Do some apsies run from a relationship when faced with one?

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Gauldoth
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25 Apr 2015, 12:08 am

Loveurself wrote:
Gauldoth, thanks for the honest answer. I know some men/boys do that, but I truely thought he was different.

He acted different but maybe that was the aspie in him.

He said he was a virgin so I thought it would have meant something more to him then the usual chase, catch, then dump because she is no longer a challenge game.

If that is what he did I can't be mad at him or myself because life is ultimately a learning experience. I will say that when men/boys do stuff like that, they only cheat themselves.

I still hold out hope that he really isn't that type of person but the reality is that we are not together.


You seem remarkably mature and level-headed, most women who ask questions like the one you did tend to get pissy when they don't get the answer they want to hear. I'm sorry things didn't work out with this guy, but be sure to hold on to that (your maturity and level-headedness, that is), it'll end up give you an advantage over most women out there today.



Loveurself
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25 Apr 2015, 12:26 am

DailyPoutine1 wrote:
Loveurself wrote:
Gauldoth, thanks for the honest answer. I know some men/boys do that, but to turkey thought he was different.

He acted different but maybe that was the aspie in him.

He said he was a virgin so I thought it would have meant something more to him then the usual chase, catch, then dump because she is no longer a challenge game.

If that is what he did I can't be mad at him or myself because life is ultimately a learning experience. I will say that when men/boys do stuff like that, they only cheat themselves.

I still hold out hope that he really isn't that type of person but the reality is that we are not together.

Maybe he was curious but he got scared of the responsability of being in a relationship so he vanished afterwards?



Thanks, I think that's probably what happened.



Loveurself
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25 Apr 2015, 12:33 am

Gauldoth wrote:
Loveurself wrote:
Gauldoth, thanks for the honest answer. I know some men/boys do that, but I truely thought he was different.

He acted different but maybe that was the aspie in him.

He said he was a virgin so I thought it would have meant something more to him then the usual chase, catch, then dump because she is no longer a challenge game.

If that is what he did I can't be mad at him or myself because life is ultimately a learning experience. I will say that when men/boys do stuff like that, they only cheat themselves.

I still hold out hope that he really isn't that type of person but the reality is that we are not together.


You seem remarkably mature and level-headed, most women who ask questions like the one you did tend to get pissy when they don't get the answer they want to hear. I'm sorry things didn't work out with this guy, but be sure to hold on to that (your maturity and level-headedness, that is), it'll end up give you an advantage over most women out there today.



Thanks, life is too short to walk around with resentment although it is easier said then done.



sly279
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25 Apr 2015, 1:16 am

In past and possible now I'd be super into relationship possibly clingly. I get attached to people.
though I don't trust as much as I do. women saying they love me seems like a lie one done and said a time before. I don't know how to react to it anymore. I don't say the love word unless I mean it, but for a lot of nt and in my experience women said it when they didn't mean it.

I honestly am a bit scare of a relationship too now. I've spent all my life without one. I worry alot about not doing right thing or what happens when get one. spend one's life chasing something you're never get will do that to a person I guess.

aspies if he is one can be mean just like nts. we aren't vulcans.


Antharis wrote:
Not interested in any form of communication with you.
Does the forum have an ignore feature perchance?


think there was on the old forum, this one is lacking a lot of the basics the old one had and despite saying they'd get re added its been months with none added.



Loveurself
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25 Apr 2015, 12:14 pm

sly279 wrote:
In past and possible now I'd be super into relationship possibly clingly. I get attached to people.
though I don't trust as much as I do. women saying they love me seems like a lie one done and said a time before. I don't know how to react to it anymore. I don't say the love word unless I mean it, but for a lot of nt and in my experience women said it when they didn't mean it.

I honestly am a bit scare of a relationship too now. I've spent all my life without one. I worry alot about not doing right thing or what happens when get one. spend one's life chasing something you're never get will do that to a person I guess.

aspies if he is one can be mean just like nts. we aren't vulcans.


Antharis wrote:
Not interested in any form of communication with you.
Does the forum have an ignore feature perchance?


think there was on the old forum, this one is lacking a lot of the basics the old one had and despite saying they'd get re added its been months with none added.



I can see how it could be scary if your use to being alone or have had bad relationships.

I think sometimes when some people get use to hearing the word no and keep chasing anyway, it could make them feel like they walked into the twilight zone when someone says yes. 8O

And when the twilight zone music starts to play in the back of their heads every time they see the person who said yes, well, I guess that could be their cue to run because a yes/yeah is foreign to them.


how can someone find the right fit if their scared to try the shoes on :idea:

P.s. The right person will like clingy



Guitarguy86
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25 Apr 2015, 5:59 pm

I run if I don't see the future in their eyes. Haven't seen it yet.



rdos
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26 Apr 2015, 11:27 am

Hard to say. If it was me, I probably would have thought that things advanced too fast, and I wouldn't have been comfortable with that, and as a consequence, I might have decided I didn't want to pursue it any further. Also, I might not had time to build up a sufficient attachment, and then I might have been scared-off by your verbal declaration of love. But that is me, and it doesn't need to apply to him.

The build-up of negative views of you could be related to your recent relationship, and he might actually have thought that you hadn't left him behind, and thus those views were related to jealousy. Such things could be fatal to a relationship.



sly279
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26 Apr 2015, 5:36 pm

Loveurself wrote:


I can see how it could be scary if your use to being alone or have had bad relationships.

