Chance of 'not' meeting anyone?

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Ecomatt91
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19 Apr 2015, 2:10 am

I am having this problem. I feel anxious of being lonely for rest of my life is the way I have been treated by women seeing me in wrong way. I have absolutely no idea what I did is wrong and makes them to go away from me. I am 24 years old and never had a date nor sex. So what is going on? I am at huge university in Brisbane, Australia. I see women everywhere. Its nice to see them everywhere. But I can't be capable of enaging with them for a date and so on. I am not shy nor anything like that. I just have fear of repetitive rejections which I have been coped in the past. Also other thing I always go for a women who is already with someone, even without knowing she have someone! Gosh, why that happens so often?!

24 years old with Masters degree and career development on hands. Why I can't able to get anyone, like people I know get into relationships easily?



Shoggothgoat
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19 Apr 2015, 6:08 am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBOtj1RmaUE
http://wrongplanet.net/the-secrets-to-s ... -flirting/

I found these two links to explain flirting in an aspie friendly way. It helped me understand just how completely clueless some of my attempts have been. It won't magically change your luck, but it will help you understand the insanely complicated thing called flirting.



Diningroom
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19 Apr 2015, 12:19 pm

Ecomatt91 wrote:
I am having this problem. I feel anxious of being lonely for rest of my life is the way I have been treated by women seeing me in wrong way. I have absolutely no idea what I did is wrong and makes them to go away from me. I am 24 years old and never had a date nor sex. So what is going on? I am at huge university in Brisbane, Australia. I see women everywhere. Its nice to see them everywhere. But I can't be capable of enaging with them for a date and so on. I am not shy nor anything like that. I just have fear of repetitive rejections which I have been coped in the past. Also other thing I always go for a women who is already with someone, even without knowing she have someone! Gosh, why that happens so often?!

24 years old with Masters degree and career development on hands. Why I can't able to get anyone, like people I know get into relationships easily?


I'm not so sure other people get into relationships "so easily" -- it might just *look* that way from your perspective. You have no idea how many failed relationships any person's had, how many times they've been rejected, etc.

Do you have friends? Are any of your friends girls? If not, the place to start is working to improve your social skills -- try Toastmaster's try a part-time job bartending or at Starbucks (places that'll let you practice your social skills, convo skills & observe those of others every single shift!

The fear of rejection thing? Your options are pretty much limited to 1) give into it and 2) decide to push through. The latter's likely to make you less unhappy.

(I think everybody goes through life feeling like a giant, stupid idiot the vast majority of the time. At least I do. Embracing it works well).



Ecomatt91
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19 Apr 2015, 8:17 pm

Diningroom wrote:
Ecomatt91 wrote:
I am having this problem. I feel anxious of being lonely for rest of my life is the way I have been treated by women seeing me in wrong way. I have absolutely no idea what I did is wrong and makes them to go away from me. I am 24 years old and never had a date nor sex. So what is going on? I am at huge university in Brisbane, Australia. I see women everywhere. Its nice to see them everywhere. But I can't be capable of enaging with them for a date and so on. I am not shy nor anything like that. I just have fear of repetitive rejections which I have been coped in the past. Also other thing I always go for a women who is already with someone, even without knowing she have someone! Gosh, why that happens so often?!

24 years old with Masters degree and career development on hands. Why I can't able to get anyone, like people I know get into relationships easily?


I'm not so sure other people get into relationships "so easily" -- it might just *look* that way from your perspective. You have no idea how many failed relationships any person's had, how many times they've been rejected, etc.

Do you have friends? Are any of your friends girls? If not, the place to start is working to improve your social skills -- try Toastmaster's try a part-time job bartending or at Starbucks (places that'll let you practice your social skills, convo skills & observe those of others every single shift!

The fear of rejection thing? Your options are pretty much limited to 1) give into it and 2) decide to push through. The latter's likely to make you less unhappy.

(I think everybody goes through life feeling like a giant, stupid idiot the vast majority of the time. At least I do. Embracing it works well).


This made me curious of why many people go in and out of relationships too many times. I know many friends have relationships but me. I mean 99.9% of them do have experienced a date, FWB and the sorts. I am confused by I am belonged to stereotypical nature for many NTs?

I dislike working in bars because I am not a fan of alcoholic events and that. Toastmasters is popular here in Brisbane, but I thought they focus on public speaking skills? Not the social skills and understanding body languages? I do have plenty friends, despite that many of them are females. More internationally than domestic due to nature of how acceptable of Aussies towards myself. Aussies are typically racists and discriminative towards the diversity. I always have more female friends than males over the years especially at uni. I have learn so many things from them but it has not changed my scene.

