Page 1 of 2 [ 27 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Protogenoi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 817

08 Apr 2015, 9:58 pm

You could mention something about the U.N.'s statement on ABA.


_________________
Now take a trip with me but don't be surprised when things aren't what they seem. I've known it from the start all these good ideas will tear your brain apart. Scared, but you can follow me. I'm too weird to live but much too rare to die. - a7x


dryope
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2015
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 281
Location: head in a book

08 Apr 2015, 11:57 pm

Sure. What is that?


_________________
Diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder 19 June 2015.


AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,660
Location: Houston, Texas

10 Apr 2015, 5:47 pm

Hi, I recommend under-doing activism, light touching it as it were. I can say the words, but often it's hard for me to do. It's often all or nothing. Either a major special interest or nothing at all. I wish I had more middle skills. Am still developing that.

If you can wind to a place where it's okay to send a follow-up letter and it's okay not to, that's a pretty good place to be.

I myself am comfortably self-diagnosed. At 37, you're somewhat younger than I am, but I think a lot of people in our broad general age range will be self-diagnosed.

Regarding the big topics of war and peace and citizen activism, etc., Okay, people often do group solidarity by being against some other. We often need an 'other' to play off of to define ourselves. And sure, I probably do this, too. I think I was a little bit lucky because in Boy Scouts we had the merit badges of "Citizenship in the Community," "Citizenship in the Nation," and "Citizenship in the World." The symmetrical aspect kind of appealed to me. I just thought we missed citizenship in the state. Anyway, I grew up thinking there's no conflict among these. I can feel proud of the good aspects of my country the United States and want us to continue to do good things, but not feel I need to be against other people. And when I think my country is embarking on a bad path like a counterproductive war, that's a hard one. I do good if I speak out, but if I put some self-imposed obligation on myself that I must speak out, that's probably not going to be productive either.

PS It really jumped out at me that you have to get permission from your company to publish? What if you wanted to write mystery or science fiction?



dryope
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2015
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 281
Location: head in a book

10 Apr 2015, 10:12 pm

Hi AardvarkGoodSwimmer -- I agree with your post completely. I spent ten years in Girl Scouts myself (aspies and organized socializing go together like peanut butter and chocolate! Though it did end up with them kicking me out for not being social enough...).

Yes, if I want to write a book, they have to check it, even if it's under a pseudonym. They care a lot less about fiction, though, so it's just the initial waiting time that's a problem. My company is kind of a jerk, obviously. ;)


_________________
Diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder 19 June 2015.


Protogenoi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 817

10 Apr 2015, 10:44 pm

dryope wrote:
Hi AardvarkGoodSwimmer -- I agree with your post completely. I spent ten years in Girl Scouts myself (aspies and organized socializing go together like peanut butter and chocolate! Though it did end up with them kicking me out for not being social enough...).


That is seriously messed up. It's horrible for them to kick you out for not being social enough...


_________________
Now take a trip with me but don't be surprised when things aren't what they seem. I've known it from the start all these good ideas will tear your brain apart. Scared, but you can follow me. I'm too weird to live but much too rare to die. - a7x


BoyInGreen
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2015
Posts: 10

16 Apr 2015, 3:42 pm

Dryope, that sounds horrible what they did to you. Surely an organisation can't throw somebody out for a mere personality difference. Did you complain?



dryope
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2015
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 281
Location: head in a book

16 Apr 2015, 6:44 pm

Thanks for the kind words, both of you. Basically, they said I had to participate in several major fundraising initiatives so the troop could earn enough to go on an overseas trip. I just wanted to go camping, and was burned out on the social side of selling things (you can imagine). They weren't happy with me overall, because I tended not to understand leadership roles and was generally fairly immature and inwardly focused.

So, when I said I didn't want to spend every weekend for the next six months fundraising, they took a vote and kicked me out. I privately asked the leaders to overrule the vote or change the rules, but they said no. I ended up sobbing in front of them.

Did I misunderstand what happened? My mother seems to think I am right in my recall if events, but surely this seems impossible to have occurred like I remember. Aspies can easily misunderstand social situations, though, and when one of the leaders was dying of cancer, I was put in an email thread to honor her. I politely asked to be removed, not saying why, and I was the only one who was anything but 100% positive about her, apparently. (I didn't want to be involved, because I still, ten years later, felt so betrayed by her, but I couldn't imagine either forgiving her or accusing her at her deathbed. I thought it was better she should die forgetting me altogether.) So sure, maybe when I was 16 things didn't happen the way I thought they did.

