How to choose between two girls?

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I've only seen her once this year. I saw her a couple of times about six months ago at the community center but we barely exchanged two words. This time was the only time I had a proper conversation with her. I spent the whole dinner getting to know her. I don't yet have her number or on Facebook although I'll try to get them soon.

What I'm getting at, is that it's not like I've been seeing her regularly for a period of time, as you imply. I can't go to the community center anymore because they're only open during work hours (last year I was unemployed). The lodge is on most Thursday nights. Sometimes they skip a week or two during the school holidays. That's why I didn't see her last Thursday. Thursday before that was the first time she'd ever been to the lodge, gods willing she'll be there this Thursday.That's not what the psychologist on Youtube said, he said he said it was the panacea of mental health. Anyway, think of people with significant others. Do you think they don't get any happiness from their relationship? I'm sure some of them do.

Anyway, I'm sick of having half the population tell me I'm a freak for being single and the other half telling me I shouldn't even try. Is some of my desire to have a relationship based on social pressures? Sure. I know everyone will tell me I shouldn't live my life according to social pressures but that's what I've been doing for the last couple of years and it's improved my life immensely.

If I didn't listen to societies expectation for me to get a job I would still be poor and unemployed. I would still be semi-reclusive. Also I never would have learned to drive, I would have dropped out of school when I was 15, I would still weigh 300 lbs and I would now still be living at home. Listening to societies expectations works for me... some of the time.

But now I have people telling me I should have a relationship but other people telling me I'm a creep for trying to have a relationship. Society acts like all relationships happen by chance, a chance meeting of two people who happen to be perfect for each other and somehow work out that each other is available and into them without a word exchanged between them.

And I'm sure many relationships actually do begin by chance but they don't begin that way for me. It could be the perfect woman for me hangs out at some place I don't go. I know that you have to get and socialize and I do but doing that doesn't always bring me into contact with single women in the same age bracket as me (or sometimes I just don't know if they're single but I have a hunch the girl from the lodge is).That's an excellent point. I think I should work on improving my spontaneity, not only for dating but for my interactions for people in general.

Actually I was thinking about NT vs AS males, if I were to go for NT women vs AS males... honestly it would depend on the woman. The stereotypical woman could very well be a starfish to me.

If a man here calls the stereotypical woman as starfish, you would line up calling him sexist.

Why - I mean why - on WP is so ok for aspie women to complain about stereotypical women (and they are plenty) while when guys do you quickly jump in their throats?

You and Androbot, I feel you got stung by my previous post; deal with it :p:
- yes, steretypical women do gather and evaluate each other's dates, many times negatively; it's something that I have so seen them doing it countless of times, so nauseating; while I have never seen men doing it, - except the OP's nosy friend here.

So it's pretty normal for me to asscoiate this particular behavior to the typical women based on life experience so far. Yes, a group of men may talk about some hot woman over there; but I have *never* hear them giving any opinion about some girl whom one of the present guys is dating.

I will not deny or lie about what I observe, like saying I have seen it done by both equally, just to be politically correct.

This one?


So the difference between male and female brains is greater than the difference between female autistics and neurotypical females? That they don't share the same experience of autism as men do. So in essence you are saying that autistic women are less autistic than autistic men.

I've seen this said here before. I think it is an attempt to once again cast women as "the other." We're really not that remarkable and I'm not sure why we are so resented on this forum.


The more you're out there the more people you will meet and the better your chances. But ultimately it is chance. Hunting down a woman to fill the role of wife is not going to work.

Hey now that I think of it, you're right. Most men don't do that. So maybe I shouldn't worry about what friends think of whoever I'm with (though not all of my friends are men) or what my family thinks (though not of all my relatives are men).

It's just hard for me to stop thinking everyone is judging me and coming up with worse case scenarios of what they're thinking about me. I know I shouldn't think that way but it's hard for me to stop.

