour before noon I texted to confirm she was coming. She said she was busy. Yet when I asked her out before, I started by asking her if she was busy on the weekend and she said she wasn't. I texted her the following Saturday and once again she was busy.

It was suggested that was her subtle way of telling me she didn't like me in that way. That maybe she just wanted to be friends. I wouldn't mind having her as a friend but I was just want to know how she sees me.

I speculated that perhaps she first thought I was asking her for a platonic meetup but then she figured out I'd asked her on an actual date and perhaps she wasn't into me so she said this to me as a way of letting me down gently.

I accepted it the time. I could accept it again, if only I knew for certain this was the truth. I keep on seeing evidence to the contrary.

For example, a couple of months ago, we were partnered on a project together and she kept on poking me gently in the arm and saying "tease". Was this flirting?

At the time I was dating so because I didn't want to be guilty of infidelity I did my best not to react. Few a few weeks I ignored girl-at-work. A month later, girl-I-was-dating went to Parramatta (literally). So in recent weeks I started talking to girl-at-work again.

Another example? Today as she sat across from me at the lunch table, she gave me this look. Like she leaned forward, rested her chin in her hand and stared right into me with a half-smile. Was that flirting?

Also, sometimes when she sees me, she says "hiii!" in this high-pitched, fluty, almost sing-song voice.

Now maybe she's just trying to be friendly. She chats with all the guys in our group in a friendly manner, mainly because she's the only girl in our group and she's not one to be antisocial (even though like me, she's aspie too).

If she's spent less time chatting with me, it's not because she tries to exclude me but because I'm a little bit shy of her. The more I like her, the more shy I get. Also our desks aren't close.

Now today, we both stayed a bit late. I said "you're still here?" she replied with "don't worry, I haven't left yet". This made me think that she knows I like her. But this doesn't tell me whether she likes me back.

So guys, what's the verdict? Do you think she likes me? Should I ask her out again? If she doesn't see me that way I don't want things to get awkward since we'll be in the same office for the next few years and I don't want to Lose her as a friend.

Or if I should decide to pursue this further, is it a simple matter that instead of trying to further befriend her or instead of bluntly asking her out, would it be better for me to flirt with her? I'm already unskilled at responding to flirts, clueless at initiating them and I think it's a little risky to practice such things in an office environment. How should I proceed?

So, any thoughts or advice?

If this is a job you want to keep, then I recommend that you don't date nor go after her. I honestly don't think she has romantic feelings towards and is just trying to obtain a friendly work relationship with her, so, that she will cash it in later for her own benefit.

I'm not sure what you mean by "cash it in later for her own benefit". She has asked nothing of me. But I think you speak the truth about keeping my job. I know some met their partner at work but I can find love elsewhere.

I watched some Youtube video that said if I like a girl I should not be nice to her but flirt with her. I thought this was good advice 'till I realized it was a video from one of those dreaded PUAs. He went on to say it's not good to worship a girl and put her up on a pedestal or she'll look down on you. This is true. I should find a girl less perfect so we can see eye to eye.

Anyway, it creeped me out when my ex called me perfect so why should it not be the same the other way?

Can you not simply ask her discreetly, say something (when you are alone, with a friendly smile) like “I’m sorry If I have misunderstood you, but I have a feeling that you like me?” or something similar. Honesty is the best approach in my opinion, and if she says yes you can tell her how you feel, and if it’s a no then you can go on with your life without this hanging over your head.

Tell her that you have a date this Saturday - and watch her how she reacts.

Maybe. I got her number discreetly when we were alone so this might work.

Or does she want to play the game? Is that how girls like it? The game of imparting meaning without saying it (or at least not literally). If I just blurt it out like that, even when we're alone, would she find it unromantic or desperate? that would be fun to watch but she might take it as a sign I'm not interested in her.

I always wish I was THERE. She likes you as a frlend, at least. Maybe she likes to flirt. I'd keep it somewhat cool, though--as you are coworkers. I had a couple of those sorts of relationships.

One really caused lovelorn problems for me. She followed me home, like she was curious. Then she changed her mind after a couple of encounters. I fell for her too much. I was 21. I was naive. I wanted to marry her. She just was curious.

Fortunately, I didn't lose my job as a result.

I personally hate games and pretences; I think that if someone is honest and dares to put themselves out there, it is brave of them and an attractive quality. You should ask yourself what the worst thing that can happen is. I mean if she were to act unkind in response, would that sort of person then be one that you would want in your life? Maybe she is just very insecure; maybe she needs you to ask straight out. It's of course also just possible that she is overfriendly with everyone without meaning anything more. Either way, unless you ask you will not know.

She's fully aware that you like her, you asked her out before.

And she rejected you with the busy thing.

If she changed her mind, it's on her, she should make the move this time, the ball is in her court.

So I say, keep your dignity, don't be stupid and make the move.

And if she teases you, tease her back, like the way I suggested.

You could go something like "Pffff, I have few dates next week, and I am not sure who I like more!".