I think sometimes when some people get use to hearing the word no and keep chasing anyway, it could make them feel like they walked into the twilight zone when someone says yes. 8O

And when the twilight zone music starts to play in the back of their heads every time they see the person who said yes, well, I guess that could be their cue to run because a yes/yeah is foreign to them.


how can someone find the right fit if their scared to try the shoes on :idea:

P.s. The right person will like clingy


I don't know If I'd run. I just wouldn't trust it and proceed carefully while planning like its a lie until which time they prove it isn't.

I just buy the same boots. I have two identical boots one pair is well worn but still going other i bought 2 years ago to replace the first one.
though trying on shoes isn't like messaging women where you have a 90% or higher failure rate.

sadly I seem to be the only one who likes clingy. women hate it as they see it the opposite of confidence.

I don't understand the purpose of two confident independent people in a relationship. what do they gain? if neither likes nor needs the other what is the point. but suppose this is the key to why relationships are just business contracts now. only thing they get is joined money and assets. you wouldn't want a emotional loving business partner you want a confident rational partner to make more money and status. which is all modern relationships are for now. quite sad.



Sino
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26 Apr 2015, 6:10 pm

I certainly have ran from relationships. Not one of my better moments.

Regardless - more information and context would be useful. There is a chance that he was simply looking for sex, but also the possibility that he may have experienced an existential panic attack of some kind and dropped you right then and there as a means of coping with it.



Loveurself
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26 Apr 2015, 10:20 pm

Sino wrote:
I certainly have ran from relationships. Not one of my better moments.

Regardless - more information and context would be useful. There is a chance that he was simply looking for sex, but also the possibility that he may have experienced an existential panic attack of some kind and dropped you right then and there as a means of coping with it.



The "existential panic attack" possibility is hilarious. I actually pictured the whole thing. Though it didn't feel good to be somewhat dumped, I could actually picture that happening.

Sometimes all you need is a good laugh to see the sunshine between the clouds.

Well on a serious note, I know that melt downs and panic attacks are very real for people on the spectrum, but I always thought that if someone cares about you, they would put some effort in despite the problems autistic or not.

But then again this is my reason for posting the question. Maybe I'm thinking like an NT about this not understanding that people on the spectrum, may not be able to cope with certain things.



Waterfalls
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26 Apr 2015, 10:48 pm

Loveurself wrote:
Well on a serious note, I know that melt downs and panic attacks are very real for people on the spectrum, but I always thought that if someone cares about you, they would put some effort in despite the problems autistic or not.

But then again this is my reason for posting the question. Maybe I'm thinking like an NT about this not understanding that people on the spectrum, may not be able to cope with certain things.

Sometimes people on, or not on, the spectrum, say they love someone because they want to try that out. And they may even mean it, or they may just be testing out how it feels to say it and act the part of someone in love.

I agree with you, if someone cares about you, they will put effort in. Sometimes that's enough, sometimes not.

Having ASD though doesn't mean he is or isn't a nice person. So I'm wondering.....do you see him as generally good to others?



auntblabby
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26 Apr 2015, 10:49 pm

he chickened out. I have no objection to clingy. so far in my life, I have manifested the anti-magnetic phenomenon of people being repelled by me, so one can understand how clingy might seem to a fella like me. :oops:



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26 Apr 2015, 11:16 pm

I wouldn't be surprised if I became a runaway groom.


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auntblabby
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26 Apr 2015, 11:18 pm

:(



Loveurself
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26 Apr 2015, 11:22 pm

Waterfalls wrote:
Loveurself wrote:
Well on a serious note, I know that melt downs and panic attacks are very real for people on the spectrum, but I always thought that if someone cares about you, they would put some effort in despite the problems autistic or not.

But then again this is my reason for posting the question. Maybe I'm thinking like an NT about this not understanding that people on the spectrum, may not be able to cope with certain things.

Sometimes people on, or not on, the spectrum, say they love someone because they want to try that out. And they may even mean it, or they may just be testing out how it feels to say it and act the part of someone in love.

I agree with you, if someone cares about you, they will put effort in. Sometimes that's enough, sometimes not.

Having ASD though doesn't mean he is or isn't a nice person. So I'm wondering.....do you see him as generally good to others?



He always seemed to have a pleasant attitude but I never really saw how he interacts with someone else. He has no friends and he acts like someone who is shy if you didn't know him. I think trys to make friends but it seems like it just doesn't work for him.

I think he thought maybe something was wrong with me for liking him.

He always acted like he couldn't believe I was talking to him, which I didn't understand because to me he was really funny, smart, and interesting.

I made a few bad choices while dating him like being intimate with him, but I'm not stupid. He really seemed like he liked me and like he was genuine. I think I scared him when I said I loved him. I told him that because I thought he was special and he didn't seem to feel that way about himself.
I wanted him to know that someone could love him.

I just didn't realize that autistic or not, he was a guy and most guys don't like to hear a woman say the love word first. Also he could have just decided I wasn't what he was looking for.

It's interesting that I've read how the autistic male brain is like having all the male traits on steroids.



JBO
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27 Apr 2015, 12:42 am

Any time I'm infatuated with a woman, basically as soon as she reciprocates I suddenly completely lose interest. It's really frustrating and I don't know why it happens. Maybe hearing the L word triggered that response in him.