the end is no longer as close as i thought it was

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I was diagnosed with clinical depression quite a while ago. I'm thinking it may be bipolar really, but we haven't talked about that much. Anyway, I felt like there was nothing that would ever happen for me to get better because my parents were jobless at the same time for 6 years straight, went bankrupt on the house, finally got jobs at Walmart, and still couldn't get me antidepressants according to my mom. I already wanted to die, and this made it worse thinking that I would never feel better. I already thought it would just keep getting worse, and this proved it.

"Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain."

I've been having increasingly worsening symptoms of depression (and possibly bipolar) for so long, but now, something may change. I'm going to go to a neurologist who is also a psychiatrist to get help about my syncope (getting dizzy, passing out; i likely have dysautonomia), and my mom said that since we finally will have a referral to somebody, the plan is that I will get to begin taking antidepressants. My life may finally be saved. I was so ready to go. I still feel sad and empty, but a huge amount of my pain has been lifted from me just from the thought that I may get better. This is crippling, and I need it to either get out, or I get out.

Depression sucks, that is all there is to it....hopefully if you get the anti-depressants they help. I myself have not had the best of luck with traditional anti-depressants, but am currently taking something called mirtazapine which is a more sedating anti-depressant because the SSRI's make me to edgy and off label anti-psychotics(yes they tried those for my depression) make me too apathetic towards everything which makes me feel more empty and thus depressed. But just keep in mind if one medication does not work its possible to try others....also if your family can afford it therapy could be helpful, but CBT is a very common approach and it doesn't work for everyone so it could be a hit or miss.

Give it a go, shako; I trust they will be helpful. If not there are quite a number of alternative anti-depressants that may work.

By the way welcome to WP, Shako154! You came here because you want help and support, and I applaud your willingness to be open in your post. If that's you in your avatar and I'm sure it is, I can see the hurt and appeal there and am glad you're taking this opportunity for things to change. 14 is a difficult age for many folk and you are still so young. Many on this website have battled the very real problem of depression and I for one am familiar with post-traumatic stress, which debilitated me for several years before I was diagnosed, (which helped me a great deal) so join the club!

Feel free to PM us if you should need support; we can't always be online at all times but will listen and not judge.