Me too but does she?Good point. Girls like it when a guy dares to be bold. That's what the Youtube PUA said. He said that you should clearly and unambiguously declare your feelings... solely through the use of body language.Yes I agree, the ball is in her court. If she likes me she should be the one to make the move

...but here's the thing. What if in her mind she already made the move. What if she already sent out what she thought of as totally unambiguous signals and so as far as she's concerned she just made the next move. Now the ball is in my court again? Is she now thinking "I sent out a totally unambiguous signals. why doesn't he respond? He must be trying to tell me he doesn't like me"

So that's the thing Bondkatten and Face of Boo, I know that I should send her a clear signal or that I should expect a clear signal for her if she likes me but for some people, nonverbal queues are clear and unambiguous signals, right?I get fired for sexual harassment and then I'm never able to get a job again.[quote="Bondkatten"]I mean if she were to act unkind in response, would that sort of person then be one that you would want in your life?[quote="Bondkatten"]No I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone unkind. If she did something unkind, I would no longer fear losing her, I would fear losing my job. Do I exaggerate?

Maybe I would better off avoiding trying to get with girl-from-work. That should be easy since she's the only girl at work. There's one or two other girls who aren't from work who I think might be into me. Maybe I'd be better off pursuing them instead.

Since you don't like games, then you should look for a girl that doesn't enjoy them, imagine spending all the time playing mindgames,if you would end up together.

If you are really afraid of this happening, and you think that it is a real probability, then you should keep a distance from the girl and try to put her out of your head.



If you are thinking of other girls, and this one is not making you very happy, then it is probably for the best to distance yourself from the girl at work.

I know, there's this other girl I like. When I'm talking to girl-at-work I think of the other girl. She doesn't play games in that way. She's a lot more forward about her desires. She's more straight talking. She has a girl next door quality. When I'm at work talking to girl-at-work I'm thinking of girl-next-door (note, she doesn't live next door).

When I'm talking to girl-next-door I'm thinking of girl-at-work. Girl-at-work is much more sophisticated and cultured. Like me she likes classical music. She has a sophisticated way of speaking. My family would like her.

Girl-next-door is less ambiguous in what she says and usually says what's on her mind (except when she's angry, then she speaks in riddles). But when she's being forward? Sometimes she's a little bit too forward. Though she may be less sophisticated she's kind of cute in a girlish way.

I feel like Archie, trying to choose between the sophisticated and cultured Veronica, and the simple, sweet Betty. (ironically in my case the sophisticated one lives on a farm and the plain talking one lives in the inner city).

So how should I go about choosing between Betty and Veronica? Girl-next-door, she's cute. I could adore her. But girl-at-work is so smart and debonair. I could worship her (there I go setting girls on pedestals again). I could play it safe and go with girl-next-door but... fortune favours the bold right? Is it not better to take a greater risk for a greater reward? Or does the high roller suffer greater losses?

Imagine you could never talk to or see Girl-next-door again. Then imagine that you could never talk or see girl-at-work again. Which scenario feels worse? That should give you a clue as to how you really feel.
But honestly you seem to me to bit confused, so maybe better to take things slower untill you feel more sure?
Good luck

It's probably better if you don't pursue anything. Maybe see if she wants to be friends, hang out with her (outside of work) See how it goes but don't make a move or push it. If she makes a move, then you can accept it.

As a general rule, you're not supposed to date your coworkers. I've had crushes on coworkers before and it sucks - you're around them everyday, you know them well enough, you have their phone numbers - but the fact that it is at work makes it a lot different from the crushes you have at school or with your friends. The last job I had - everyone was "dipping their pen in company ink" and it made for a cliquey and sexually tense atmosphere.

God forbid something were to go wrong, the fact that you had personal relations could be used as leverage to get a raise, promotion, someone fired, etc. A lot of companies have rules against that (that are rarely followed) but it is for the better, when you really step back and think about it.

Dating coworkers is a double-edged sword. The good thing about it, is that you are around the person everyday, and get to know the real person, without all of the hassles of a date. The bad thing, is that it can create problems at work, both during the relationship, and after, if it ever ends.


As for the original question, NO, I don't think that the girl at work has any romantic feelings for you. It just sounds like she just likes the attention/ego boost...although I could still be wrong about it.

I don't know, I wouldn't be so quick to say that how someone acts at work is their "real" self. RetroGamer87 didn't say where he works but if it is an environment that is built on impersonality (corporate office, customer service, etc) then it might not be trustworthy at all.

When I've had crushes on my coworkers, I've usually found out more about them over one lunch than in months of working with them.

Let me give an example - my friend (who me and everyone else suspect has AS) had a crush on my housemate, who he worked with at a hotel. He thought she was friendly and sweet because that is how she was at work - yet, here at home, she was a crazy and dangerous person who did all kinds of hard drugs, would bring her boyfriend around and scream at him for no reason, and to top it all off, beat up my other housemate's 8-month pregnant girlfriend! I had to beg him to stay away from her, we ended up having to kick her out and she just took off one day.

Of course, is such extreme behavior the norm? No, but it is something to watch out for, that you don't really know someone until you have seen them at their worst - and then judge them and if you want to be with them based on that.