Girls- what do you find most attractive/sexy in a guy?

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lonelyLady
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06 Oct 2007, 1:26 am

if you can also solve hard math problems or write computer programs and/or fix things around the house, you are my ideal man. the post below sums up what I'm looking for in man fairly well. I have just a few qualities to add to the list:
-treats me like HUMAN BEING. i.e., understands that women are HUMAN. they are not brainless pathetic creatures who need to be saved. they are not b*****s who need to be abused and controlled. they are human, they have emotions, thoughts, etc. I want someone who'll be interested in getting to know me as a human being, who would listen to what I am saying. likewise, I also want to be engaged and challenged intellectually.
-likes warm temperatures. I hate those men who set their thermostat to 60 degrees in the winter and make their wives and children freeze. 75-80 degrees is my comfort zone


I am really turned on by men with nerdy tendencies. It's so arousing to see a man who is completely absorbed in writing a computer program or solving a complicated math problem. it's also very charming to see a cute, very smart nerd who is insecure and doesn't realize how much I want him. I like to take the first step when it comes to sex; I hate feeling pressured and I like to do things at my pace.

appearance, by itself, doesn't matter to me. I dated a very good-looking guy by the societal standards once, and it was annoying because he was obsessed about his look. all the other guys I was in love with were perhaps unattractive by our society's standards, but they were attractive to ME because of their personal qualities.

Lobber wrote:
As a man, I am curious how I stack up to some of these qualifiers. Of course, I'm not hitting on you at all, just curious as to how well I stand next to others in the scheme of things:

There's not one thing - it's a package. I guess the Must Haves to be remotely attractive are:

~a significant amount of raw intelligence ("educated" or "uneducated" really doesn't matter)


I've always been told by others how intelligent I am. I've even taken one of those silly online tests that measures your IQ, and the results it came back with was 138. It called me a "facts curator," and compared me to Bill Gates. My father is an intellectual, and so I assume I picked up his intelligence through genetics heritage, and creativity came from my mothers side.

~an overabundance of common sense, and control over it

Yep, got that too. I drive very safely, somewhat passively, and are very forgiving of other drivers.

~a kind and quiet nature

People would define me as very shy. I am introverted, and I care a great deal about others feelings. Empathic to an extreme almost, I find myself breaking down in tears whenever I hear very strong sad emotions in others voices or when they cry. I cannot stop my own reactions, I used to be able to filter them, but not anymore.

~a healthy sense of humor (any variety)

People would call my sense of humor weird. To this day, I can recall something funny that I read or saw or heard decades before, and laugh as loud and hard as if it were told anew. I love puns, wordplay, and Garfield.

~a sense of wonder that still is intact, even after all that

That's one thing I've always refused to give up, my sense of wonderment about the world. I still stare at awe at a beautiful sunset, get all warm and fuzzy looking upon a bright sunny day, sunrising over a grassy field. I love nature, and photography of natural objects, you should see my photo album. It has very few humans in it other than some relatives, mostly it has tons of natural wonders. Footprinted sand along a lonely beach, Salty crusted turned up mud down in the so called Devil's Golf Course in Death Valley, California, A winding forest path that seems lost in the mists of time....

~an innate understanding of duty and responsibility (including where it starts *and* ends)

I live on my own so this is a must for me to remain financially independent.

~drive - he must have something, anything, he's really passionate about. (No languishing, angsting couch potatos need apply. )

I am passionate about my spirituality, my creativity, artwork, music, photography, and my love for games, both in playing and in creating them. I have a variation of hexagonal chess I've invented, but have yet to publish because Chess isn't all that popular.

~the ability to be accepting of "ecentricities" in others

Being eccentric myself, I understand the mindset of those with such unique qualities.

~adaptability and versatility - a "survivor"

I've survived on my own, single, lonely, for the last 16 years out of high school. I haven't given up life yet, no matter what is thrown at me.

~above all, he must be comfortable in his own skin, ok with who and what he is.

I'm almost too comfortable with my own skin. The only things I don't like about myself, see below....


That being said, on the flip side, the immediate disqualifiers would be:

~loud, crude individuals


Fortunately, I hate those people with a passion as much as you do.

