boyfriend is talking about me and my aspergers to others

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xariaxo
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23 Apr 2015, 9:32 pm

been dating for about a year. found out a few months ago that i probably have aspergers. too the online test and all but haven't got an official diagnosis yet. he thinks i have it too. we have had some problems in the relationship. he always thought he was doing something wrong when i would metldown or shutdown. it hasn't always been about him. but a few times it has been. like when he lied to me a few times about things and the fact that i get bored when he doesn't want to go anywhere and sits at home a lot. but yes i have had meltdowns in front of him and i have self harmed in front of him a few times. sometimes he has been able to clam me down and other times he just leaves me a lone or leaves and doesn't talk to me for a while until i calm down. at first he told me he was glad know it wasn't all just him and that he was researching it to learn more about aspergers and would be there for me. then after our last argument about a month ago he left my house and hasnt been back anymore. but he talks to me online and still says he loves me and misses me. he acts like we are still together and even has our pics on fb up. and calls me his girl.

well i found out that he has been telling his friends online and friends in person about my aspergers. when people ask what happened he tells them that i have aspergers and that it's touch. he tells the things have been rocky. he has told people i have harmed myself and that i see the worst side of things. and that either things are all good or all bad. he blames all the relationship problems on me. never tells anyone about he lied t me in the past and anything he did or how he has triggered it at times. so now if we hang out again with his friends will they look at me like i'm weird or crazy? he says he still wants to be with me and i dont' know what to do. i am wondering if everything has been because of my aspergers. is it all my fault? one of his friends was talking to him telling him how their friend needed to find good girl and he repsoned "yeah I can relate" and said he has one but it's been rocky because i have aspergers syndrome. he said its' not my fault but its been rough on both of us and told them how i just found out while we were together.

so does that mean he is looking for someone else while still saying he is with me also because of my aspergers?

am i wrong to feel upset that he is talking to people about this or should he be able to so he can deal with it too? it just seems like he is putting all the problems on me and i'mt he blame for everything just i have aspergers. he never acts like he does anything wrong.



aspiemike
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23 Apr 2015, 10:01 pm

He doesn't have any business sharing such private and sensitive information to his friends. His friends don't need to know that you have Aspergers unless you decide to tell them yourself. They certainly don't need to know that you have inflicted harm on yourself, you don't even have to tell them that. If he had any concern, he could have confided to a family member privately or a counsellor in this situation. You are not wrong to be upset about this, and you are not at fault for having aspergers.


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Antharis
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23 Apr 2015, 10:13 pm

You may want to get diagnosed first before you rationalize your relationship's problems with Asperger's as a blaming point. It's not a get outta jail free card you can use to justify every messed up thing you do.

Meltdowns are something you can't help, but why would you self harm in front of him?

And in all frankness, your SO sounds like he needs to watch his mouth. What is he hoping to accomplish by painting you and your possible AS as a burden to others as a conversation piece, when your relationship is none of their business? Sympathy points? If all he has to say about you are complaints on your relationship/AS, why is he in a relationship with you? He isn't really thinking about you as an equal anymore, but as the burden.

Quote:
one of his friends was talking to him telling him how their friend needed to find good girl and he repsoned "yeah I can relate"


Dump him yesterday.
Just saying this shows this person doesn't respect you and you're quite possibly being used as a placeholder while he finds someone else.



xariaxo
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24 Apr 2015, 11:50 am

yeah i'm working on getting a diagnosis and the self harm thing just happened during one of my meltdowns when i was really upset. his ex had some other mental problems like bipolar and whatnot and he always says that is why she left him so many times. so i guess he would naturally talk about mine and blame everything on me too.



alex
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24 Apr 2015, 12:33 pm

Tell him it's private and you don't want hm to tell anyone else about it.


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hilaryy_renee_
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24 Apr 2015, 1:28 pm

You can kindly ask him to keep that information private and not to share it with others. You can also explain to him in a nice way that it's important to you that your personal information isn't exposed to other people. I'm sure that, hopefully, he'll understand.


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