Page 1 of 2 [ 17 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

jayjayuk
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 15 Apr 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 387

08 Apr 2015, 2:57 am

Is there any link between Aspergers and Narcissism? Are the traits similar?

I have been watching more and more about narcissism, and reading up more, and I can't help but feel that:

a) I'm misdiagnosed
b) I have both
c) I'm losing the plot

I say this because I have so many narcissistic traits. Manipulating people is something I'm excellent at, except I HATE the way I am. I can make almost anyone feel sympathy for me, yet when I genuinely should show sympathy I don't, I put on a mask that will make you believe I'm happy and well. But in my mind a storm is brewing. A big storm.

If someone disagrees with me, I snap. Their points are not valid, because my points are the only valid ones. I am a logical thinker, they are not, thus I am correct and their points don't even deserve my thinking time. This is what's going on inside my brain. But in real life I'm looking interested, leading them on, making them feel like their ideas are good. As happened recently with a guy that wanted to invest in my skills, I led him on to the last moment.

Honestly, I could go on, but I'm ashamed of myself. Or am I? I don't even know what real feelings are. I have no sympathy for anything. A family friend died, and guess what I did .... I write a song in their memory. The purpose of the song was purely for recognition ... i.e "Isn't he awesome doing that". I didn't even go to the funeral, even though I was offered. I just couldn't be bothered. What sort of person does this make me?!

I've never been bothered about deaths. I miss my granddad, and nan, but I was never upset by their passing. I have to fake being upset, incase people think I'm heartless.

I had to address this today, I have some time alone, and have been doing some self reflection.

People who read my posts know I spend so much time on the computer. The reason is chasing success. I was successful once, but it all collapsed when I went to jail. I chase that. In the form of programming, and marketing. Which is why I spend so much time at the computer. I love programming, like a passion, but that skill I "abuse" a lot in marketing. Some of the marketing tactics I have used are pure manipulation. And they have, in the past, netted me around a quarter of a million. No lies, proof can be shown if need be (there's a narcissistic trait again, having to prove it for self worth)

I fear who I am. I fear what I am capable off. Although at the same time, I feel happy and content. How is this possible?

The first post I made on another forum before I was DXed, the first response was "you are narcissist". Infact I had 3 responses to the same post saying the same thing. Back then I didn't self reflect as I do now, so I didnt think nothing of it.

Is there any relation to Aspergers and Narcissism? Does anyone deal with Narcissism at all?



jayjayuk
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 15 Apr 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 387

08 Apr 2015, 3:56 am

I've just done a quiz (not sure how valid it is) and I scored 32. Narcissists score above 20 apparently, average is 12 - 15. So now I know something isn't right. But is this just Aspergers or something more? This was the quiz, and I answered questions as honestly as possible: http://psychcentral.com/cgi-bin/narcissisticquiz.cgi



zer0netgain
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2009
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,613

08 Apr 2015, 7:01 am

I think people with AS have a tendency to narcissism, but that's mostly because we have so few OUTSIDE interests. Being very introspective and "into yourself" is not quite the same as classic narcissism. To me, a narcissist believes he/she is the center of the universe because it's all about them. People with AS typically act with a disinterest in the universe outside of their immediate interests.



frodz
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 30
Location: England

08 Apr 2015, 7:28 am

From what reading I've done it seems a stereotypical autistic view of the world could be described closer to perhaps egocentric than narcissistic.

I'm not sure playing mind-games and being overly manipulative is particularly an autistic strength. These are not natural to me at least.


_________________
Currently being referred for diagnosis.


Last edited by frodz on 08 Apr 2015, 7:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,146

08 Apr 2015, 7:44 am

I don't believe AS and narcissism are linked. I think it's possible to have both by coincidence, but I don't think the "social ineptitude" of AS would make it at all easy for a narcissistic Aspie to have any great success in manipulating people. So your Aspie traits would have to be pretty mild in that respect, to be compatible with narcissism. Perhaps the fact that you were jailed demonstrates that if you have any narcissism, you don't always apply it very competently.