~cruel individuals - if they'll mistreat any living thing in any way, I don't want to know them

Whenever I find a moth, or a large spider, or any other miserable tiny creature in my house, I carefully scoop it up in my hand, gently carry it to the outside, and release it into the plants of the garden outside. But I kill ants, and wasps that invade. I guess I'm selective on what I let live.

~intolerant, controlling personalities

You will like me.... you find yourself admiring my wondeeeerfuuuul quaaalitieeesss..... theeeseee aren't the droooids you are looooking fooooor..... ~waves hand mysteriously~

~obesity - sorry, it's just a turnoff. I prefer my men without excessive fat on them.

Zing, 1000 points against me. :cry:

I used to be lean in High School and for half of my adult life. Then I drank beer. I got to 240 lbs being 6' tall. So far I've lost 20lbs and still going down. I still have a tummy and love handles, but there's no fat elsewhere, except [self censored data omitted]. I want to reach 190lbs, so my drivers license no longer lies.

~I've already been a mother: I don't want to be his. (Nor the reverse scenario)

My search is for someone for me to care for, not the other way around.

~guys who smell bad. Smelling like a male after hard physical work or just generically is fine. Actually, it's pretty nice. Not bathing for a month and smelling like a dirty body sprouting fungus is not fine.

I shower every day and wear that Axe deodorant stuff. I've noticed how women react to it, and it can be scary at times.

A few other ladies:
Starbuline wrote:
Kind, weird, witty, affectionate.

That's me in a nutshell. Of course, it's quite crammed in that nutshell, and gives me the heebie jeebies, so I try not to get locked up in nutshells very often.

Hamster wrote:
I honestly don't have a specific type -- I've had relationships with fat men, short men, tall and slender, beautiful, and homely men -- they all had many qualities in common, however:

1) Great sense of humor -- if a man doesn't make me laugh, he sucks
2) Intellect -- must be able to converse on a wide variety of subjects
3) At least *some* artistic ability, be it writing, painting, sketching, music
4) CLEAN, smells nice at ALL times
5) Confident -- is able to give me my space and not whine like a little b***h about it
6) Patient -- because I've been known to stretch even the hardiest quite thin :oops:
7) Excellent work ethic -- Slackers or players can go to hell
8) Kind -- MUST be compassionate toward all living things
9) Pleasing voice
10) Great-looking forearms and hands -- I go weak at the sight


I agree whole heartedly about the humor thing. I seek a female companion that loves my sense of humor. If she doesn't, then nothing else matters. My woman must love my sense of humor or it will never work out, without question. I drive people at work crazy sometimes with the different subjects I throw at them, to the point that I've stop trying to bother. I have always had creativity as a child growing up, and lately I've let it slip due to the pressures of the real world. However, recently I've invested in an electronic grand piano, because I'm going to teach myself to play. I also believe in smelling nice all the time. Of course, if I had a girlfriend, I'd shower twice a day instead of the regular once a day. Confidence is something I have to work on, mostly because I don't have a very high opinion of myself when it comes to women. I never feel like I'm good enough for them. My self esteem has been practically zero, but that's mostly due to my complete and utter failure to ever score a girlfriend my entire life. I am exceedingly patient, just sit in the drivers seat of my car if you need to know. I do consider myself a hard worker, and I would never be a player. Compassion towards all living things except ants and wasps. My voice probably isn't pleasing. You be the judge, I did post a video of myself on the video thread, so you have something to go on. As far as forearms and hands, same thing, view the video.

Also, I can cook, and I have to, living alone. I hate eating out unless its a nice restaurant, and I loath McDonald's food, unless its their bagel breakfasts, which aren't half bad. They aren't half good either, but I gotta eat when I'm rushing out the door to go to work don't I?

I am a meticulous neat freak, when I do clean my home up that is. I had a nervous break down nearly ten years back and have lost my immaculate style since then. So if something could repair the break in my mind and heart, I could return to that perfectionism I once had.

Three posts down is my youtube self video

Please tell me what you think my chances with women are, and please don't be afraid to reply to my comments. For some reason, I am getting the impression that women flee even from my posts here, since every thread I've replied to in this forum ended with my replies.

:cry:



squatterandtheant
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06 Oct 2007, 11:05 am

lonelyLady wrote:
the man below is exactly the type I loath--abusive, controlling, sexist as*holes. wake up, idiot, the women you've been dating are either masochistic psychos or terribly insecure.

squatterandtheant wrote:
I never heard so much lies in all my life! Stop living in LALA land and enter the real world! its not Alice in Wonderland!

