We Should Celebrate When NTs Breakup!

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I don't know if that's a quote or a reference to something, but it made me laugh. Thank you.

I often feel celebratory when people break up, but that's because I'm aromantic and I'm inclined to be happy for them, e.g. "Good for you! Now you don't have that person or that relationship holding you down any more!" But I usually avoid actually saying that, because not only do those people want romantic relationships (for some reason!), but some grieving over a loss of anything is understandable regardless.

Well, Scott/Drew Peterson (I can never remember which guy) was getting love letters and even marriage proposals from women outside, while serving his prison sentence for killing his wife. I guess the quasi-celebrity status made him look like an alpha male, which triggered attraction in those women. While I can never understand why they were into a piece of _hit like Scott/Drew instead of a more proper alpha male, let's not derail the topic into that direction.

Either way, I can sympathize with the OP. Losing a boyfriend/girlfriend is not grief-worthy. It's nothing like losing a family member. You only get one set of family members per lifetime. When you lose a family member, that part of your life is gone permanently, after you knowing them your whole life. But a boyfriend/girlfriend can be replaced. A socially skilled NT can find a new boyfriend/girlfriend in a matter of days. Most importantly, he/she is alive and well after the break-up. But since that's not how NT's think, I keep that to myself.

Charles Manson (that guy who was almost a Beach Boy) has/wants a prison wedding. Judging by that I see no problems with taking things slow and being as flexible/down to Earth as I can. Not even mass murderers really have the stones to live at their own pace! I don't believe we're in a race, and I think people who are impatient enough to view squabbles as breakups incite a LOT of negativity.

Shouldnt this happen more the other way around: NTs or older Aspies wishing to Aspergers or younger Aspergers that they should have the same kind of dreadful experience because of their having more trouble with relating to the suffering of others, in particular if it is not identical to the one they have?

Being glad if others suffer is sick. But embracing change is good, and can have something joyful even if the change itself does seem rather negative.

If you think that your mother s reaction was too exaggerated, how about asking her what made her cry: that her daughter was sad, that the break-up was awful, that it reminded her of a painful break-up of her own ... Care about others as much as about yourself, and dont envade every experience of others by drawing the maximum out of it for yourself. If you dont understand a reaction, just accept that there is something that you dont understand (yet).

Obtaining joy from the sadness of others is a very unattractive thing, by delighting in the misfortune of others you will harm your chances of getting a GF. I suggest you read the R. Dahl book the Twits. It reports how Mrs Twit was a very nice looking woman who had ugly thoughts, her ugly thoughts leaked out and made her unattractive physically. While that it unlikely to happen your thoughts and words here might leak out into other parts of your life (maybe it has happened already) and harm your chances of getting a GF.

Most women, including those with AS, will find the opening post on this thread to be horrible. As a group women tend not to want to be with horrible men, I hold the view that those very few women who are not bothered by the opening post are the sort of women you would do well to avoid having as a GF.

The opening post reminds me of what one mod wrote about the "love and dating" forum, he joked that it is toxic and should only be opened with tongs, gas mask and a pair of rubber gloves. I think that a thread in which someone expresses the view that the emotional pain that NTs suffer when their relationships fail should be regarded as something good adds to the toxic waste here.

OP can't help anyone, OP included, move forward by aggrandizing loss. One can always hope to gain something from contrived, self-serving reasoning but one can be sure of future prosperity simply through legitimizing and working to ease the struggles of others. Hoping in vain for more division just isn't healthy for any individual's mind, not to mention those they live around. NT friends of mine have experienced as much or (almost definitely) more pain than the division between the sexes has ever brought upon me.

Ew.

"hours" is ridiculous. i remember kol finding another dude within 3 or so weeks when she came to me and told me she ended it with so-and-so. i never really felt as much empathy with others as i did with her.