Aspies have a reputation in some quarters (e.g. AS Partners, and possibly Maxine Aston) of being heartbreaking "emotional takers" when in relationships - manipulating the relationship until everything revolves round the Aspie - but I don't think there's much truth in it. I rather think that NT-AS relationships often break down and that people concoct explanations for it that don't challenge their own ego. I think Aspies can be very self-centred because of the mind-blindness, we only have information about ourselves, how can we take any interest in the contents of other people's heads when we can divine almost nothing about them?

I think Aspies can have a hard time learning to respect others because of all the unresolved misunderstandings when others don't realise why we behave so strangely. I still have a worryingly strong sense of contempt for mainstream people, though I really don't like manipulating people.

You also admit to feeling guilty about it, and you're here asking for help with it, you seem to want to come in from the cold. As far as I know, narcissists admire themselves too much to consider their social faults and feel remorse or compassion for others at all. God never apologises.

Your feelings about bereavement are quite similar to mine. When I heard that my father had suddenly died, my first reaction was "why are they telling me this when I'm so busy?" I was shocked at my apparent indifference. After a few minutes the whole world seemed to turn very bleak, and I'm now sure that was part of my weird way of grieving, but at the time I couldn't sense any connection between my bereavement and my dark mood. Funerals are about the people left behind, it doesn't matter to the dead how they're remembered, and that was my reason for hating funerals for many years, until I realised that the people left behind mattered to me.

I've often looked back at my early life and figured I was something of a selfish bastard for a long time.



nyxjord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jun 2014
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 819
Location: Between 2 corn fields

08 Apr 2015, 11:17 am

No I don't necessarily think so. I've never met another Aspie that was narcissistic and I most certainly am not.. and it's certainly interesting that recently, the general forum seems to be obsessed with whether or not Autism is linked to narcissism.


_________________
--Nyx-- What an astonishing thing a book is. Across the millennia, an author is speaking clearly and silently inside your head, directly to you... Carl Sagan


CWA
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jun 2012
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 669

08 Apr 2015, 11:34 am

Ok. So My daughter is dxed asd. "high functioning" for lack of a better way to describe it. I probably also fall on the spectrum, but at this point for me an official dx would be pointless.

My mother in law has narcissistic personality disorder. Dxed, although according to her by a total quack.

There is a really really big difference.

Here is an example. Someone, say a cousin or an aunt, passes away. I don't care. I really don't feel it. My daughter really doesn't care. MAybe she has an existential sadness of her own. But feelings about that person? Not really. Ok, fine. I go to the funeral. I keep to myself. My mother in law? Drama. She makes it all about her. Puts herself in the spotlight one way or the other. We had a very distant 5 year old relative get brutally murdered 2 years ago. My mother in law managed to make it all about her giving TV interviews and calling the police with "hints" and "information". Made a huge fuss at the funeral. She never even met the child. I repeat, she never met the kid.

An easy way to think of it is this... for folks on the spectrum they are at the center of their OWN universe and every other person is at the center of their own seperate universes. People with NPD see themselves as the center of THE universe with everyone else included in that universe. Therefore everyone else should be paying attention to them, all the time. And they feel a great need for people to do that.

Further, people with NPD are aware of social rules and nuances and they use them to their advantage to get their narcissistic supply. For example, if someone is a guest in your house it's rude to not offer them a drink or a snack. A narc might take advantage of this to... root through your cabinets and eat all of your food, or they might demand, in advance, that you purchase a certain beverage for them, or they might show up and complain and whine non stop about how you don't have anything that they want to eat or drink. They may complain and cause a ruckus even if you had the soda, they will just say " it's flat" or "oh I switched to diet". Then they may tell every one and their uncle what an awful host you are and what a wretched experience they had in your house and how mean you were to them... when in reality you simply didn't have their brand of soda. Some asd folks might also engage in these behaviors, however the motivators would be quite different. An ASD person... just isn't aware that maybe these things are rude or isn't aware of the fact that they are whining. They really just wanted a soda, thats it. A Narc is QUITE aware of what they are doing. Although they will never, ever admit it. They want all the extra attention that the situation is getting them. They want the spotlight. Eff the soda.