In the case of fearing rejection is something that I wouldn't want to waste my time as 'expected' to. Its all in reality I know that it happens to everyone else including NTs. People may not have an encouragement to do so, may be due to their past situations. Like myself, I experienced 100% rejections.



Diningroom
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20 Apr 2015, 7:57 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
Diningroom wrote:
Ecomatt91 wrote:
I am having this problem. I feel anxious of being lonely for rest of my life is the way I have been treated by women seeing me in wrong way. I have absolutely no idea what I did is wrong and makes them to go away from me. I am 24 years old and never had a date nor sex. So what is going on? I am at huge university in Brisbane, Australia. I see women everywhere. Its nice to see them everywhere. But I can't be capable of enaging with them for a date and so on. I am not shy nor anything like that. I just have fear of repetitive rejections which I have been coped in the past. Also other thing I always go for a women who is already with someone, even without knowing she have someone! Gosh, why that happens so often?!

24 years old with Masters degree and career development on hands. Why I can't able to get anyone, like people I know get into relationships easily?


I'm not so sure other people get into relationships "so easily" -- it might just *look* that way from your perspective. You have no idea how many failed relationships any person's had, how many times they've been rejected, etc.

Do you have friends? Are any of your friends girls? If not, the place to start is working to improve your social skills -- try Toastmaster's try a part-time job bartending or at Starbucks (places that'll let you practice your social skills, convo skills & observe those of others every single shift!

The fear of rejection thing? Your options are pretty much limited to 1) give into it and 2) decide to push through. The latter's likely to make you less unhappy.

(I think everybody goes through life feeling like a giant, stupid idiot the vast majority of the time. At least I do. Embracing it works well).


This made me curious of why many people go in and out of relationships too many times. I know many friends have relationships but me. I mean 99.9% of them do have experienced a date, FWB and the sorts. I am confused by I am belonged to stereotypical nature for many NTs?

I dislike working in bars because I am not a fan of alcoholic events and that. Toastmasters is popular here in Brisbane, but I thought they focus on public speaking skills? Not the social skills and understanding body languages? I do have plenty friends, despite that many of them are females. More internationally than domestic due to nature of how acceptable of Aussies towards myself. Aussies are typically racists and discriminative towards the diversity. I always have more female friends than males over the years especially at uni. I have learn so many things from them but it has not changed my scene.

In the case of fearing rejection is something that I wouldn't want to waste my time as 'expected' to. Its all in reality I know that it happens to everyone else including NTs. People may not have an encouragement to do so, may be due to their past situations. Like myself, I experienced 100% rejections.


Whatever you're currently doing isn't working. The bartending is an opportunity to practice conversation skills, observe what works/doesn't by watching others, see body language, etc. -- not drink on the job.

Perhaps putting more of an effort into developing local friendships/local social life would help -- 2.3 million people live in Brisbane, so the odds are in your favor to find someone you "click" with. Statistically, there are enough people in your city for you to find a non-racist circle to run in.

Internet dating?
Take up an activity that throws you in contact w/folks your age w/similar interests?
Ask friends to set you up on blind dates?

I have no idea why you can't find a romantic relationship. YOU have no idea why you can't find a romantic relationship -- maybe a professional (therapist or the like) can help you figure out why and what to do about it.



GiantHockeyFan
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20 Apr 2015, 9:06 am

I went until 29 before my first date. I struggled for years to understand what was "wrong" about me (besides the obvious!) and determined it was a combination of my lack of understanding romantic cues, total obliviousness about body language (as a 6'6" person you can imagine the issues that caused!) and generally not being around women in general as most of my time was either with video games or hockey.... not exactly great places to meet women.

I have found the best place to meet quality women is in running clubs. In fact, right now I am the only male in the class other than the instructors! Would be a total gold mine if I was still on the market!



Ecomatt91
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21 Apr 2015, 1:26 am

Quote:
Whatever you're currently doing isn't working. The bartending is an opportunity to practice conversation skills, observe what works/doesn't by watching others, see body language, etc. -- not drink on the job.

Perhaps putting more of an effort into developing local friendships/local social life would help -- 2.3 million people live in Brisbane, so the odds are in your favor to find someone you "click" with. Statistically, there are enough people in your city for you to find a non-racist circle to run in.

Internet dating?
Take up an activity that throws you in contact w/folks your age w/similar interests?
Ask friends to set you up on blind dates?

I have no idea why you can't find a romantic relationship. YOU have no idea why you can't find a romantic relationship -- maybe a professional (therapist or the like) can help you figure out why and what to do about it.