'Treat them mean keep them kean', thats my motto. its the only way to keep women in line and thats the way they like it (and need it) deep down! its the only way!

So stop kidding yourself it's otherwise. They're happier when they have boundaries and know their place. Believe me - you can bring a woman to water AND make her drink!

They really do need to know who's the boss! And its not just Bruce Springsteen- its all men!

i said to her "So love, get that big cookery book I got you for your birthday and get into the kitchen and whip me up something nice"

or you won't get the anal sex you're always begging for!


I was taking the piss. :lol:



Kitsy
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06 Oct 2007, 4:53 pm

intelligence and non-frat boy behavior. Nice eyes. I don't care for muscles but I'm not against them. Not sure if I have a set body type although I know when I'm attracted to someone, I just don't have a set definition of physical body structures.



squatterandtheant
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08 Oct 2007, 6:26 pm

Kitsy wrote:
intelligence and non-frat boy behavior. Nice eyes. I don't care for muscles but I'm not against them. Not sure if I have a set body type although I know when I'm attracted to someone, I just don't have a set definition of physical body structures.


You wanna hook up baby? 8)



AspieMartian
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09 Oct 2007, 1:48 am

I definitely need a guy who can keep my attention on an intellectual level; otherwise, I'm bored and I'll want to get rid of him ASAP. Boredom is 100% deadly for any potential attraction with me. He needs to be at least smart enough to 1) get my sense of humor and 2) not be intellectually intimidated by me. I also need someone with a positive outlook and a good, smart sense of humor himself. Nothing's more annoying than a guy who thinks he's smart and funny when he's not (and I'm the kind of girl to tell him that straight up).

I like a geek type with a creative, artistic bent and who thinks about things past his own sense of immediate gratification. I like a guy who's unconventional and bold, but not cocky and foolhardy. He doesn't need to be overly masculine, but should have a very strong sense of his own identity and individuality. Broadmindedness and curiosity about the world are very, very attractive traits - I'm someone who does like to talk to the guy I date, and he needs to be able to keep up with me, my tendency to talk about 50 different things in an hour and my various, meandering interests. I also am very turned on by a guy who I can learn about new things from, or has a wide assorrtment of life experiences. He should be educated, good at whatever he does (competency is a big turn-on for me) and if he's multilingual, even better (especially if he can teach me a language I haven't study or help me improve on one I have).

Physical appearence is important. I feel no shame about this. I find women often feel bad about saying this matters, but not me. As far as I'm concerned if a guy's going to base his attraction to women 80-90% on looks, I should judge his attractiveness by the same rule, even if looks aren't the most important thing. He needs to be in shape for his build. Lean, definitely, athletic, yes, but not "jock" or "muscle man." I exercise, so he should too. My "type" is tall, slender/lithe and strong, with good hands and arms, brown eyes and dark to medium brown hair. A Scottish, German or French accent is a definite plus.

Lastly, and this is a huge turn-on too, because it's so lovely to see in a man, yet sadly, very rare: a very genuine appreciation for women. Not women as sex objects or potential mates/wives, or women as society thinks they should act. But women as women, in our fullness of our feminity. I really like a man who can be in wonder of a woman's mysteriousness and "otherness" yet not be afriad of it. And I've met men who do love women in this way, so I know they exist. And since I have a very deep and genuine appreciation of men in this way, in their own mysteriousness and "otherness," and I think I deserve the same repsect and admiration returned to me.



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11 Oct 2007, 7:38 am

Hmm..

Well, I'd have to say, looks-wise, long hair (can be dark or light, but prefer it darker than lighter), blue eyes, tall, slim/toned (but not muscley), strong back and shoulders.

Personality-wise, he'd have to be thoughtful, mature, non-aggressive, have a dry/sarcastic sense of humour (or he just wouldn't understand me whatsoever), at least my intelligence, kind and caring, silly at the right times, but serious when needs-be, "bookish", and creative in any form - be it artistic, musical, or literal.

A man who is not afraid to giggle. Makes me giggle. Which is rare.

A man who likes animals.

A man who is not clingy or needy (but needs me sometimes).

A man who doesn't complain about anything he can fix in his current situation.