As for my nosy friend, I was surprised when he said that. I might expect that from a teenaged boy but a 55 year old man, who is married with a son? He's kind of fat himself, and his diet of fasting three days per week hasn't made much difference.Yes I know that who I meet at social gatherings is determined by chance and I accept that but it's just that I feel that some of the young women I already come into contact with might make good relationship material but I have to make some effort once I come into contact with them.

If I've already met someone by chance I don't want to leave the next phase to chance. The trouble is it seems like a lot of couples not only meet through chance but also everything else proceeds through chance as well. As though they form a bond through mutual wordless spontaneity without either of them having an actual plan. I don't do very well without a plan in any aspect of life.

Oh sorry, I was referring to this post:





As for what you said up there,


Lol what...no, how did you even come up with this interpretation?

I was simply saying that that the difference between male and female brains is greater than the difference between autistics and neurotypical of the same gender. That is applied to both genders.

How all this even turned into 'autistic women are less autistic than autistic men' ?



Boohooo, more invented drama.

You're so creative.

Of course you're gonna hate this forum and hate us the men here if you keep wrongly interpret things that much, for example here you've just put words in my mouth "autistic women are less autistic than autistic men" (which is false and a total wrong interpretation of what I said) and you've deluded yourself to believe this what was really meant, and then you've even dramatized things further, without even waiting for my clarification to your entirely wrong interpretation, by accusing me of doing a conspiracy attempt to outcast a whole gender. Pathetic.

I would've gone with Renaissance painting but I can relate to those a bit more.... even more so Surrealist paintings.
Is it an insult if I call someone an xbox console?
In either case, I was going for alien more than pejorative.


Me? I honestly can't relate to them and I try to be as un-womanly as I can. But I can't say I've ever advocated lying to them, turning them into lists of physical or materialistic pros and cons or openly planning to manipulate or "outwit" them rather than negotiate with them. (some instances I've seen here can't be defined by any other word) .



Boo, I'll just cut to the chase. Your post didn't bug me at all. I've seen women do that. I've seen them do it not only regarding dates but regarding other women (gossip) and often towards myself. I've seen my own sister approach men in this manner, and I have not had a proper conversation with her in over a decade. This is what I mean by unrelatable.
I've mentioned both genders are just as rotten before, I just happen to encounter more dudes here than women.

The reason I made that post was because I've been trying to get an idea of who I can relate to the most by looking at thought processes because I keep hearing it's easier to find kindred minds within the spectrum, but all I've found is that I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of some of the thought processes I have read about in here, this thread contains some of the choicest examples.

So autistic men are more similar to NT men than to autistic women? That's interesting.




Chill out, Boo. I don't hate you or anyone else on here. Thanks for the clarification. Something to think about.

Yes , and also autistic women more similar to NT women than to autistic men.

Look, the brain difference between women and men are more...."tangible", we talk about things like size (male brain is bigger)and condensation (female brain are more densely packed with neurons), going more deeply (ie.through fMRI scanning) even the manners of processing certain things differ.

While the differences between autistics and non-autistics of the same gender were so subtle that scientists had to use advanced fMRI scanning for detecting any differences, before that they never knew of any difference.

The gender brain difference had been refuted by some feminist researchers claiming that these differences were due to the 'drip drip' gender conditioning and brain elasticity only..... hmm, this can be partly true, brain elasticity had been proven, but that doesn't explain the differences seen in newborns - so differences can't be entirely due to socially construct and brain elasticity.

Then if we are going to adopt the brain elasticity theory at face value, then this can extend to autistm itself, why we should accept the brain sex differences are only due to brain elasticity while auistic-NT brain differences are inborn?
Makes no sense, and there's no strong evidence that any of that is exclusively due to elasticity. My point is, why should we accept one blindly and refute it on the other?

Some of the DSM psychiatrists claim that most of parents of autistics are geeks and nerds, then it's possible there's elasticity factor in autism as well, no?

Yes, I am a PC gamer .



People of both gender do that when it comes to dating, sadly.

And it's pretty common, this doesn't exist only on this forum, it's everywhere.




The Autism spectrum is generally a sausage fest.