Sorry if I haven't said this before. I have hearing loss. I find situations easily difficult in loud environments because I can't hear a persn speech nor its' clarity. Lots of people have given me a same recommendation as you, they ended up saying "your problem". So it seems my hearing loss putting extra pressure on my social life as much as ASD does.

I am trying so extremely hard to find local friends including the outside circle of my university. I don't go sticky beak into groups or people who would want to be friends with me. I have same approach towards them as I approached to the international friends who accepts me. I think the language barrier makes me on same level as English as second language people. Their experiences makes it easy to know the awareness and being comfortable especially my difficulty in communication with people.

I tried internet dating since I was 17. They are all never worked to me. I had profiles lasted more than a year and always get rejected for meeting for a coffee or walk in the park. I never got past to their second responses of contact. It seems a lot of women are very extremely picky and stereotypical to guys like me because I 'appear' differently than to the 'normal' of their perspectives.

I am member for several environmental groups at my university and two outside. Haven't made a friend yet, despite someone want to catch up with me. I moved here as my new city life in January this year. Does 4 months of this not meant to happen?

Blind dates, I tried asked for one and they still say no because they still do this in same way as rejecting me individually.

I have been counselling for ten years. I think that is so much longer than everyone else does. I tried so hard to learn effective communication skills and so on for million of years. Nothing has changed since my first year of UG course in 2009. Nothing has changed. But I only noticed the change is my intelligence, rising IQ, more professional characteristics and have more friends than before.

I don't want to make this sound negative, it seems I am prone to the risk of being an outlier for the rest of the population. Doing nothing which what I used to be have same risk of doing something which I am currently being proactive today. I think my combination of hearing loss and ASD makes everyone to run away being scared of me.



Diningroom
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21 Apr 2015, 3:05 pm

Ecomatt91 wrote:
Quote:
Whatever you're currently doing isn't working. The bartending is an opportunity to practice conversation skills, observe what works/doesn't by watching others, see body language, etc. -- not drink on the job.

Perhaps putting more of an effort into developing local friendships/local social life would help -- 2.3 million people live in Brisbane, so the odds are in your favor to find someone you "click" with. Statistically, there are enough people in your city for you to find a non-racist circle to run in.

Internet dating?
Take up an activity that throws you in contact w/folks your age w/similar interests?
Ask friends to set you up on blind dates?

I have no idea why you can't find a romantic relationship. YOU have no idea why you can't find a romantic relationship -- maybe a professional (therapist or the like) can help you figure out why and what to do about it.


Sorry if I haven't said this before. I have hearing loss. I find situations easily difficult in loud environments because I can't hear a persn speech nor its' clarity. Lots of people have given me a same recommendation as you, they ended up saying "your problem". So it seems my hearing loss putting extra pressure on my social life as much as ASD does.

I am trying so extremely hard to find local friends including the outside circle of my university. I don't go sticky beak into groups or people who would want to be friends with me. I have same approach towards them as I approached to the international friends who accepts me. I think the language barrier makes me on same level as English as second language people. Their experiences makes it easy to know the awareness and being comfortable especially my difficulty in communication with people.

I tried internet dating since I was 17. They are all never worked to me. I had profiles lasted more than a year and always get rejected for meeting for a coffee or walk in the park. I never got past to their second responses of contact. It seems a lot of women are very extremely picky and stereotypical to guys like me because I 'appear' differently than to the 'normal' of their perspectives.

I am member for several environmental groups at my university and two outside. Haven't made a friend yet, despite someone want to catch up with me. I moved here as my new city life in January this year. Does 4 months of this not meant to happen?

Blind dates, I tried asked for one and they still say no because they still do this in same way as rejecting me individually.

I have been counselling for ten years. I think that is so much longer than everyone else does. I tried so hard to learn effective communication skills and so on for million of years. Nothing has changed since my first year of UG course in 2009. Nothing has changed. But I only noticed the change is my intelligence, rising IQ, more professional characteristics and have more friends than before.

I don't want to make this sound negative, it seems I am prone to the risk of being an outlier for the rest of the population. Doing nothing which what I used to be have same risk of doing something which I am currently being proactive today. I think my combination of hearing loss and ASD makes everyone to run away being scared of me.


Then you've done all you can and may as well make the best of your lot in life.

The hearing loss (or any disability) in and of itself doesn't make you undatable -- I'm an Aspie, rather a lot my colleagues are too (quants) and folks date/get married all the time. My mom has no disabilities, my dad's blind (since birth) and they've been happily married for 40 years.