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05 Nov 2007, 8:13 pm

IMAGINATION!



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09 Nov 2007, 12:50 am

good taste in music
extensive knowledge of music
sense of humor
doesn't try to fight with me or tell me what to do



Kitsy
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12 Nov 2007, 5:53 am

I like intelligent beings. Kind, quirky, funny.

I don't have a set look that I go after.


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12 Nov 2007, 6:06 am

Intelligence and curiosity.


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12 Nov 2007, 9:28 am

lonelyLady wrote:
the man below is exactly the type I loath--abusive, controlling, sexist as*holes. wake up, idiot, the women you've been dating are either masochistic psychos or terribly insecure.

squatterandtheant wrote:
I never heard so much lies in all my life! Stop living in LALA land and enter the real world! its not Alice in Wonderland!

'Treat them mean keep them kean', thats my motto. its the only way to keep women in line and thats the way they like it (and need it) deep down! its the only way!

So stop kidding yourself it's otherwise. They're happier when they have boundaries and know their place. Believe me - you can bring a woman to water AND make her drink!

They really do need to know who's the boss! And its not just Bruce Springsteen- its all men!

i said to her "So love, get that big cookery book I got you for your birthday and get into the kitchen and whip me up something nice"

or you won't get the anal sex you're always begging for!


Yet this sort of man has no difficulty finding a date, getting sex, etc. I would rather remain celibate for the rest of my life than be like that, and that is what will almost certainly happen. There are girls who genuinely like nice guys - and all the ones I know are taken.
Incidentally, is there much point to a thread like this? With both men and women there'a big gap between what they say they want and what they actually respond to. Talk is cheap.


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skrimpy
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13 Nov 2007, 10:57 am

I think like the opening poster, I find commitment most attractive in a male. Commitment, responsibility, strong arms. I also want a man who accepts me for who I am in all my little quirks - and accepts I have a very hard time socializing and don't want to socialize outside of my family, heh.

I also find men who are confident in themselves and who they are to be very attractive. Some people say that it's arrogance but I appreciate a certain amount of self-confidence in a man.

Thankfully I managed to find a committed, responsible man who can hold me very tight. And he's very confident in himself, which can be annoying but on the whole is very reassuring to me. I am a lucky woman.

Oh, and his hair has these little curls in the back that he hates but they are so incredibly cute :P



Mitsuki
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22 Jan 2013, 7:58 pm

ZanneMarie wrote:
I don't find myself attracted to many men and I do frankly have a type. I find tall, lanky, dark haired and dark eyed men attractive and they find me attractive as well. I have no idea why that is, but you could line up all the men I've dated and they would look alike.

In addition, I have a type when it comes to personality. I finally found something that seemed to explain this after all these years. It's a grouping for Meyers Briggs types by Viktor Gulenko and these two have my past boyfriends/husband and myself written all over it. I'll put the other two groups in as well with their explanation. It's pretty interesting I think regarding what we find attractive and why.

Careful – This is my husband and past boyfriends all the way
- See other people in a caring but maybe arrogant way as if they are some kind of "parent figure" and everyone else needs their attention and help
- Interact as if they they are in control but not in aggressive way. This type always acts in a caring way and expect the partner to accept this care without rebellion
- Has an openly "patronizing" subtype and a subtype that applies "care" indirectly
- Hates signs of aggression in themself
- Has "I know what is best for you" attitude


Infantile – This is for my personality type. It is so accurate it's scary.

- Can be openly childlike/dreamer/detached or more formal looking with an "inner child"
- Has lots of needs and can be selfish (like a child) and expects the partner to totally adapt to this behaviour
- Can be openly needy for loving and care
- On the other hand can be openly rebellious against care and need a lot of "right kind of" attention
- Doesn't want the partner to directly control but instead set loose "boundaries" and safe guards within which it is safe to play and have fun
- Hates signs of aggression or indifferenc in others
- Has "I want you to be my friend and guardian angel" attitude


Here are the rest.