But I was also singled out told off severely at a Girl Scout leadership committee I was on earlier that year, by other adult Girl Scout leaders -- for doodling at a meeting and for sweeping a floor. I think I just rubbed people the wrong way. I was an aspie teenage girl in the U.S. South and just taking my first leadership roles. Adult women did not like me, but they gave strange reasons as to what I was doing wrong. In the South, people are very passive aggressive, and they aren't direct about why they're really upset: you're supposed to "know."

I feel they should have nurtured me. But I didn't get a lot of that. Luckily my mother was very nurturing.

Wow, this was all really emotional to remember. Being rejected as a person for frivolous reasons and not understanding why it happened or how to stop it in the future just made it more difficult for me to trust people when I got older. I started distancing myself from people in college and at work, just assumed everyone would always dislike me. I've still made friends and had a good social life, though, so I'm not totally messed up. But it just made things harder, and made me more wary.

OK, long post over!


_________________
Diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder 19 June 2015.


AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,660
Location: Houston, Texas

18 Apr 2015, 11:12 am

Wow, I'm really sorry about the girl scouts. The thing with the fundraising is obviously a poor choice and poor decision by these other leaders. I mean, all kinds of people may not wish to spend every weekend for the next six months engaged in fundraising!

I have experienced what I call the pounce. Things seem to be going well at work or in a social setting. And then a person strongly criticizes me, pointing to some supposed moral failings on my part, often some version that I'm not trying hard enough. Wow, a little brief constructive coaching might have been nice earlier. And the ironic thing is that I usually try too hard. I have patchy skills. So, people think if I can pick up on this, then certainly I can . . . Well, not necessarily.

I also have real struggles with forgiveness and trust. Difficult issues all the way round.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,660
Location: Houston, Texas

18 Apr 2015, 11:41 am

* in regards to 'the pounce,' the belated and overblown workplace or social criticism,

I have thought about, 'Good, good, thank you for telling me this. Yes, yes, I've been wanting some feedback. Please tell me more. Good, good, this is good information. Yes, I definitely want your feedback and information. Please tell me more. Yes, good, good, thank you.'

One, I'm not sure I could pull this off. Two, this is similar to a high-risk poker strategy. It might work, but it also might fail rather spectacularly. And I guess that's okay, too.



dryope
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2015
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 281
Location: head in a book

22 Apr 2015, 4:53 am

AardvarkGoodSwimmer, you are a genius. This is exactly the kind of thing that I live in fear of, and which happens to me constantly.

When I'm talking about things I know about, I can be very smart and poised, but my other social skills are more dependent -- so when "the pounce" happens, I am scrambled and frantically try to figure out where I went wrong or is this is a personality problem the other person has, etc. the issue is that seeing myself, self-awareness, is almost impossible for me.

I try to script responses, too. But in the moment, surprised, I'm either nonverbal or entering a meltdown. I think checklist item one should be deep breathing and using a quiet stim (I keep a fidget in my pocket that I can hide in my hand). The issue is immediately apologizing may be the wrong answer -- you may actually be in the right.

I heard an NT at a seminar on executive presence at work say the response to sudden criticism should be to slowly repeat the remark (to show you heard it), ask an open-ended question for more information, then say you will think carefully about this and get back to them. This was for someone at a big meeting attacking you for a mistake (in which case you would check on the issue and get back to them), but I think they are similar. I think the key, whatever you say, is practicing voice tone and eye contact to show sincerity.

Anyway, thank you for the clever terminology! It helps to label these kinds of problems. :)


_________________
Diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder 19 June 2015.


ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,244
Location: Long Island, New York

22 Apr 2015, 12:58 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
dryope wrote:
. . . while it promotes dangerous treatments, such as shock therapy .


An Unholy Alliance: Autism Speaks and the Judge Rotenberg Center


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,660
Location: Houston, Texas

27 Apr 2015, 10:52 pm

dryope wrote:
I heard an NT at a seminar on executive presence at work say the response to sudden criticism should be to slowly repeat the remark (to show you heard it), ask an open-ended question for more information, then say you will think carefully about this and get back to them. This was for someone at a big meeting attacking you for a mistake (in which case you would check on the issue and get back to them), but I think they are similar. I think the key, whatever you say, is practicing voice tone and eye contact to show sincerity.
Thank you. :)

And I like your idea, too. The focus on breathing, and having a quiet stim available. And maybe script a brief, straightforward open-ended question for more info. And I'd definitely want to practice the calm statement, 'I will think carefully about this and get back to you.'