And I don't believe much in the common belief that the sex ratio is due to 'many autistic girls passing under the radar' - because this
1) would imply that autistic girls have it milder than boys in general.
2) this should be true for low-functioning autistics as well, it's believable that pro clinicians may mistake a high-functioning autistic girl as normal or as having a different condition or that her parents may not notice, but it wouldn't be so believable that doctors would misdiagnose that much severe autistic girls as well or that their parents wouldn't notice....I mean come on - severe autism is a very obvious condition and can't goes under the radar, and yet severe autism is more common among boys, hence the 4:1 sex ratio.

Claiming that the true sex ratio of AS is 1:1 = refuting that AS and severe autism are genetically related and same spectrum.




What about the aspie women here, are you finding it easier to relate to them than to the general population?

Well it's impossible to know another person's experience of autism. I'm high functioning. I think I slipped under the radar because my Mom taught me to pass.

I don't think I would describe the spectrum as a "sausage fest" though. And I'm still not sure why there needs to be differentiation between the genders.

It feels like there is an attempt being made to exclude women from the autistic community based on supposed lesser numbers or severity of autism. I can't fathom why this would be relevant.

Mine weren't. Far from it.Fascinating. That answers a question I've had for a long time.Who did that?

I guess you don't notice it then.

I know what you mean about not wanting to be alone. I'm finding it quite tiresome. Not because of lack of sex (I have a friend with whom I get together,) but it would be nice to have someone to share my life with too.

Yeah and I've always either distanced myself from that behaviour or just outright denounced it no matter what. I'd rather be alone than to surround myself with the sort of people that have that mentality.




The way I see it is simply this:
AS starts at childhood, ultimately the onus on getting a diagnosis is on the parents, and the parents won't be alerted to anything being wrong if they aren't closely involved with their children (double income families for example) or if the teachers don't see anything. In order to get to the clinically trained eye there's a bunch of untrained eyes the AS kid needs to get through. Maybe the image caretakers have in their minds of autistic boys comes closer to the mark than what they have for autistic girls, who knows?
What I do know is that a huge part of smuggling ourselves as normal women happens to be tied to our physical appearance so maybe that acts as camo? Appearance in women is a pretty good decoy.

Or you could have what happened to me and be born in a place where psychiatry is a joke and AS is pretty much a hipster label. You can even see it online, people use AS to justify being dicks, and without even realizing it's autism (which is a pejorative in normal land). I was not diagnosed until september last year and the psychiatrist in question was amazed that this was the case (I'm an ambulant bird sign to normals pretty much) . For me it was like getting some sort of permission to see the sky as blue or 2+2 as 2^2.





With Aspie women, I'm getting a full sense of why it's called neurodiversity. I see idiosyncrasies in others that I only found in myself up until recently, yet I still can only relate to them partially. But then again, I've only seen less than a handful.

Maybe all I really want is a clone and if I get it we'll both have a blast at the fact we don't get a sense of being kindred minds either.

Antharis, PLENTY of men here have been diagnosed as adults, so it's not only women who slip under the radar.

It makes no sense, what about the low-functioning/severe autism? Boys still outnumber girls across numerous varieties of ASD, as I said it's totally illogical to assume that severely-autistic girls are slipping under the radar and not been noticed by parents.


Nope, the logical explanation is:






and LOL at comments below - like seriously:






lol do you hear that? It turned out that Autism is a patriarchal or feminist conspiracy.

How amazingly alike MRAs and radical feminists are, they should get married from each other.

well I'd just message her saying I like her but apparently a random guy messaging you on fb is creepy. shes a friend of my sister, so have no common group or place where we'd meet randomly. I guess I could buy a lot of pizza and talk to here but theres still the overwhelming problem that I'm too shy to do that and freeze up. and as women have said here they don't want to be asked out at work, on street, out and about, shopping, etc.



theres a few people who seem to feel this way, it seems. hardly a big thing though, they'll probably leave except the one.
I want sex and share my life with. if and unlikely if I ever do get gf it'll probably be super old and lack a sex drive by then then she'll hate me cause I no need sex. but I won't have to deal with any of that.