GULENKO'S EROTIC ATTITUDES

Careful
- ESTj
- ISTp
- ESFj
- ISFp

Aggressor
- ESTp
- ISTj
- ESFp
- ISFj

Victim
- ENTj
- INTp
- ENFj
- INFp

Infantile
- ENTp
- INTj
- ENFp
- INFj


Careful –

- See other people in a caring but maybe arrogant way as if they are some kind of "parent figure" and everyone else needs their attention and help
- Interact as if they they are in control but not in aggressive way. This type always acts in a caring way and expect the partner to accept this care without rebellion
- Has an openly "patronizing" subtype and a subtype that applies "care" indirectly
- Hates signs of aggression in themself
- Has "I know what is best for you" attitude

Aggressor

- Sometimes is openly arrogant and aggressive and expects complete
mental submission from others
- Sometimes has a very victim like look and uses indirect means to
control the partner. In the "heart" is as aggressive and control
oriented as the openly aggressive version. Can turn openly
aggressive if the "victim" refuses to submit to indirect
control.
- Hates signs of weakness in themself
- Has "I am in control" attitude

Victim

- Can project either a submissive or arrogant view of themselves
- The openly submissive version never questions the partners
control but expects the partner to "show the way" in all aspects
of the relationship or interaction
- The arrogant version looks aggressive and always challenges people
but the true meaning of this behaviour is to find an aggressor who
is stronger than the victim themself. This type can never be "tamed"
but the partner has to "apply force" at all times to keep the
arrogant victim under control
- Hates signs of weakness in others
- Has "I want you to control me (if you can)" attitude



Infantile

- Can be openly childlike/dreamer/detached or more formal looking with an "inner child"
- Has lots of needs and can be selfish (like a child) and expects the partner to totally adapt to this behaviour
- Can be openly needy for loving and care
- On the other hand can be openly rebellious against care and need a lot of "right kind of" attention
- Doesn't want the partner to directly control but instead set loose "boundaries" and safe guards within which it is safe to play and have fun
- Hates signs of aggression or indifferencyin others
- Has "I want you to be my friend and guardian angel" attitude


Good compatibility
Careful - Infantile
Aggressor - Victim
-> natural pairs

Some compatibility
Careful - Victim
-> somewhat satisfying for careful, not truly satisfying for victim

Bad compatibility
Careful - Aggressor
-> frustrating for the careful, insulting for the aggressor
Aggressor - Infantile
-> somewhat satisfying for the aggressor, scary for the infantile
Victim - Infantile
-> totally unsatisfying for each
All identical pairs
-> mixed success but bad in an


Thanks for this! I am really interested in Myer Briggs personality. I am an INTJ female, relationships are hard work :(



Mitsuki
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22 Jan 2013, 8:00 pm

Nan wrote:
I wonder how generic these are to other women (or, people in general)? Or is it just me and my "quirks" at play...?

There's not one thing - it's a package. I guess the Must Haves to be remotely attractive are:

~a significant amount of raw intelligence ("educated" or "uneducated" really doesn't matter)
~an overabundance of common sense, and control over it
~a kind and quiet nature
~a healthy sense of humor (any variety)
~a sense of wonder that still is intact, even after all that
~an innate understanding of duty and responsibility (including where it starts *and* ends)
~drive - he must have something, anything, he's really passionate about. (No languishing, angsting couch potatos need apply. )
~the ability to be accepting of "ecentricities" in others
~adaptability and versatility - a "survivor"
~above all, he must be comfortable in his own skin, ok with who and what he is.

That being said, on the flip side, the immediate disqualifiers would be:

~loud, crude individuals
~cruel individuals - if they'll mistreat any living thing in any way, I don't want to know them
~intolerant, controlling personalities
~obesity - sorry, it's just a turnoff. I prefer my men without excessive fat on them.
~I've already been a mother: I don't want to be his. (Nor the reverse scenario)
~guys who smell bad. Smelling like a male after hard physical work or just generically is fine. Actually, it's pretty nice. Not bathing for a month and smelling like a dirty body sprouting fungus is not fine.


Oddly, the physical "type" I think that I think is the most attractive is the one none of my intimate male friends have ever had. One was vaguely close to it, but it's always the mind that makes the difference, for whatever reason. Go figure. :lol:


Thought this was lovely written and well thought out!



Mitsuki
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22 Jan 2013, 8:02 pm

RedMage wrote:
Let me think...

I'm attracted to guys who are nice to me.


I am the same, it is the bottom line for me!



Vintagegirl
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23 Jan 2013, 1:55 pm

A guy with a heart of gold :)