When NeuroTypicals(Norms) get their first girlfriends

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From what i have learned from my life with the normal populations is that, seemingly, they are not only guaranteed to get girlfriends/boyfriends, but to get them before they are 13!! Handsome/pretty ones. Meanwhile, we R-words will be lucky to get some ugly rag or rummy when we're in our thirties.

Do you guys think this is true, ore a mere stereotype, because I'm scared it's true, frightened.

My son and my daughter are NT's and they had no problem getting girlfriends or boyfriends whenever they liked at any age, but they didn't become interested until age 13 - 14. Also they went through dating them at a rapid rate, a new bf or gf every month or few months. I have no other evidence.

There are geeks and other unpopular people who may not find it that easy. But for most part I think that assessment is pretty close. At least it was when I was growing up.

That's ridiculous. I had my first girlfriend at 14, she was very cute, and she came on to me. It didn't last very long, of course and I was devastated, but it gave me the confidence to realize that I was at least moderately attractive to the opposite sex, which allowed me to screw up my courage and ask someone else out.

I did not date much in High School because of my inept social skills, but I tried, because nobody told me I had autism and I couldn't. I was not particularly good at it and frankly it terrified me into a panic attack every time I thought about calling a girl (though talking to them on the phone was easier than in person), but I forced myself to do it, because I knew I'd never get better at it without practice. I got turned down as often as I was accepted, but I went on a few dates and muddled my way awkwardly through them.

Through a set of extremely fortunate coincidences, I got a job while still in school that allowed me the opportunity to meet girls over the phone, so I had a chance to get to know them a bit before we met face to face and that helped tremendously, along with the fact that the job itself was fairly glamorous in those days and that alone made a positive impression. Sometimes I went through long periods alone, and I've never discovered the secret of making something work long-term (of course, I didn't know about the autism until a few years ago), but ultimately, I did okay.

Point being, I was never left to society's dregs and leavings for companionship and you needn't be, either, unless you choose to fulfill your own prophecy of doom. The key is to put yourself where you can meet people. The biggest obstacle for autistics when it comes to romance, is that we avoid socializing so much that we never meet anybody.

One more bit of advice - don't trust your own judgement about your looks. I was always my own harshest critic and even after a few dating successes, continued to believe I was just a little better than homely, average at best. Years later, I was able to look back at photos of myself in my teens and 20s and see what others were seeing at the time - I was damn cute. Wish I had known it back then.

Well for one, being NT does NOT guarantee that you will get a bf/gf. Especially if you're male. But yes it is often the case that NTs have their first bf/gf in their early teens but not always. Nevertheless, don't worry about this. I met my first gf at the tender age of 19 and got rejected 9 times before I met her. The problem is that I was asking out women who weren't attracted to me because I couldn't really pick up on signs of interest. With my first gf, when I met her initially, through printed personals, I didn't know she liked me until the 2nd date when I made a pass at her and she accepted.

Total stereotype. I'm an Aspie & started dating at 13. Most of my (mostly non-Aspie) friends from school were late-ish bloomers -- they didn't start dating "properly" until 19-21.

Given the fact that there are nearly 7 billion people on the planet, more than half of them female, you might wanna rethink your attitude. It's not like there is a "shortage" of pretty/handsome single folks out there!

most average people can't afford to travel the world to find a woman. so the whole 7 billion people is just cheap false hope talk. if you're poor and live in a town of 50 people then thats who you have to work with for relationships not the 3 billion people in china you're never come in contact with.

If there's no shortage of pretty/handsome folk, then why would someone pick an unattractive aspie?

You're a chick. Women often start dating in there early teens, even if they're Aspies because teenage boys in particular don't care much about anything but looks.

There is no shortage of attractive singles in this world but if you live in the USofA like I do, there often IS a statistically significant gender gap among singles in certain places. But most of the pretty/handsome singles out there in this world are people you will never have a chance to meet! And keep in mind that not all of us have the time and money to travel around the world like you do(since your job requires travel)to find that special someone and then there's the issue of visa's and getting legal residency in a foreign country.

Bottom line: It's not a question of supply, it's a question of availability.




1. Because there are other single Aspies out there who do not find Autism to be unattractive. In fact, they might actually be more attracted to someone like them in that regard because they feel they can really relate to them.

2. The LOOKS factor. No matter how ugly you might feel or be told so by others, there *IS* always someone who'll think you're cute.

I'd like to believe it. I thought Aspies may be more forgiving. That's why I always to go local support group meetings for Aspergers, social anxiety and depression. I've met a lot of really great people there. Many of them are very attractive single women. Some of them have invited me to movies or lunches, but obviously only as a friend.

I'm... not sure what kind of normal populations you're acquainted with but if they are anything like what I've seen either they are delusional or you need to learn to love/forgive yourself a little. Your population is probably just a neighbourhood and a school, this expands quite a bit once you're out.

I, the fellow r-word, started dating at around age 22, and looking back on it, I'm really glad it was that way. As for appearances? Honestly I could not have brought myself to sleep with someone I didn't find attractive.

BTW how is it a source of pride to start dating as a dumb little child? It's like watching them star in an episode of Jackass, but with ten times the awkwardness and two more decades to regret the ensuing mistakes.

but then theres the problem of odds of you finding them cute too.

Well, that's your choice, right?

not anymore then them finding me cute. who you're attracted to isn't a choice but biologically programed.

Several things:

1) I wasn't particularly pretty at 13 (and rare is the kid who is). I was a foot taller than, umm, everybody, my nickname was "Skeletor" and had just returned to the US after an awful, awful sabbatical year overseas.

(If you have kids and are going on sabbatical, for the love of god do not go someplace where the local version of the boogeyman is a giant albino. It'll be a year of kids crossing the road to avoid your kids, of grownups looking scared at the sight of them and telling their offspring that "if you don't behave [points at me or my sister] will sneak into your room inte middle of the night and eat your brain!". You do not want to subject your kids to a year as the living embodiment of a collective cultural nightmare).

2. Unless you live in, like, a fly-in community in Alaska or the hinterlands of Wyoming, you live within two hours drive of a bigger town. You can move to a bigger town (folks do all the time). You can participate in activities in your tiny town that result in contact with others from different/bigger towns (LARP, scouts, historical reenactments, etc). There are zillions of ways to broaden your social circle even if you're (geographically) stuck in a tiny town.

3. The looks thing. Assuming have good hygiene and make reasonable effort to look "presentable" (defined as clean, ironed clothes that match; they don't need to be expensive or designer, the standard you're aiming for is unremarkable), physical appearance is unlikely to be a deal breaker for the vast majority of people. If you plot people by attractiveness on a bell curve, probably 5% of folks get noticed solely on the basis of physical beauty and another 5% end up on the really unattractive end, where their physical appearance alone is a hindrance to dating. The other 90% of folks are in the middle. Ergo, around 95% of people have looks that do not hinder their ability to have romantic relationships.

I started forming attachments with girls about that age. However, I was never stupid enough to date them.



Probably good for them. Starting with dating at 13 doesn't seem like a good idea. Given your attitudes on the subject seems to support that. Not even NTs are so positive about typical dating as you are. They are able to see the drawbacks.