Edit:

Narcs also tend to not be introspective. To the point that they, like my mother in law, reject the diagnosis of narcissism. Most of them, but not all of them. They are able to process how their actions make others feel, however they usually have some mechanism to justify their every action making true introspection difficult.



Campin_Cat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2014
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 25,953
Location: Baltimore, Maryland, U.S.A.

08 Apr 2015, 12:33 pm

I totally agree with what CWA said (great post!), and I do NOT feel the OP is narcissistic.

BTW, the OP posted the URL to the RESULT page for the OP's quiz----if anyone wants to TAKE the quiz, THIS would be the address:

http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/narcissistic.htm








_________________
White female; age 59; diagnosed Aspie.
I use caps for emphasis----I'm NOT angry or shouting. I use caps like others use italics, underline, or bold.
"What we know is a drop; what we don't know, is an ocean." (Sir Isaac Newton)


QuantumChemist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Oct 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,910
Location: Midwest

08 Apr 2015, 7:19 pm

jayjayuk wrote:
I've just done a quiz (not sure how valid it is) and I scored 32. Narcissists score above 20 apparently, average is 12 - 15. So now I know something isn't right. But is this just Aspergers or something more? This was the quiz, and I answered questions as honestly as possible: http://psychcentral.com/cgi-bin/narcissisticquiz.cgi


I took the same quiz today and scored a 4 on it, leading to the conclusion that I am not narcissistic. I have worked with a guy who would definitely score the most you can on that quiz, but he is not on the spectrum. Of all of the people that I have met in my life, he stands out as the one most aspiring to be a super villain with his ego. You don't have to worry though, as he is not very good at what he does from what I can tell.



DailyPoutine1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Mar 2015
Age: 23
Posts: 2,278
Location: Province of Québec, Canada

08 Apr 2015, 7:27 pm

thewheel
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 1 Apr 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 150
Location: Kent, England

08 Apr 2015, 7:40 pm

I scored 4 too.


_________________
Diagnosed Aspie.


DeepHour
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 77,612
Location: United Kingdom

08 Apr 2015, 7:41 pm

Just did the test - scored 9.



dryope
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2015
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 281
Location: head in a book

08 Apr 2015, 9:13 pm

8! And I am always told I am a bit controlling! I guess it's like CWA said -- I just want a soda. ;)


_________________
Diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder 19 June 2015.


Brain_
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 8 Apr 2015
Posts: 10
Location: Somewhere

09 Apr 2015, 3:18 am

I just did the test and scored a 3. :roll:

From the OP, I don't think you're a narcissist. The fact that you are very much aware of your own actions and don't like them and the fact that you like to introspect are the obvious clues here I think.

It might be a cloaking or coping mechanism to hide from the outside world that you're on the spectrum. For me for instance I unconsiously copy traits from the person I'm talking to and/or involved with. For instance with coworkers and how they talk or move or have specific gestures. I tend to copy and use those when talking to them directly or to others at work.

I also hate it when I recognize that I'm doing it. So it might be a fairly common thing to create some type of coping mechanism to hide our AS from the outside world? My psychiatrist called it a very complex program or script that I wrote for myself.



GiantHockeyFan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jun 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,293

09 Apr 2015, 8:36 am

I have been told (always by peers never by older adults) that I am cocky, arrogant and egotistical. In other words, a Narcissist.

I scored 7 on the quiz.

I have a couple relatives who fit the definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder to a "T" and I act NOTHING like them. i am still puzzled as to how a shy, timid, sensitive, unconfident person could be called these things.



ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,146

09 Apr 2015, 10:26 am

Campin_Cat wrote:

I got 6.

The test was confounded by the fact that there wasn't always an option that was anything like true of me, e.g.

"I like to have authority over other people." OR "I don't mind following orders."

I see most kinds of authority as evil, and would usually hate to be at either end of it.

Nonetheless, most questions "worked" for me, and the result looks roughly correct.