No. I don't think that you really understand what a close relationship it is to have a boyfriend. It's not just about labelling anothe person as your "boyfriend" or "girlfriend", it is about forming a relationship with another human being whom you care about. It hurts very painfully when that person rejects you because you care about them and want to be with them and they don't want to be with you.

Your mother was sad because she felt for your sister. She didn't want her daughter to be unhappy.

You can't just replace someone. It's not like that. Every individual is unique and it can take time to get over that loss. There are things about them that you love and that you won't neccessarily find in someone else, I mean not that specific cluster of traits.

Your mother was not being silly.

I find it funny whenever people break-up because they're so self centered and its always "me" and they don't think of the other one. NTs don't deserve love.

[MODERATOR]

NTs are a vital part of our community/

Bashing them is not allowed.

If you wish to continue to have a productive discussion, please keep that in mind. Further bashing will be censored.

[/MODERATOR]

I believe what you have expressed is called "spite". I understand this poorly as it is not something I am very inclined to. But I believe the underlying cause of your feelings might be that you would like your sister to understand the burdens you face. There might be some evolutionary logic in this as people in general have a difficult time understanding that which they have not experienced themselves, and when they do experience, and thus understand these things, they are more likely to extend empathy to others in that situation.

That being said, pettiness is not an attractive trait. Your sister has been hurt. She now knows what it feels like, and you should extend condolences and your empathy to her.

That's just... wrong.

It isn't about how easy you think it is for her to get a new one. It's about her feelings and your reaction. It's bad. She is your sister. Her unhappiness shouldn't make you happy.

Try to understand how she feels.

Imagine you have a long term project in your special interest field. You have fun doing it and you work on it everyday. Then suddenly someone comes and destroys it, leaving you with nothing.

Or your special interest is a game. You play it everyday. You have advanced level and many rare items. Then suddenly your computer gets a crash and all of your saved data gets wiped off.

How you you feel?

Sure you can start a new project or start the game over because you are good at it and you will have fun doing so. But it doesn't change the fact that when you lose what you worked on for hours, days, weeks, months or years it really hurts.

neurotypicals suck!

Someone should make a FB page for that.

Oh wait... Social media is for neurotypicals

we have a FB page.

It depends on who they are. If they are good friends or family than no, you should NEVER celebrate.

And we should NEVER celebrate when N.T's breakup - but there's not really any reason to give them empathy either (again, unless good friends or family or co-workers, someone who you actually care about).

I somewhat agree for the following reasons:

1. Even the 'shy/socially awkward' NT's seem to be able to jump into relationship after relationship even more than the most confident and social of Aspies.

Why should any NT's be upset when they just know there's probably going to be someone else down the road in the next 6-30 months.

Their break-up is a chance to live their life alone for some short time before they meet another person.

Might seem like a long time but it's really not.

Breaking up with someone and then spending 1-3 years alone again before meeting someone else is NOTHING compared to some of the aspies here that have spent 4 to 5 DECADES completely and totally alone.

2. For the average NT, it will still probably be easier for them to get into a relationship than the average aspie.

Maybe NT's with poor social skills have less of a chance than confident aspies, but there the values are just too small to really make a difference.

The truth is the statistics say that aspies in general, on average, have less relationships than NTs.

Keywords are "in general" and "on average".

Even if you are the aspie or NT who is the exception and even if you are an aspie who finds it easier than an NT who finds it hard you ARE in the minority and there's no denying this.

The proof is on this very website.

This section is so full of negativity, almost never positive posts about love and dating.

It's always about lonely, sad, miserable, depressed, angry, bitter, or general struggling, OR it's about being in a relationship that is sad, hard, difficult, struggling, etc.

And to any moderators: NO, I am NOT insulting any specific users or posts.

It is just in my personal opinion that this section generally has more negative or neutral posts than positive.

I see less posts about "I got a girlfriend/boyfriend yay!" or "I finally sorted out my relationship problems, here's my advice to you! " or anything of the sort.

If I have still broken any of the rules in my post, than please just censor it, delete it, or ask me to edit it out and I will...