When NeuroTypicals(Norms) get their first girlfriends

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The issue about getting dates is not only about the gender ratio. There's also the little fact that you need to have the necessary social skills as well as the issue of specific gender norms when it comes to dating. It's actually the gender norms which can make it easier for women to find dates than men, not whether there are more or less dates available. For example, it's generally expected that men are supposed take the initiative in asking women out on dates, rather than the other way round. So, that generally means that according to traditional gender expectations, men who are interested in a particular woman would generally be the ones who would take the initiative in asking out the woman while women who interested in a particular man would generally wait around for the man to ask her out and not take the initiative herself.

Now we're going to see replies saying "But women do ask men out, they're just not asking you" or "I ask men out but usually if I'm really interested" or "I ask men out, usually ask if I think he's too shy". Well, first of all, yes, there are some women who ask men out on a regular basis. However, if you're one of those women, you're one of the exceptions, in general most don't. As for the last 2 answers, if you only ask out men if you really interested rather than taking a chance or if you only ask them out if you think that they too shy to ask you, then that's exactly the point. You only ask on those two occasions because you still expect that the man will, generally speaking, ask you if he's interested.

I could and would date probably 90% of women. I have very few standards. if anything people say I should have more. though given my giant dating pool as you call it and combined with my giant failure rate I fail to see how I can afford to have more standards. though my not getting dates has more to do with women's standards than mine.

Ok, even I'm calling bs on that.

I do think that's part of it. There are a lot of people on here who want to find a partner who's conventionally attractive, when obviously not everybody on this website is going to end up with a very conventionally attractive gf/bf (since unattractive people also have relationships).

A lot of people also expect to find a partner who immediately understands all of their needs and sees past their social/emotional inadequacies. Even NTs need to work on themselves when they're in a relationship, and sometimes all it takes is communication and being open and clear about those needs. You also need to reciprocate and understand your partner's shortcomings to some point.

The weird thing is that a lot of the men I've seen on here seem unwilling to consider aspie women as a viable option. :/

I'd love to date an aspie, but I couldn't even maintain a friendship with aspie women I've met. It's really unfortunate, because they were really great. Maybe I'm too quirky even for them.

No, the biggest reason is that they even consider doing typical dating instead of trying to meet women in more natural environments. And social skills has absolutely nothing to do with it, and neither does DSM. FYI, relationship issues are not part of ASD diagnosis.

I've had bad experiences with aspies in person. combine that with the giant variances and limited aspie women(odds of meeting one) compared to the amount of possible compatible nts. also seems quite a few aspie women are of the no sex or touching type. while I'm of the love touching and sex end the spectrum , so much more likely to find a touch loving nt then aspie. plus apies in my area have just been rude and mean.

met one who would likely be a good match but too far away

but yeah I'd be less willing to date an aspie then nt woman. i mean fights with aspies will be way worse then nt. both will be stuck on their side. me and my mom will have fights even though we are saying the same thing just slightly different. my nt sister has to point this out. if both is aspie in relationship will will realize that and point it out.

theres also a lot of men/women here who would only date aspies seeing us as some kind of super race and only possible compatible people for them.

I see aspies for what we are, people. people who can be nice, but people that can be horribly mean. just like all humans.

I don't know what "natural environments" are supposed to be but even if you are in an environment where it feels more natural to you then you still need to be able to gage interest and ask at an appropriate time in order to be successful. In practice a lot of aspies (especially men) even mistake someone being nice to them as interest when in fact they're only being polite (believe me, I've got personal experience with this) because they have deficits in understanding non-verbal forms of communication. You have to understand that if you're trying to meet women in "natural environments" like in special interest or activity groups or conferences or wherever, then women who are there are probably not there specifically to meet someone and some of them actually don't want to have men hitting on them.



Really? Dating does not require social skills? Because it is after all a form of social interaction. Relationship issues are indeed part of ASD diagnosis and here's a direct quote to prove it:



https://depts.washington.edu/dbpeds/Screening%20Tools/DSM-5(ASD.Guidelines)Feb2013.pdf

As you can see, it applies to all kinds of relationships, including establishing and maintaining friendships. Romantic relationships are the same kind of relationship as a friendship but further along down the continuum. Therefore, if you have trouble establishing friendships, then you'll definitely have trouble forming romantic relationships. It's also instructive to look at the second criterion as well because the difficulty with non-verbal communication affects one's ability to gage if someone has mutual interest:

I don't expect someone who immediately sees past my social/emotional inadequacies but at the same time I don't want to be immediately written off because I have them. Do a search on the internet and you'll see a lot people "warning" others not to get romantically involved with an aspie (see Cassandra phenomenon).



There is a skewed male/female gender ratio with respect to people who are diagnosed with AS/ASD though, usually 4 times more men than women. So, although I'd be willing to consider aspie women as an option, I wouldn't limit myself to them. There aren't enough of them to enable all AS people to pair up with another aspie.

Of course. That's easy. If they are neurodiverse. If not, I don't care as I'm not interested in NT women.



Possibly with NTs, but who cares?



Some are single and want to meet somebody. That's all you need. They don't need to be actively searching.



No, it doesn't. Dating is a person-to-person communication, and not a social function. Aspies typically do not have problems in one-on-one situations.



That has absolutely nothing to do with meeting a partner.



There is not one and only one way to do non-verbal communication. If you are interested in a neurodiverse girl, she is likely to transmit neurodiverse non-verbal communication signals (stims, eye contact with quick glances and related), and neurodiverse people have no problems understanding those naturally. You have bought the disorder model without thinking and your claims are nothing but uninformed and ridiculous.

And no, relationships and friendships are not similar. In fact, they have nothing in common.

It's the apparent absence of interest that concerns me the most. For me, it's never been about lacking interest in others. It's been more about how to display that interest. I've wavered between two extremes--either expressing interest inappropriately (and scaring off potential dates), or not showing it at all (and coming across as self-absorbed). These days I'm favoring the less-is-more approach. I'll be the first to admit I still need a LOT of work.

I disagree with this, formal, official polygamy may be uncommon. But unofficial, informal, "soft" polygamy has pretty much been rampant in every society throughout Human history. Sadly, it's natural order of things for a few "top" men to end up monopolizing all the women, leaving lesser men like us with nothing.

almost always it's by their late teens or early 20's